Parent Reflection-July Already

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
1

<p>Wow--July already-just about 67 days left until we head off to bs.</p>

<p>As we prepare for our third summer east to Vassar, (we take an overnight train to Albany, rent a car, drive to poughkeepsie-lol), I can honestly say that I am more calm and laid back than ever before. As my d decided to pack this morning at 2am, I didnt panic. I just surfed the net and bought airline tickets, car rentals and hotel arrangements, as she asked a few select questions about what matched what. </p>

<p>I keep realizing the issues we have are like the following example: Am I concerned about her having enough underwear-yep, but their are two possible outcomes: 1. she will have enough or 2. she wont have enough. Case one we are fine...case two leads to other possible outcomes, she will inform me to buy some more, she will order some from online, or she will wash a lot more often. Regardless, things will be fine.</p>

<p>So will she, but me....well.......yes...I believe so.</p>

<p>As the summer days go by and friends ask me "just when does she leave". I have become very reflective. Its is difficult to believe that almost 15 years have passed and my cute little baby is now a teenager about to begin the most exciting part of her short life so far. Months ago I thought the closer the time got for her to go the more stressed I would become.....not the case. The calmness over this time is almost scary. When I think I maybe should panic, I just sit back, take a breath and realize I have done the best possible job I could do and she will be fine. I have prepared her and she is more ready than even I realized. </p>

<p>Will there be stress and tears and long phone calls...I sure hope so. As we all know, growth is never easy, not for the one doing the growing nor those who must watch the growing take place. </p>

<p>I have given up the total stress about the plane rides without me, the choices she makes in food, her dressing for the weather. I know the plane rides will be fine, she will either gain weight, loose weight or stay the same, and she will take the sweater and put on the socks...or not.</p>

<p>Wow, I think I am almost ready for her to go to bs.</p>

2

<p>You sound ready to me. After two years of this my daughter is a better traveler than I am, she is better at packing a suitcase than I am, she is probably better at laundry (although she “lets” me do it when she is home), she gained weight one year, lost it the next, she even grew an inch in height. And she is still my baby.</p>

3

<p>As I look forward to my son’s second year at boarding school, I am making a couple of adjustments: 1) bring less stuff to school this year. Just a few weeks ago at the end of the school year, we struggled to pack everything into five boxes. We actually ended up storing eight boxes (one was for a big bean bag). Because we were flying back home, we were unable to bring home a lot of the excess stuff. When we drive back in September, I will bring back the extra stuff he doesn’t need (i.e., towels, clothes, school supplies, etc.). </p>

<p>The second adjustment will be to schedule two additional trips to visit son at school. Last year, I went for parent’s weekend in October. This upcoming year I plan to go for parent’s weekend in late October, President’s Day weekend in mid-February, and sometime in late April.</p>

4

<p>Oh, this is so timely. There are 54 days before I drop my darling girl off on the other coast (we’re driving) and I’m trying to savor every moment. Up until now I have been so excited for her that I haven’t really been able to imagine life without her on a day-to-day basis. When I do try to imagine it I go numb. I’ve spoken to people for whom this was their way of life in the past, but am hoping that with Skype, email, texts, and cell phones it will be easier. Then I try to imagine weekends without her (shopping, cooking and watching chick flicks) and I seize up. It certainly helps to know that there are so many others doing this. Until now I hated the idea of flying (me or my kids) but I have to let go of that too. I cried often and hard when she first applied, but haven’t felt much other than excitement and pride since. I fear that there is a sleeping monster of grief hiding inside me, who will awaken at some unplanned moment, hopefully not in front of her new classmates!</p>

5

<p>This is a great thread. Alex825Mom and Wcmom, enjoy the summer days! They fly by very quickly. One thing that helped me in the first year was having a set time to communicate with my son. I could be on Saturday mornings, Tues. and Thurs. at 6:00 pm, whatever. Of course they can always feel free to contact you at any other time as well. But BS students never seem to call home enough and this can be a great source of anxiety for parents. If you can somehow build it into their schedule, it will prevent you from wondering, night after night, when you will get the next call.</p>

<p>@Kali3000: I wholeheartedly agree about all of that stuff! Last month, as we were packing up his room to head home, I kept saying to myself, what in the world was I thinking!!! We will scale back for the second year as well.</p>

6

<p>Very nice thread! And reassuring.</p>

7

<p>When my daughter first went to boarding school as a trial “balloon” (summer school program) we grieved a lot and then we began getting daily phone calls and/or text messages and that helped a lot. We realized that the parent “instinct” was to know she was alive and well. I didn’t need to see her face every day (although I missed the hugs). We’ve agreed to skype once a week and she could send random text messages or update us via Facebook and we’d be fine. Really, the intervals between school and long vacations (Thanksgiving is a week, for instance) was doable and the family bond would be stronger when she was home.</p>

