Overwhelmed Parents with College Bound Son

State Forums
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<p>A distant cousin and his wife are the parents of a high school junior. The three of them have travelled up and down the state of California visiting colleges and talking with admission people. They have been visiting web sites, reading guide books and talking with other parents and students. Right now they are overwhelmed and somewhat confused, trying to take everything in and then trying to discern all the information.</p>

<p>The son is projected to be in the top quarter of his graduating class. He is a solid 90ish student. Very strong grades in history, English, foreign languages, and religion (he attends a Catholic high school). Less strong in mathematics and science. He has been involved in student government, yearbook and theater in school. He will probably major in one of the humanities or social sciences or possibly communications, but most likely will major in history, political science or English. The young man is seriously thinking about a career in the armed forces (so ROTC is probably in his plans) and/or the CIA or the diplomatic corps.</p>

<p>California's support of higher education or make that dwindling support for its colleges and universities has the parents concerned. They are hoping to avoid sending the son to any of the institutions with the California State University system since class sizes have exploded, the number of course have diminished and it seems to take more than four years to graduate from a CSU institution. At the same time, the parents have noted that things aren't too much better in the University of California system and they are trying to avoid having their son go the community college route.</p>

<p>As for the University of California system, all three doubt that the son could get accepted to Berkeley, UCLA, San Diego or Irvine campuses. The young man liked Davis and Riverside campuses a lot but was less enthusiastic about Santa Barbara. His parents loved Santa Barbara, but felt that Davis and Riverside lacked the prestige of the other campuses within the system. None of the three liked Santa Cruz. The son liked the Merced campus, but his parents said that the campus was too new to have any identity or reputation.</p>

<p>Among the CSU institutions, the son liked Humboldt and Chico the best. His parents felt hat Humboldt had too much of a hippie reputation (like UC Santa Cruz). They were lukewarm about Chico, hoping that their son might like one of the better known CSU universities, such as San Diego State or San Jose State; however they realized that Chico is one of the more competitive CSU campuses to gain admission. They are all planning to visit Sonoma and San Bernardino State Universities.</p>

<p>The parents have hinted that money is no object; over the years they have hinted that they have been pretty successful with their investments, ie getting out of high tech and mortgage investments before the markets for both of them tanked. With money no object, they have also looked at private schools.</p>

<p>The son loved St. Mary's in Moraga; the father liked St. Mary's since he was educated by the Christian Brothers; the mother says St. Mary's lacks the prestige. The son also loved the University of San Francisco; his parents liked the idea of a Jesuit education, but worried that the city offered too many distractions. His parents loved Santa Clara University, but the son liked it but didn't love it; he did like that fact at San Jose State is a quick bus ride away if he took ROTC there. They all like University of the Pacific, but weren't too keen about Stockton. They have yet to visit Loyola Marymount and the University of San Diego.</p>

<p>Like I said there is a lot to take in and they are somewhat blown away with it all If anyone has any impressions or comments or idea to share, etc., I think they would be most welcome. As I have said in the past, the posters in the College Confidential are some of the smartest and most helpful people I know.</p>

<p>I have a couple of questions: when a student applies to the University of California system, does he apply individually to each campus or is there a common appplication in which the applicant ranks his choices. Likewise, with the CSU institutions, does a student apply to each school or is there a common application.</p>

<p>Thanking everyone in advance</p>

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<p>My first impression is that the parents are being a bit too vocal about their preferences. It is wonderful that the three of them are traveling around visiting and discussing these universities, but for the parent to dismiss a school the son “loves” by saying it lacks “prestige” or to push a campus the son has no interest in because the parents perceive it as “prestigious” may result in him attending a school they prefer but that he doesn’t like - and that is far more likely to keep him from graduating than large classes at a CSU or UC.</p>

