Hi everyone, I’m an international student applying this year for US universities, and since the English language isn’t common in my country, I would like someone to review my personal essay
When I was a kid, I used to look up to heroes in cartoons and anime, not their power or their cool costumes, but it was actually their composure, their ability to handle situations threatening the world with such ease and calmness, so I made it my goal to become a cool person, but unlike most people, what I would refer to as cool was the total opposite of what I am, I was a short tempered person, I easily get offended so I quickly resort to violence, and because of these reasons it became hard for me to make friends, and even if I was approached by someone, I acted as if I don’t need them, and that I am fine being by myself, because at the time, I thought that depending on friends is a weakness, and if I show the slightest interest in them, they would use it to control me.
Even though I didn’t have friends or social abilities, I was still proud of myself, me who was just a primary school student thought that I was better than the others, and while most of the children were focusing on having a good time, I spent my time analyzing their attitudes, and as a result, it became easy to tell if a person is angry, sad, embarrassed or even lying because all I had to do was to compare their attitude to mine, then I found out that I do the exact same thing when I’m feeling the emotions that they feel, the only difference was that they were truly enjoying their life, but me, I was trying to be different which caused me to miss out on the true joy of childhood.
From then I started to think that I should have friends too and that social connections are important in life if I wanted to be cool, that I should be charismatic, know when to talk and what to say, and that I should adapt to whatever situation comes my way, but saying and doing were two different things, I started by playing roles, the obedient kid in front of teachers, the delinquent in front of delinquents and I said to people what they most want to hear, I took leadership when I needed to, I avoided responsibilities and seized every opportunity I get to prove myself in front of others, and day by day my fake self became the biggest part of my life, forgetting what is most important to me, my own happiness.
Doing the things that I truly desire wasn’t such an easy feat, because I have already become a prisoner of my fake self, and the image that I created in front of people can’t be easily shattered, but I didn’t hate it being that way, because I learned a lot from that experience, I knew what my capabilities are, and most importantly what my flaws are, and by accepting those flaws, I could be really happy as a person.
I’m not saying that I succeeded in doing so nor that I’m happy about everything in my life, but at least now I know that I want to explore the world, and have as many experiences as I can, sad ones, happy ones, and by doing that my personality would be shaped as it is supposed to be, without any kind of restrictions.