I’m a freshman at an amazing art school in the city. I love nearly all my classes and professors to death and I’m confident I picked the right major. My block is super talented and I’m surrounded by very inspirational people.
Except I’ve been overwhelmed with loneliness? The couple of people I talk to the most dont make me feel very good and actually make me feel kind of terrible. I kept denying it all semester, but it’s finally taken a toll on me. They come from a different world than me and that’s okay, but I spent all my socializing energy on them the entire first semester.
I feel like I missed the window to make real friends? And talking to those two people makes me feel more small and more alone.
Does this usually happen? Do freshmen often make new/different close friends in second semester?
A girl (that i identify with much more) welcomed me to chill with her group in the common area sometime, but her group is especially tight and I feel like it’d be fruitless to strive for anything more than acquaintanceship this late in the game.
Honestly you probably should have cut them out of your life a long time ago. What’s the point of hanging out with people who make you feel terrible about yourself? There are plenty of other people to hang out with.
Not true at all. It may seem like people just make all their friends in the first semester, but the truth is friend groups mostly come and go throughout college, and people are always looking to make new friends. You should get involved in extracurricular activities, if possible, and start getting closer to those “inspirational people” in your field. That’s the easiest path to making friends, IMO since you’ll already have at least one thing in common.
During Orientation, go to as many activities as you can. Ask people in your hall way if they are going. Introduce yourself…they are looking for friends too. “Hey, I am Pat…what are you majoring in?”
Go to the Activities Fair and sign up for a bunch of clubs that are of interest. They may not all pan out, but don’t eliminate anything yet. If you are into music/D&D/running/church/whatever, you can find other people who are interested too. Service clubs are great because you spend time working together.
Talk to the people on your floor…Get some cookies and offer them “Hey I have cookies, anyone want some?” and then strike up a conversation about where they are from, what they are majoring in, etc. People like to talk about themselves…let them. Don’t make it too long…move on to others.
At dinner time, ask your roommate/people on your hall if they are going to dining hall. Go with them. See if people in your dorm generally sit in the same area… Join them.
Go to any dorm activities your RA has set up. If you are still having issues, talk to your RA. See if they have ideas. If not suggest that they have one. Maybe a movie and pizza?
Join your dorm’s intramural (or any intramural) team.
Talk to others in your classes…exchange numbers so that if either of you miss you can exchange notes… Ask what someone got on a homework question (that you did too)…once you get to know them, ask if they want to form a study group.
If this isn’t working, go to the Counseling Center…they are ready to help freshman this time of year. Don’t think you are a loser because you have to go…this is something you pay for! Get the benefit! You may need to learn some new social skills. They may also have group talks on Homesickness or fitting in.
Go to ongoing campus activities…concerts/movies/lectures/parties. Invite someone/group of people or just sign up and meet people for activities that might be off campus.
See if your dorm/floor has a GroupMe Group set up…otherwise suggest to someone who is extraverted that it might be a good idea. Then people can send a group text that they are showing a movie in the lounge or are baking cupcakes in the kitchen.
You may notice that all of these things take some action…they are not passive. You have to take initiative. But the risk is small…if someone says no, then just say “Maybe another time”.
It is never too late to make friends. Relationships start and stop throughout life at any time, some just last longer than others. You can’t sit back and wait for them to come to you if you want relationships, they do take effort on both sides from beginning to end. The other thing is to know when to get out–as you have learned–when the relationships are hurting you more than supporting you.