<p>Another thing I notice is that there is no school that will meet the parent preferences - San Francisco has too many distractions while Stockton does not have enough? UC Santa Barbara is prestigious enough, but UC Davis is not? (This one truly does not make sense - those two UCs are generally considered to be at the same level by everyone else… it almost seems the parents are shooting down the son’s preferences arbitrarily.) The son is FAR more likely to graduate, and graduate on time, from a school he loves than from a school his parents pushed him toward.</p>

<p>Yes, all 23 CSUs use the CSU Mentor [CSUMentor</a> - Apply Online](<a href=“Cal State Apply | CSU”>Cal State Apply | CSU) application and all 9 undergraduate UCs use the same application [University</a> of California - Admissions](<a href=“http://www.universityofcalifornia.edu/admissions/undergrad_adm/apply/apply_how.html]University”>http://www.universityofcalifornia.edu/admissions/undergrad_adm/apply/apply_how.html) You pay an application fee for each campus you select.</p>

<p>It seems **the son **has a good list in mind already: UCD, USF, and Santa Clara, with St. Mary’s, UCR and UCM as safeties. Possibly add a couple of CSUs, UCI if he likes it (if he is a match for UCD and UCSB, he should be a match for UCI), and a reach or two and he will have plenty of great options next April.</p>

<p>I truly feel the parents need to vow to stop using the word “prestige” altogether and step back a tiny bit. Draw out of their son what he likes about each campus and what his reservations are about them rather than telling him what they think. He will be the one spending four years of his life at that school, not them. While I do believe parents *paying the bill *should have some veto rights, it does not seem the son is looking at any schools that will not give him an excellent education…</p>

<p>The son is very lucky to have involved and loving parents who are as excited about the next step as he is. This will be a fun year for the family! If he applies to a list of schools that include two or three safeties, two or three matches and a reach or two I am sure they will have a very successful result. Good luck!</p>

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<p>This one truly does not make sense - those two UCs are generally considered to be at the same level by everyone else… it almost seems the parents are shooting down the son’s preferences arbitrarily.</p>

<p>It seems like they’re not really familiar with the UC system. They also say that they doubt their son can get into UC Irvine, but are considering UCSB and UC Davis, which is strange when all 3 schools have nearly identical admitted student statistics.</p>

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<p>^ Agreed. The parents seem to be using their personal impressions of the campuses rather than the admitted student statistics to compare.</p>

<p>Khipper, you might want to mention to them that the admitted students statistics at UCD, UCSB, and UCI are nearly the same. As far as “prestige” (which really shouldn’t be a concern, but in this case it helps the son’s cause), the US News and World Reports rankings have **UCD and UCSB tied at 39 **with **UCI behind them **slightly at 41. UCR receives a very respectible ranking of 94, putting it above USF, UOP and St. Mary’s.</p>

<p>In terms of admissions selectivity:</p>

<p>UCB and UCLA as the most selective</p>

<p>UCSD nearly as selective, but using a defined “points” system that makes admission results a bit more predictable</p>

<p>UCD, UCSB, and UCI the middle group with, as rc251 says, nearly identical admission statistics</p>

<p>UCSC and UCR as the system’s less-selective (but still only the top 12.5% of students statewide are eligible) schools - but becoming more selective each year as more students apply to the UC system in search of affordable college options.</p>

<p>and UCM as the so far unranked newest UC - it is growing fast and will likely soon appear on the big rankings. The UC system is employing clever strategies to improve the profile of the freshman class - such as offering admission to very well qualified students rejected from UCLA and UCB with guaranteed transfers to those schools - that might result in a quick rise in the rankings.</p>

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<p>I’m actually pretty impressed that the kid is thinking about college during the summer between sophomore & junior year of high school! I don’t know too many boys among my sons’ peers who have seen that many schools at that point.</p>

