<p>The parents of this forum seem identical to the students: obsessive about college, testing, etc. My parents don't seem to be freaking out about college as much as some of those here. I'm beginning to wonder if my parents are too lax, taking each day as it comes, or under-prepared. Basically, my parents are here to help me along the way but aren't making many decisions for me. They would like for me to make logical decisions as far as location, cost, and other factors that are important to me because really, this is about me. Of course, they'll help fund my education and it's a joint investment, but a lot seems to be up to me.</p>
<p>Just how much should a parent be involved in the college selection process?</p>
<p>I think a lot of kids would kill to be in your position. Parents who trust them to make decisions for themselves rather than trying to orchestrate everything. </p>
<p>The simple answer is, it depends on your family. Some kids need a ton of guidance, some don’t need any. Of course, that doesn’t mean the parent’s level of involvement will always correspond well to those needs…</p>
<p>It’s called selection bias. The parents that take the time and energy to come to cc will be more involved or proactive about many college things. There are parents who don’t come to cc that are also involved/proactive/helicoptering, and there are parents who don’t come to cc that are uninvolved or trusting or focused on other things. Thus, you can’t take the level of involvement on cc and generalize it to the whole population. </p>
<p>How involved “should” a parent be in a kiddo’s college selection (out of approx 4000 colleges that range in price)? Totally depends on each individual family!</p>
<p>That being said, I love your response, bethievt!!</p>
<p>If you feel that you may not be getting enough guidance from your parents to help you through this complex process, you may want to check out some threads here about topics that you’re uncertain about. Or you could get a book or two about applying to college and read them.</p>
<p>The only unique type of help that only your parents can provide is information about the family’s financial situation and how it affects your college choices. </p>
<p>Everything else can be supplied by other sources (your guidance counselor, books, Web sites, and us). </p>
<p>If your parents aren’t getting as heavily involved as some parents here, it may be because (1) they aren’t especially knowledgeable about the college admissions process, (2) they trust you to handle the process on your own, (3) they don’t think it’s time to focus on college admissions yet, or (4) they aren’t worried about the outcome. </p>
<p>I knew several parents who were in group #4. In our area, there’s a very good community college with open admissions. Some parents were not at all worried about their kids’ college choices because of the availability of this community college. They figured that if their kids didn’t get admitted to a college they liked or didn’t get enough financial aid, the kid could just do the first two years at the community college and then transfer. No big deal. Maybe your parents feel the same way.</p>
<p>I was very involved with my kids college process because of the cost and I really didn’t believe my kids could do all the preparation and make the choice all on their own. My kids couldn’t even buy a car on their own($30K), I don’t know why they would know how to pick a school on their own to get the most bang for MY buck ($250K).</p>
<p>FYI - my kids also thought I let them make all the decisions too. It’s all really how you spin it.</p>
<p>Time spent here is time I don’t bother my kid about college. If you were to ask him if I were obsessed about it, he would say no. I got no guidance when I was choosing a college about a million years ago and I know how that felt, and I want to spare my sons that painful feeling. If they need the help I will be there, but I am not shoving anything at them. Well, mostly :)</p>
<p>I’m as involved as the kids want me to be. When we started the process we talked money so they had an idea of how much was there. They figured out what kind of school they wanted. I did most of the research for them because I had the time and they did not. I would compile a list and they would then look at them online and give the thumbs up, thumbs down. I usually made travel arrangements for visits because I have the credit card :D. All decisions to apply or not and final choices are theirs. We certainly gave our opinion and helped them walk through the reasoning behind why we thought certain schools were better than others for them. </p>
<p>Like RunsWScissors–my parents gave no help and really didn’t get a chance to explore all the options out there because I didn’t know what was there or how to go about it–long before the internet.</p>
<p>Where you absolutely need parental involvement is with finances if you need your parents to pay. A lot of parents don’t think about it much, and vaguely figure that with aid and scholarships that they’ve been hearing about, it’ll all work out. They’re all for their kid doing whatever he wanted until the final numbers rollled in, and then, horrors, all was unaffordable. </p>
<p>My DH’s colleage was gung ho all the way in terms of cheering his son on and proud that his son was doing it all. Hoped and hoped he’d get into a Boston schools which was where the kid wanted to be. Well, he had some very nice Boston choices, all to the tune of $60K a year, and it would have been nice for dad to have been involved at some point to tell him that that was not affordable instead of being outraged that the schools expected the family to pay that. Kid ended up at a SUNY. A lot of grief would have been avoided if dad had taken the time to do the research and get that kid was not going to get financial aid and that big merit money at those schools was highly unlikely. </p>
<p>A lot of us on the boards are just interested in the process itself, and learned enough about it that we want to share what we learned to others. Many of us don’t even have kids in the running for college apps right now or for a very long time (grandkids maybe)</p>
