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<p>LOL, oldfort. This made me laugh out loud. Much appreciated on this All Hallow’s Eve!</p>
<p>LOL…</p>
<p>Still, very cool, imho.</p>
<p>We had to make a decision like this for our older daughter. It is not easy I know. We tried to think about value, but it’s hard to know what the net value of School X or School Y really is. </p>
<p>One thing that helped me was to look at the data on how much each school actually spends on instruction, per student. I want to find that web-site again, but can’t remember the name and so far my searching isn’t working. We decided on a more expensive school for my daughter, because even at full pay, the school was investing far more in her education than we were paying, because they have a large endowment. The other school was slightly less expensive, but the amount the school spent on instruction, per student, was less than the cost of tuition. They just couldn’t offer the same opportunities, because they were funded primarily by the tuition of full-pay families, not by their endowment.</p>
<p>Maybe that’s just a fancy way of justifying what we’re spending!</p>
<p>Who can remember the name of the web-site that breaks down the actual amount of money the colleges spend per student?</p>
<p>Thanks to everyone for your posts!! We too are in a situation where we could afford the extra $$, but to us, we really wanted our daughter to learn the value of the money spent. We started out telling her that we had $30,000 a year for her, and if she wanted to go go a school more expensive, she had to be liable for the extra $$. She chose the a top 10 engineering school @$23,000 a year instead of a great, much smaller one that I know would have been a great fit, but at $42,000 a year. I too am feeling a bit guilty. Funny, the $12,000 a year she would have been liable for, does not sound like a lot, but the truth is - the school would be $19,000 more a year overall x 4 = $76,000 more. Yes. what better than to invest in our children’s future, but there is a greater lesson to be learned about the value of money. This has truley been the most exciting time of our lives, but extremely stressful. There is such comfort knowing others are struggling with the same issues. We want to give our children everything, but by not, maybe they are getting “more”???</p>
<p>Try to look at your HS classes of 5 or 6 years ago and the outcomes (jobs, grad schools, etc).</p>
<p>IMO, if the expensive school is a Top 15 school, it could be worth it. If it is not, it won’t make any difference 4 years down the road. IMO, pick the school w/ the most academic focus (least partying), most academic demands, most career focused student body, and the outcomes will be better (worth the tuition investment).</p>
<p>Given the title of this thread, there is one other consideration. Will you have parental guilt if you spend $70K more on your daughter’s education than on your son’s? We were out of town for a baseball tournament last week and this was the parent’s dinner table topic one night. There was a split; one group’s position was that it was their money and they would spend it however they wanted, so they would have no problem sending one child to an in-state college and another to an expensive private college. Many in this group said their policy is to pay for the best school their child can get accepted to, as long as they can afford it. The other group’s position was that the same amount of money should be made available to each child. This group believed that siblings are natural “scorekeepers/bookkeepers” and that even if they don’t complain, they will have hard feelings if one sibling is getting significantly more money for their education from their parents. This group also felt strongly that even if there were no hard feelings, it is a simple issue of fairness and they themselves wouldn’t be comfortable with the discrepancy.</p>
<p>There were good arguments made on both sides, and some of them have been made in this thread. In our family, we mostly took the second approach. When our oldest was applying to schools with a $50K price tag, and we knew our EFC would be “whatever it costs”; we realized we could manage one at this price without sacrificing retirement, but not two. At that point we told both our sons the amount we would make available to each for their education (an amount equal to 6 times the COA of our state flagship). Anything above that amount would be their responsibility. We also added a little of the “it’s my money, I’ll spend it how I want” approach, by telling them we wouldn’t support them taking out loans for more than $5000 per year for undergraduate work. My oldest son decided he wanted to go to a top ranked school in his field, so he chose an out-of-state school that gave him some scholarship money. He also wants to go to graduate school. It’s been a joy to see his maturity in the way he has stepped up to make the sacrifices necessary to finance his decision. He worked two jobs last summer and he’s accepted a nomination to apply for an RA position, which will give him free room and board if he’s accepted. He will finish his first year without a loan. I think it’s been really good for him to have a stake in financing his education. My youngest son, who has always been frugal, is leaning towards our in-state flagship. He’s not sure what he wants to major in and he likes the idea of having money for a graduate or professional school. As frugal as he is, after touring the school, he even liked the idea of having enough money to pay the added premium for the nice, new dorms.</p>
<p>“We want to give our children everything, but by not, maybe they are getting “more”???”</p>
<p>I agree 100% with this statement. </p>