<p>Since the son is a junior, he’s got plenty of time to narrow down his list. I’d encourage the parents to keep their opinions to themselves and continue to let the son cast a wide net. The colleges you’ve mentioned so far are varied - large/small, urban/rural, public/private, college towns/not college towns, religious/not religious, etc. They’re all good schools, and at least one will be a “fit” for the son. Once he gets his test scores, he’ll have a better idea of his chances for acceptance. If the scores are along the lines of his grades, then the CSUs will be his safeties along with the UCs such as UCM and UCR. Santa Clara is very competitive to get into.</p>

<p>What does he want to study? You mentioned strong in humanities, not so strong in math/science. A liberal arts college or one of the Jesuit schools you’d mentioned (USF, USD) might be a better fit than a CSU or UC. How about Pepperdine? There are many other options in SoCal although some are highly selective - the Claremonts, Occidental, Chapman, Redlands, Whittier, to name a few.</p>

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<p>The son also likes Pitzer in the Clarmont McKenna system.</p>

<p>I agree with the posters who say that the parents are to concerned with impressions. The mother sees Davis and Chico as “cow colleges”. I have heard a lot of good things about Riverside campus. Buit I wonder if the son would just miss placing in the top 12.5 per cent.</p>

<p>I also agree that he might do better going the Jesuit route if he plans to concentrate on the liberal arts (but the Christian Brothers at St. Mary’s aint too shabby either). </p>

<p>Thanks again everyone for your input</p>

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<p>I have a new freshman at St. Mary’s (day two!) and I think it is as strong in liberal arts as the Jesuit schools. My guy is also stronger in the humanities than in math or science.</p>

<p>The UCs and CSUs are much more difficult to get into now. Some of my son’s senior classmates did not get into UCSB and UCI when they thought they would given strong GPA’s, but t’s much more competitive now. </p>

<p>My advice is to have him apply broadly and continue refining what he likes/dislikes about various colleges. When the acceptances roll in, he can narrow it down and go from there. And hopefully his parents will let him decide the best choice for him and not for them.</p>

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<p>Campbellmom,</p>

<p>Wishing your child only the best …</p>

<p>Khipper</p>

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<p>Well, the good news is that the family has jumped in whole hog. As a stay-at-home mom, when it was time for my S to start looking I was an addict to this site and my stack of college choices books. The ‘prestige’ word is so annoying- Read Loren Pope’s book re Colleges That Change Lives to get a more balanced view on what you should be looking for. It became ever so clear that what I considered a “dream” school was registering no reaction to my S (My choices were in midwest/east and S wouldn’t leave CA). When we took a tour in Southern CA I kept my mouth shut (very hard but I did it). After each school tour I asked him to take a few moments to write down a pro/con list- this tended to result in a questions-to-address-later list. After a day at Occidental and the Claremonts we came to University of Redlands. Large campus, green everywhere, new buildings for math/science depts (his interest), easy-going campus tour guide. My son met with an admissions person, and said the magic words: “I can see myself here”. It’s been perfect for him. My D is now in process as a senior and she wants nothing to do with his school (“Too hot, too small, not close enough to a beach”). Embrace your child’s opinions, many are intuitive and that’s to be trusted.</p>

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<p>alamemom: Another click on the LIKE button. :)</p>

<p>You had written:</p>

<p>My first impression is that the parents are being a bit too vocal about their preferences. It is wonderful that the three of them are traveling around visiting and discussing these universities, but for the parent to dismiss a school the son “loves” by saying it lacks “prestige” or to push a campus the son has no interest in because the parents perceive it as “prestigious” may result in him attending a school they prefer but that he doesn’t like - and that is far more likely to keep him from graduating than large classes at a CSU or UC…</p>

<p>…I truly feel the parents need to vow to stop using the word “prestige” altogether and step back a tiny bit. Draw out of their son what he likes about each campus and what his reservations are about them rather than telling him what they think. He will be the one spending four years of his life at that school, not them. While I do believe parents paying the bill should have some veto rights, it does not seem the son is looking at any schools that will not give him an excellent education…</p>