<p>Daughter received tuition to in-state Barrett Honors college here in Tempe az. We live 5 minutes from school. Daughter has own part of house with her own entrance, bathroom, kitchenette etc. Does not have to pay anything to stay here, no curfrew, we pay car insurance food etc. Also give spending money. She has her own car we ;pay ins and everything for. She is fighting to stay on dorm at Barrett's. Room and Board is approx. $9000.00 per year. Scholarship only covered tuition. Husband and I will have to pay books, gas etc. Which we are willing to do. She will have no curfew and may come and go as she pleases at home. Daughter even has her own entrance away from main house. Still not good enough, husband and I feel its ridiculous to have $36000.00 debt for the next 4 years and then start graduate school (med school) . Thats when she can start racking up debt for graduate school not for undergrad. Also she is only child has no siblings to fight with while at home to bother her to study. Also Husband and I both just got laid off from our jobs. Looking for work but likely will be taking jobs making half of what we did. Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Guilt is killing me...</p>
<p>You could rent out her part of the house, to defray dorm expenses.</p>
<p>please don’t feel guilty
my crystal ball said "your future is sunny & you will win "
hope this will cheer you up.</p>
<p>sometimes laying out family budget/income in a very simple terms to your D
will help her see things clearly.
5 minutes from college vs 9000 cost in dorm with limited family budget
should be easy for her to understand.
hope things will work out for her.</p>
<p>Thank you Eduedm,</p>
<p>I really needed to hear that. I’ve lived my whole life for my daughter and in these times , we are just doing the best we can. She’ s has never had a chore or responsiblity so that she may be able to reach these high grades. I just never expected this to happen to us. She has it made pretty well but it never seems to be enough. Thank you again for the kind words :)</p>
<p>Living at home,even in her own part of your house, is very different than living in a dorm . Can your daughter help with getting a summer job,job on campus to help cover her dorm costs? If you and your husband did just get laid off, ask for a financial review from the college.</p>
<p>Okay, well you are paying for her food. And an efficiency apartment might be easy to rent out - heck, to another student! If she stays in the dorm, you shouldn’t pay for her gas (and I’m not sure about the insurance either.) In other words, there may be more options in there.</p>
<p>In any case, no guilt. Give thanks!</p>
<p>Agree that living in the dorm is an important part of the college experience. Obviously, it’s up to your family to decide about the amount of debt you’re comfortable with. In addition to asking your daughter to work part-time to help pay for room and board on campus, would you consider selling her car? You mention you live just 5 minutes from campus? Sounds like she could do without it.</p>
<p>It will be easier for her to make friends and feel like she is part of the community if she is living on campus. You don’t have to give her spending money or gas money, let her earn her own. If she is at a state school on a scholarship then you are already getting a break on the cost of her education.</p>
<p>How about a compromise? Freshman year in a dorm, so she will have the opportunity to make friends and have the full “college experience” (provided she works this summer to help defray the cost), then, for the remaining years, when many of her peers will be moving off-campus anyway, she gets to stay in what sounds like a fantastic apartment.</p>
<p>On a side note, the only guilt you should be feeling is that you raised a child who never had a chore or a responsibility and has been handed everything–not surprising she feels so entitled.</p>
<p>
This is a great suggestion.</p>
<p>99% of college students(and their friends) would have no desire to live in an apartment next to the parents, especially after living as a freshman in a dorm! You have a great deal with full tuition at your state university with no other kids apparently to worry about. You are in a great position. If she wants to live off campus to cover her costs, there are employment opportunities and Stafford loans that would help.</p>
<p>Daughter is not being unreasonable. I’m sure she appreciates all you’ve done for her…but college undergrad is a once in a lifetime thing…sell her car, rent her room out, etc.</p>
<p>You could rent out her apartment. Use the $ to pay for the dorms (though it probably won’t cover it.) She should work to pay the rest. Of course, when she comes home on breaks, her room won’t be available, so hopefully you have room for her in the main house. It would do your D some good to appreciate the situation here–parents have no jobs, yet are still helping her go to school the best way they can. Other students have had to give up college to work to support their parents (and maybe siblings) in this situation. It does your D no good to allow her to be this ungrateful and entitled.</p>
<p>I believe that we have spoiled our kids, out of love and a desire to see them succeed. Time to stop. (kinda talking to myself here, as well…)</p>
<p>Ultimately it comes down to $. If you can swing it let her live in dorms. I went to ASU as a commuter student. I did not get involved with much on campus. I went to classes then went home to study then went to work. Going thru college search with son makes me realize I missed so much. She has to understand the sacrifices and maybe not have$ for grad school. Lay it all out for her and decide as a family what will work.</p>
<p>Sent from my DROID2 GLOBAL using CC App</p>
<p>Sevmom wrote:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>but must have missed this in the OP:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I think you have some great suggestions from others–but if you aren’t able to rent out the room to someone else or sell your daughter’s car or make some other adjustment should you choose to try to let D live on-campus, your D shouldn’t expect you to go into debt just so she can live on-campus. OP–perhaps you could put the onus on your D to find a way to pay for a room on campus, and you could agree that you’d pay for food (which you are currently paying for anyway).</p>
<p>You and your spouse are both unemployed. You do not know when you will begin bringing in money again.</p>
<p>Family is about working together. Sacrificing for one another. Doing what is best for the team. It is your daughters turn to sacrifice. She is too young to understand how much extra money you have to make in order to have $9000. You just have to say I’m sorry but no, for the first time in your life, no.</p>
<p>She is 5 minutes away. She can make friends and hang out at the dorms with her friends. She is only 5 minutes away. Heck, she can advertise for a roomate and bring a fellow student in to her little suite at home and help out with the bills,</p>
<p>She needs to step up. Give her the chance to be a responsible helping cog in your family wheel. It will help her become a better person. Give her that opportumity.</p>
<p>Schokolade, I did not miss that about the layoffs. I clearly said they should pursue this with the school.</p>
<p>I agree with Sevmom - it is worth a meeting with the ASU financial aid office to explain a change in family finances. The EFC becomes 0 if both parents are unemployed, right?</p>
<p>Best of luck to the OP.</p>
<p>
Just my opinion but first, let’s get this fixed. Then you can work on the rest.</p>
<p>I like the idea of her living in the dorms for a year and then moving back to the apartment, though I recognize that this may be impossible given the financial situation. </p>
<p>What is she willing to contribute to this? </p>
<p>Either way, there is no reason to feel guilty. Too many parents doing too much for their kids walking around feeling guilty.</p>