<p>The OP’s daughter might actually appreciate the school that she loves the most even more if she is partly responsible for paying for it. I think the people who suggested that the daughter be held responsible for some of the cost had a great idea. There is nothing wrong with putting limits on what we spend on our kids.</p>
<p>I couldn’t sleep last night because of the following: kicking myself for needing financial aid which may have hurt D’s chances at non needs blind schools; wondering if forgoing the fin aid will get her off the WL at a much desired school; worrying about S who is accepted at pvt school but I can’t do both – it’s like a bad movie – “she had to choose between her first born, and her son – tonight at 11”.</p>
<p>Maybe someone with experience at this can speak up, but I do not think telling a college that your kid on the waitlist will forego financial aid will change their waitlist status. I just don’t think most colleges would use that as a criteria to pick off the waitlist… am I wrong?</p>
<p>^I’m pretty sure I got that piece of wisdom from CC. At that point, it’s the easiest way to winnow down the list. The school may not admit it, but I’m pretty sure it’s true. Interested to hear what others say.</p>
<p>To the OP, even after the college visits, your daughter’s preferences will still be based on mostly fleeting impressions. I appreciate the principle of having the kid take out some loans for something important to her, and if she strenuously insists on picking the more expensive school, this might be a good approach (but from your own description of her, she sounds unlikely to do that). BUT, I think a teenager evaluating colleges truly can’t be expected to know whether the reality will be “worth” the debt and the parent is not doing the kid a favor by presenting loans as a reasonable option if the kid just thinks she likes A better than B. I’m not in favor of either generation taking on unnecessary debt, especially in this economy. No one’s future is “secure”.</p>
<p>OP- your last post mentioned you could afford the most expensive school, but with some sacrfice. NO, you CAN’T afford that school if it involves “sacrifice”. Choosing to forgo some luxuries is not a sacrifice, choosing to underfund your retirement plan is. I agree with post #31 about loans- avoid them.</p>
<p>Bottom line- don’t feel guilty about eliminating the top cost school.</p>
<p>We have the philosophy of paying forward. This means we give what we can to our child as my parents did for us with the expectation he will give to the next generation within his means. Son doesn’t owe us for his education, I don’t owe my parents (what anyone could and did pay for is irrelevant and can be forgotten). No guilt for not being able to provide for elderly parents who gave up things (if this becomes the case) so we could get ahead for any generation. You never know what the future will bring.</p>
<p>I have heard from many sources (GC, personal experience) that many privates will only consider students who don´t need FA when it comes to WL. This is especially the case for smaller schools where there isn´t as much FA.</p>
<p>Class2005 already applied for FA. I don´t know how much EFC we are talking about. If it´s only few thousands, then it maybe worth while. But if the gap is 10k+ then I am not sure it´s wise.</p>
<p>Most privates are need-aware, and there are often needy top students they would like to admit but can’t, after the financial aid budget has been depleted. So I think there are schools that would react to a wait-listed applicant no longer needing financial aid. I think it’s not soooo uncommon that, e.g., grandparents can actually pay the bill.</p>
<p>^^Right – and if in the scheme of things, we can make some sacrifices to get her in to a top school, I would do that. I’m not selling kidneys or anything, but if it’s a swing factor and it means no extras for a few years, or more, I’m ok with that.</p>
<p>At times I have the same kind of guilty feelings as the OP. I went to an Ivy League school from 1976 to 80. My parents paid the whole tab. When I graduated, tuition, room and board was just under $10,000. I remember people being horrified that an Ivy League education would soon cost Ten Thousand Dollars(!). When I plug $10,000 in 1980 dollars into an inflation calculator, it comes out to about $27,000 in 2011 dollars. The cost to attend that Ivy League college is now more than twice that much ($56K for next year). So the real cost of that college has doubled in 30 years. I certainly don’t make twice what my father did in 1980 adjusted for inflation, but I still don’t qualify for need-based aid.</p>
<p>My son’s qualifications are not quite Ivy League, but he has gotten into one very good private college and could have gotten into more had they met his criteria (big school, lots of school spirit, not in a city, in the Northeast). Should I feel guilty that I can’t do for him what my parents did for me without jeopardizing my retirement (my Dad had a pension too, I don’t, not even a 401(k) match)–that is, a full ride to the private school of his choice regardless of cost? Intellectually, I know times have changed and the cost of college has far outstripped the rate of inflation, but in my heart it still hurts a little bit. Fortunately, given my son’s criteria, he’s more interested state schools, including our state flagship. If he goes there, there will be money left over for grad school, if he chooses the OOS flagship that gave hime merit aid, we can cover it without loans. The other OOS flagship didn’t give him any merit aid, so that would require loans (not worth it IMO). The private did give him a small merit award, but it hardly makes a dent in the cost (almost as much as my Ivy), making it not feasible.</p>
<p>Anyway, I just wanted the OP to know that there are others of us out here wrestling with the same issue.</p>