@intparent We also missed many activities due to college visits and unexpected scholarships (some with interviews) that were offered in the spring which caused us to visit/revisit colleges as late as March and April. Everyone’s kid is different, and each family needs to do what works for their situation. I’m not saying our way is the right or only way, just sharing what we did and my opinion. I respect your opinion as well!
Agree 100% with the “It’s their choice camp!”
I come from the generation where you have NO choice you scrimp,save, and just got your degree, and went to work. Young people nowadays it’s all about choice, fit, prestige, and “feel”. How nice 
costs have risen right along with that type of thinking.
There is no right and wrong just do as much due diligence as you can to make a informed decision. We spent the time/money to visit all the schools they applied (and current is applying too) and will do as many of the admitted student days as we can.
As she says in her ultra self deprecating self “Admitted student day will be easy since I will probably not get accepted to any schools no hooks, ORM, upper middle class…”
That is when the super encouraging parent says “Sweetie cakes that is why you have a Safety!”
We will see where the chips fall in the spring best of luck to you all and the only 1 left in the nest.
I made the initial list because S was having trouble even thinking about college. As we visited where he was accepted, he started voicing opinions. He made the final decision, and though he’s only been there a week!, he fit right in and is very happy. I would have been happier had he chosen a school that was closer, but I can’t complain because I made the list!
I agree that as a parent, you know things they don’t that could be helpful. But it goes both ways. They may know things about the social dynamics at a school (from friends, for example) and about how they feel it would work for them - or not - that they aren’t comfortable sharing with you. And those things are going to be huge on their pros and cons list but probably won’t even be written down. And they aren’t the same for everyone. That’s where you have to trust your kid to get it right for him/her/their self.
According to my D, I was very transparent in having a clear preference (and there I was thinking that I was remaining neutral). Apparently, my husband did a better job of keeping his preferences to himself.
Notwithstanding my having made my preference known (despite my best intentions), my D understood that it was completely and totally her choice to make.
Agree with @LoveTheBard, it was 100% my S18s choice but I felt free to point out pros and cons of each school. I think S18 actually enjoyed using me as a sounding board.
I think the parents should have a voice even if the kid ends up picking the school. There are just too many variables they never think about just due to experience. In other words a little guidance helps.
I agree with @Knowsstuff , kids cannot factor in all of the considerations without some help. Parents shouldn’t manipulate. But they should be there to create a matrix and point out pros and cons. In addition, parents can help the student uncover other factors like hiring rates and strength of a major. To think that an 18 year old who is also in school full time has the time or inclination to do the research isn’t logical. My nephews were picking schools based on the food in the cafeteria, the new gym and the weather. And they attended these schools!!! Things which matter to someone 18 don’t matter to hiring managers. Kids are there to learn and to have a job when they graduate. If they get just the fun factor or discover themselves and end up without a job, they have not succeeded. Each family is different we try to balance learning with work.
@Happytimes2001 Exactly. When looking at schools I VS the kids were looking at different things to factor in. We as stated made an extensive excel spreadsheet and this really helped with all the factors that were important to us even deadlines, cost comparisons, scholarships expected funding etc. How good the food was never made the list… Ha… We also made both kids look at a variety of schools on paper and in person on purpose. We didn’t want them to not have good choices. It’s nice only looking at the top schools for your interest but with so much competition we made them look a step or two below and learn about really great schools. If things didn’t work out with the first level choices I didn’t want to hear they didn’t like their choice of schools. Making them learn about schools that were their backups or even back up to their back ups did this and they learned that there are really great schools beyond what they were initially looking at.
I don’t think I would tell him ‘where he should go’ - but I would (and I have) have a discussion with him about the pros and the cons of the schools and give him your honest assessment based on your experiences
We gave our son a list of about 20 colleges that we could afford that offered one of the majors he liked. He had his own preferences that eliminated some right off the bat. He is applying to 7. We have already visited 4 of them and will visit the remaining schools by the end of October. He will ultimately make the final decision and we are fine with it.
As a parent, I would give a complete freedom. But as a benefactor, my daughter asks if I can and would like to pay for her choice before considering to apply.