<p>A lot of parents would kill to have kids like you who are ready to fly on their own. Also some parents spend time here so that we don’t lean on our kids too much.</p>
<p>Where many students come out ‘ahead’ (for lack of a better word) through parent involvement is through research. The students number one job is to do well in school, their activities/ECs/job/etc, and hopefully score well on ACTs/SATs. If they have a parent who can partner in research for schools that might be viable opportunities financially either via financial aid (ie school meets 100% of demonstrated need), scholarships, or COA that is affordable, the student may have a wider pool of viable options both to apply to, and in acceptances come April to chose from. Are students capable of researching this, yes. Do many do it, no. If the student is relying on their GC for information and support they may miss out on some great opportunities (at best), and possibly be given terrible advise (with all due respect to the GCs on CC we do know that there is some pretty pathetic information going out in our high schools). So call it invasive, too involved, helicoptering, what have you, but I know my kids were not steered towards any one singular college because of my involvement. There were however made aware of schools they would not have know otherwise were a possibility and they had greater options to choose from.</p>
<p>The most important role parents have in the college selection process is financial. Many laissez-faire parents re the college admissions process are that way because they are really ignorant and naive about the costs of college and how it can be financed. When reality hits, they are shocked. </p>
<p>OP, you might ask your parents if they have filled out the FAFSA 4caster or any other EFC calculator. Do you really know what your parents are able and willing to pay? When you say your education is a “joint” investment, do you know how much you are able or willing to borrow on your own? Are your parents planning on co-signing large loans for you? It’s certainly possible for parents to be hands-off about academic decisions, but the way the system is set up, it’s not possible for them to be hands-off about finances. You’ll need their tax information even to be able to apply for Stafford loans in your own name.</p>
<p>NJSue–I agree. Either they didn’t go to college themselves or only looked at/went to a local school and really think that things are the same these days. Not that there is anything wrong with local schools but it’s a narrow focus for most kids. I also think that people don’t realize how little financial aid really is available. I remember when we started working with our financial planner shortly after we got married. We were trying to plan college costs and he said that by the time our kids were in college that the school we attended (as did he) would be about $50,000/year. We didn’t quite believe him but went with it. Glad we did. Estimated COA is about $47,000 next year. It was $15,000 when we were there.</p>
<p>My family is like yours. Very hands off and they expect me to figure most things out. I think it’s better this way- it makes me independent and I get the bare minimum info I need. It really surprises me how involved others get- they arrange summer programs for their kids and even help with applying to grad school! I think that’s a little crazy but it obviously depends on the relationship between the child and parent. Also, I suppose you get selection bias since most parents who come here are naturally helicopters or have children that need guidance. So you can expect them to be inordinately involved. My former HS was full or really independent, talented kids who I looked up to so I got into the process kind of early.</p>
<p>Thanks for all of the responses! I’m definitely trusted by my parents. Early on, they made it clear that I would be going to college and in eighth grade, I got into CollegeBoard and finding my “niche.” My mother knows the schools that I am considering and is totally okay with all of them. We aren’t made of money nor do we have much saved, so what scholarships, financial aid, etc. don’t cover, loans probably will. </p>
<p>I don’t think my mom is too concerned about my acceptance and ability to receive scholarships. So as Marian put it, maybe she isn’t “worried about the outcome.” I’m not sure. At any rate, I’m sure she’ll begin talking about it more and more as the time nears. When it comes time to crunch numbers, etc., she’ll definitely be involved. But as far as doing research for me for college, no way! </p>
<p>I guess I’m wowed by the involvement of the parents here and am starting to compare. Probably shouldn’t do that.</p>
<p>SteveMA, I didn’t believe the forecasts either. Still have a hard time believing how much the privates now cost. I thought the bubble would burst in the $40K range and now OOS pulbics are encraoching that figure, some having past it.</p>
<p>@ ecounter11 - I find your comment to be rather harsh regarding the “inordinately involved helicopter parents, or those needing guidance”, seeing as how you frequent the Parents of the hs class of 2014 where you have received nothing but encouragement and support from all of those helicopter parents. Should we all ignore you seeing as how you think being independent is the better way? Of course not!! All the same, you might have thought twice about your statement, the forum you were in, and who else might be reading it.</p>
Well, then someone should. Your family doesn’t have much saved, so you will need to know based on your family’s income would you be eligible for need based aid. There are schools that do not give merit aid, so if you are going to need aid and not eligible for FA, why would you look at those schools? As someone mentioned earlier, the first thing to do is to figure out what you could afford. You don’t pick your schools first then crunch numbers later. You may find out that you couldn’t afford to go to a lot of those schools on your list.</p>