I’m a freshman in college this year. I go to a big state school but none of my friends from high school went here. So going into college, I knew that I wanted to make some new friends (obviously).
In the beginning, I left my door open, I introduced myself to other people on my hall, I always said yes when people would invite me to go anywhere, my RA would organize a day for us all to go eat together and I always went. But I never really made any friends with people. I am shy so all of this was really hard for me to do but I pushed myself to do it anyway. Most of the people on my floor are good friends with their roommate so they always would just hang with them. My roommate and I met on facebook but we’ve ended up being really different people so we don’t hang out much anymore.
The club fair only went on for about an hour and then everyone had to “evacuate” for a “storm” (there was a little bit of lightning). About 30 minutes after all the clubs had packed up and left, they decided that the storm wasn’t a threat and that the club fair could go back on. Well, none of the clubs came back and set up. I had only joined one club.
I joined the swim club. I’ve talked to so many people there and also in class but I’m just not connecting with anyone. And now it seems like everyone has their groups and isn’t interested in making any new friends.
And I literally don’t have a single person to go do things with. I now spend most of my time alone in my room and it’s really depressing. I’m really losing hope and I am considering transferring schools so that I can at least have people to talk to at a school closer to home. Like everyone says how college is such an amazing time and it’s the best four years of your life but for me it really sucks. How can I make friends if I’m not connecting with anyone?
Join some clubs. Reach out to people sitting next to you in class. Stay busy. Try to enjoy your classes. Finding real friends takes time. In the meantime, try to find acquaintances who you can sit with at meals and in classes. See if there are study groups.
Be sure to watch the video in that thread linked in post 3. You will be okay, I promise.
Get involved in volunteering or the campus ministry, or get a campus job. Great way to meet a lot of people who will be very accepting and open. You will get through this.
Also, understand that soon, all the tenuous groups of friends will soon start changing a lot. Everyone is now used to being at college, and they realize that the first group of people they latched on to are not the people they really want to spend time with. It is never to late to make friends, and there is no such thing as an “established” friend group this early in your freshman year.
Does your school offer study sessions for any of your classes? Even if you’re an “A” student, go to them. Ask classmates if they want to get together for coffee and work over some homework problems. If you don’t get a response, sit in a different area of the classroom next time. Don’t push it, but just take it slow. Not everyone has found their group - I guarantee you that there are people out there hoping that someone like you will reach out to them. Just a matter of finding them. Keep a positive attitude! You can do it!
Is the Rec Center on campus offering any fun trips? One of my kids went on a fall rafting trip in October with the school’s Rec Center. She didn’t know a single person on the trip, but had a great time anyways! She is definitely on the shy and reserved side.
Even if you don’t make “friends”, it’s important that you get out of your room and interact with people. Small chit-chat, a simple smile and hello, studying in the company of other human beings, going to a movie or show on campus…try to get out! It will help lift your spirits.
I’m in my mid-50s and I’m busy trying to make new friends too! It’s not easy! People are busy. People have their friend circles already. But I’ve learned that there are lots of people out there in the world that may not be looking for a new BFF, but are definitely interested in having fun nice people to do things with.
Do you play Pokemon Go? Our area has online groups to join and then people meet up on weekends to Raid. Very easy fun and another excuse to be with people.
Try not to just stay in your room. Keep putting yourself out there. Remember, there are many others who feel as you do it’s just that everyone is hiding it and trying to put on a good front!
It sounds as though you’re doing a lot of things to try to make friends, and that’s great! I understand how, for a shy person, interacting with people in class or at club meetings, or at events might not extend into an actual friendship. So you wind up feeling like even though you’re talking to people, everyone else had friends except for you.
This might sound obvious, but what you might need to do is to start inviting people you have met to do something outside of the event or a club meeting or class or whatever. A simple, “Hey, I was going to go get some lunch after class, want to join me?” Everybody eats, right? I can’t imagine saying no to someone who asked me this unless I had something else I had to do or just ate (but then maybe I’d still come and keep them company). Or perhaps, in speaking with somebody you’ll discover a shared interest, and you can ask them to do something together that’s related to that interest. Going off campus together is even better, if the location of your school has places to go off campus. My daughter befriended a girl in college because they discovered both had plans to go to Target after class to get some things, and wound up having a blast being silly and trying on the ugliest clothes they could find for fun.
Try not to get too discouraged. What others have said is correct; initial friend groups often are not the ones that stick. College freshmen are looking for people to hang out with and often latch onto others right away, just so as not to be alone. Then, they branch out and find other friends who are a better match for them. Hang in there, it will get better!
Is there an Office of Student Engagement or something similar that oversees the clubs? Stop by there and get more info about clubs, then join a few more. It’s not too late.
Also, see if you can get some study groups going in your classes. Just ask someone who looks nice. “Hey, I’m looking for a study group to do homework together. Are you in one or do you have an interest in forming one?”
I’m sorry that you haven’t made friends and yet I can tell that you should not give up because by being able to express yourself as you did, and reaching out on these boards about it, it shows how much you still want it to happen!! My two daughters (in high school) struggle with that a little and I keep hoping college will be a different ball game. I think to try a few more clubs might be the answer? Don’t give up on yourself, the right friend is out there! Also, remember its ok to try to befriend the new Freshmen who may still be struggling to find a friend group since they are so new and might be homesick…
Talk to your RA and he(she) may be able to help. He can be the ice breaker and introduce you to a group in the hall you might fit in. Our RA arranged drink runs and hosted uno nights.
I’ll second the dinner idea with a large group. We always went down with a dozen people and had a great time.
That’s where I met Mrs NoKill. We started joking about something no one else in the group knew anything about. We still laugh about it to this day.
Another way to meet people is an on campus job. I suggest a food service job rather than a quiet office job. You will meet lots of other students and you can always bond about how working food service sucks. The Mrs (on campus job) and I (off campus jobs) met tons of people that way and we always had parties to go to or just hanging out together after work.
Keep a positive attitude! You can do it!