@melodyb75 My younger kid chose almost all of the colleges to which she applied – only one came onto her list because of me or my spouse. She was only interested in attending art schools and had a strong preference to attend college in a “real city in the East.” She applied to 6 and was admitted to all. She chose to attend RISD. Cost wasn’t a significant factor in the decision.
My older kid chose none of the colleges to which he applied. He let me come up with the list. He didn’t want to do a tour (he’d seen several colleges as a high school debater), and he didn’t bother to use the web or guidebooks. He wanted a college “where it’s safe to be a thinker.” He trusted my judgment in composing his list. Once the acceptances came in, he visited a couple of the colleges he hadn’t been to before. The final decision was his. After doing an overnight at UChicago on “admitted students’ day” – the first time he had seen the college – he declared the next morning that “this will do.” No muss, no fuss. It was done.
I applied early decision to one school and to two others that had rolling admissions. I was deferred from ED school, got into one rolling admit school for summer term and the other rolling admit school’s honors program. After a visit clearly knocking ED school off the list (it was Tufts, it was 1984, and all the kids were wearing the sweatshirts of the Ivies they didn’t get into - nary a smile among the bunch). I told my Dad, “I’m going to X honors program, they think I am smart and Y thinks I am dumb and need to start early.” My dad said, “Nope. Unless you get in to a higher ranked school than Y that wants you to start summer term, you will attend Y.” I didn’t want to apply to more schools. Y worked out very well for me and I especially love(d) being a “summer flunkie.” My daughter has one “Hail Mary” school. I told her “you can apply, but you need to understand you will get in only by some crazy miracle and, if you do, you are going. Period. End of story. If you can’t live with that, don’t apply.” She’s got 11 more on the list. I have my preferences, but out of those 11, it is all up to her. (P.S. The Hail Mary is not an Ivy. Or Stanford. Or MIT. No lectures necessary.)
My two kids had 2 different college application experiences. One was rejected from most top choices and ultimately went to a WL school, and another got in ED.
It didn’t matter how they got in, my criteria was still ranking of schools. We had reach, match and safety. They had options of picking schools within each category, but if it was a reach school vs a match school they were going to a reach school. We were full pay, so I wanted to make sure we got the most ROI. I know we often debate about rankings (how useful), but I knew careers they wanted to pursue where they went to schools mattered.
To be very frank, why would I leave it completely to my kids when the cost of attending was 250k+.
I’m not sure why you would tell your child she had to go to her “hail mary” school if she applied. Mine had one too but she was crystal clear it wasn’t her first choice and she was only applying because her GC told her she should have a high reach on her list.
Once we had discussed the financial implications of attending specific colleges our input was mostly drawing up a list of the pros and cons, as we saw them, of each individual college she was interested in.
Ultimately, it was her decision where she attended.
I’m flabbergasted (well, maybe not given this is CC) that many kids aren’t being allowed to make their own decision. What’s the worst that can happen? If they choose poorly they can transfer. Great life lesson which is part of what college is supposed to be about.
@eb23282 I think it really depends on the school, finances and major. Can’t really easily transfer into some engineering curriculums very easy if it doesn’t work out at the first school. Not all kids are ready to make that decision also. It’s why I say… “know thy child”. Sometimes it’s blatantly obvious the kid is making a bad choice but I blame the parents for that. If the list was a collaboration between student, counselor and parent then the final list should have no bad choices on it and let the student pick.
To add to my comments. When we first started the process we came up with a list of schools for each college between my wife and I. Their majors had obvious schools to research for each of their majors. For my sons engineering major we came up with 38 schools. Yes, 38.! This is what started our extensive excel spreadsheet. The kids came up with their own more realistic lists we, I think, were having a bit of fun and just wanted to see what was out there. All I can tell you is there are a lot of great schools for engineering and theater majors… 
As grades and scores, stats become more available and interest in location, school programs etc grew the list started to dwindle. Both kids applied to multiple matches and safeties and their reaches. They visited a lot of the schools with stronger interests.
The rule in our house was. If you don’t get accepted anywhere you are going to community college. If you have more then one choice you are going to the school that is best for your interest and that we can afford. They both got multiple acceptances and picked the best schools that we can afford to send them to. This did include one kids reach but number 1 ranked school in their major. The merit given just didn’t make it feasible. Till today it ended up being the best decision since she changed majors.