So as the high school years go by, parent fatigue sets in for how involved they are with the school. Maybe moreso with local schools where we are always volunteering. But does the same hold true for BS - do the BS kids tire of each other (small and large schools) as well as parents because they are moving onto the next phase, ie college? Less and less communication and involvement.
BS is for the future of the kids but do can any of you share regret in BS vs. keeping them closer to home? Esp when/if BS life, gets old?? I hope this makes sense.
With a parent community, wouldnt it make sense to have a way to communicate rides to from school, airport? Or parents who live nearby for those ājust in caseā moments? Is it up to us to seek those families in the community? But it sounds like many schools dont have an informal way to communicate. ??
I can only speak to our experience, but I found the local parents to be quite generous with their time and willingness to open their homes as needed. I had āif you ever need anything ā offers from parents during family weekends. Just from people we happened to sit next to for one event or another.
The kids communicate and set things up themselves. They get pretty good at it.
The school coordinates on some of the bigger things (asking if people are able to take an international student over break, for example). Cate and Thacher had their communities put to the test with the Thomas fire, and they learned a lot. There is a deep well of parents who get how hard it is to have kids so far away. People will step up.
We have set up carpooling pretty easily - you arenāt strangers once your kids go to school together. It is ok to reach out to people you donāt know.
E.g. Kiddo accidentally left his backpack/laptop home when he returned to school this fall. All he had to do was look up kids in the directory who live in our area, found one who was traveling the next day, texted him (even though he was in a different grade and hadnāt really spoken with him), and the family drove an hour out of their way to pick it up from our house.
It was amazing, but I would totally do so the same thing if the situation was reversed. Families are very generous and connected, but you donāt necessarily hang out together the same way as you would if your kids went to local school together. Ymmv, of course.
Eta: the schools have staff that coordinate travel, shuttles to airports, etc. They will help make sure travel/carpools work smoothly. They hooked us up with a carpool the first year.
@nan415 I found our communications actually became stronger as time went on. We found more people ālike usā needing rides to airports, etc. We always had the local family offers of ājust in caseā, but they were not organized through the school. I find I am more involved with the school as the parent of a senior. It is my way to give back and help those beginning their journey.
If you ask us as parents and DS as a student, no one would change a thing (except maybe COVID). I would not have the same accomplished adult I have today (ok, heās not technically an adult yet, but he acts like one) without BS. He would not have experienced a fraction of the things he has at BS, here at home. And because of the incredible offerings BS provides, here we go again with DD.
I also think that your kidās advisor and their personality makes a big difference. Some really are in line with the school on everything and some really make their priority the individual kid. Get the second kind!! Most schools let kids switch after their first year.
@one1ofeach how can you tell which one you have?
Iāve been mostly relying on communication directly from my DD. I often wonder if Iām supposed to be reaching out to advisor more.
All of these anxious thoughts swirl through my mind, like āare other families checking in with advisor regularlyā if so ādoes advisor think I donāt care about my kidā??? Then when I think about making contact, I worry that other parents might not, and I donāt want to be that helicopter parent.
Ughhā¦first time prep parent, so I have no idea what is the norm.
With the recent snowstorm in the east - how are comms with parents to let them know all is okay? Do the kids still go to class? Do day students come to school? Is there such a thing as Snow Day at a BS?
There are no snow days. Day students are allowed to be virtual if they so choose and are allowed to come and go when they choose instead of during the set times, so they can skip an afternoon activity if they need to.
I will say that my son stayed at school late last night and went to school on time today. We live in MA, we are used to snow, we have 4 wheel drive, and the storm wasnāt actually that bad (mostly over night and highways were clear this morning).
During non pandemic times, many day students would just stay over (at our school).
@mommysmalls If you have any concerns or questions I would reach out to the advisor and ask. You can say āI donāt want to hover but I have these questions.ā You will get a feel for the type they are as they respond to you. I know advisors who say things like āoh thatās a problem I will figure out what to do.ā I think more seasoned teachers tend to be more willing to advocate for your kid. My sonās coach is a long time teacher and once my son mentioned off hand he had a lot of tests and the coach sat him down and made him list every one and the date and class etc. to make sure non of the teachers were breaking the rules. My sonās advisor is a ātow the party lineā type and would have simply commiserated and suggested ways to study. Needless to say I tried to get my son to switch but he likes his advisor emotionally so he wonāt switch.
@nan415
Oh, I missed the part about knowing everything is ok. That storm wasnāt big enough to warrant a āwe are all okā email. In my experience if something was wrong you would get an email. If the whole school had no power for a day or more, or something like that, youād probably get an email.
That reminds me of something I used to tell my wife (before I had a cell phone, when making a call was a bigger inconvenience). She always wanted me to call as soon as my plane landed. I told her if she was worried just turn on the TV. If the plane didnāt land safely, it will be on every network. If they arenāt talking about it, Iām probably fine.
We have regular check ins with advisors at the end of each term, but they are certainly reachable other times as well. And our school recommendation is to go through advisor instead of reaching out to teacher directly, even though you ultimately end up communicating with the teacher. I have done that a couple times, fixing scheduling issues and class placement when kid was hitting the wall trying to handle.
Typically advisors check in with parents on a set schedule. For example, in the fall, we had parent teacher conferences, including a conference with the advisor, and this week we have parent advisor conferences. I suspect we will have one more scheduled conference in Spring term. Other than that, we only contacted kiddoās advisor when she was dealing with some unrelenting homesickness. Since kiddo is now home doing remote learning, I donāt even see the need to touch base with her advisor, but will do so anyway.
I know that itās hard to let go of knowing every detail of your childās life, but donāt lose sight of the fact that BS is set up to give your child independence. Thatās why we send them there!!
We didnāt hear from the school (they were on lockdown, anyway) but we heard from DS (yes, still FaceTiming every night) that he broke 3 sleds yesterday. Soā¦I am thinking he and his friends were doing ok!
Generally, yes. You will probably get calls from local parents who have children attending the schools to which your child has been admitted. For three years, I made those calls to prospective Choate parents in our region and made myself available to them during the decision period. Remember, the time between M10 and A10 is the courting period. Each school wants to ensure your child picks them, so each will bend over backward to assist you in any way, especially during this period of no/remote revisits.
I would add that if a school doesnāt do this as part of its regular programming and you would find it useful, ask. I didnāt really love getting these calls from people had beenasked to call me. Otoh, I volunteered to be available and had quite a few folks who wanted to talk about various things. (They were probably more forward thinking as prospective parents than I was!)