<p>We are also bolstered by the fact that it was her decision, she really needed the challenge, our own local schools are imploding and she was going on to an experience that would be amazing for her maturity and self-esteem. (the local private schools are elitist, more interested in our dollars than our daughter and frankly can’t match what a boarding school will give her.)</p>

<p>She’s excited about her new school, they seem to like her, the current students whisked her away during revisit when they saw she was an incoming sophomore, and that makes it all worth while. I’ve done my job - now she’s ready to fly.</p>

8

<p>Exie,
I personally know four Taft School graduates, and all are topdogs in their fields, education, non profit, medical and government. The one thing they all have in common is how much they loved Taft. I believe your daughter will be attending there in the fall? Congratulations if so!</p>

9

<p>Mine leaves in a month from today (pre season football). So happy for him but feel like we are closing a very special chapter in our lives. Can’t imagine not seeing him at breakfast or checking on him before I go to bed. Yup…this is going to be tougher than I thought.</p>

10

<p>@Ramon712 - hang in there. While this chapter’s closing, another is just beginning. Before you know it, he’ll be back home on an extended holiday break and you’ll find yourself checking on him at bedtime, if only for old time sake.</p>

11

<p>Skype, skype, skype (and a lot of cell texts) will make all the difference. We figured out that we just wanted to know our child was alive. So with one in Japan and one at Exeter for the summer we got used to the “quiet” as long as we got at least one call or text each day. So ‘mini-me’ is going to train me on skype before she leaves.</p>

<p>And remember - they come home for breaks which are often longer than regular school breaks.</p>

12

<p>I guess there’s no getting around it…we are at T-15 days till we take D to school and the tension is palpable. At this point, the separation just can’t be as hard as the anticipation of the separation. And yes, I am counting on Skype and cell phones. COULD NOT have done this 10+ years ago!!!</p>

13

<p>After sending our child to BS for the first time last year, the lessons we learned, most of which are cited above, are as follows: make lots of calls by skype and cell phone; take several trips to BS during school year; stay in touch, from time to time, with child’s faculty advisor; and send to BS much less junk for child.</p>

14

<p>I wrote my son’s new address in my address book yesterday. It’s a very strange thing for a mother to do for the first time.</p>

<p>So now I’m feeling guilty about how little I considered my mother when I left for college, especially since I am her youngest. Time for a call…</p>

15

<p>Neato - isn’t that the truth! You never know the kinds of sacrifices your parents made for you until you’re making the same sacrifices for your own brood - or how important little things like a kid’s phone call are to boost the spirits of Mom and Dad. My wife and I coveted every scrap of information we could get during the school year. We’d pore over the public website pics hoping for a glimpse. Even calls home asking for money or some other stupid/trivial thing were fun to receive.</p>

16

<p>Wow, it is August already, a month from now I will be an “empty nester”. I am excited and my laid back d is so cool. I am not sure if she is nervous or just patiently waiting. </p>

<p>I am waiting for her house assignment so I can picture where she will be when she is away. As the area children speak of returning to school, my d smiles and speaks fondly of her new school. People still assume she has done something wrong. They continue to ask her "are you sure you want to go? She laughs and smiles and say “for sure.”</p>

17

<p>Am in the middle of the country halfway to dropping D off. What a grand journey but am now looking squarely in the face of goodbye and rationalizations are not working!! Can’t fathom only seeing her on Skype. Breathe!!</p>

<p>And am looking forward to having pizza with Alex and her mom tonight :). Now THAT’S cool isn’t it?</p>

18

<p>Stop that. This is madness! What were we thinking! (lol!)</p>

<p>My D won’t even let me say how few days are left. She’s excited and talking to friends at the school via Facebook. She’s been packing and organizing. But we aren’t allowed to discuss it. I think driving up to the door will be hard. After she gets into the mix of students I think I’ll become invisible. but she’s going to set up my Skype before she goes. And thank goodness for “grandma” whose wardrobe contributions are wonderfully preppy. My daughter did the “Clueless” thing and made me photograph her in the outfits so she could see how she looked.</p>

<p>I’d cry in my beer but I don’t drink - sigh!</p>

19

<p>OMG. Are some schools starting already? </p>

<p>Taft move-in day is September 7th. If anyone will be there I’ll be the one bawling at the front door when my daughter is out of sight - lol!</p>

20

<p>We talk about it…in fact leaving home and getting started is all we talk about…I wish we could just start already…then I think the anxiety will go way down for us both</p>

<p>My son told me he was giving up a part of his childhood by growing up sooner than his friends and “moving away,”</p>

<p>I tried to tell him that nothing stays the same. Regardless of whether he was a 9th grader here or a lower, prep, junior or third former there…he and all his friends are growing up, becoming more independent and although he is moving two hours away that we would still be in constant and close touch. Funny how these things are being mulled over and interpreted…I never would have thunk about it in those terms. Encourage talking and feeling…I think it’s better to get it on the table, rather than get surprised once the proverbial dropping off at the front door occurs,</p>