<p>D is home for spring break and is a finalist for a national award of significant size. She was nominated by her school. It is truly an honor for her to have been considered. Our problem is that for the first time ever, we are encountering serious teen rebellion! She believes we are smothering her. I am heart broken. To our knowledge, she has not even begun writing the additional essays that are required very soon. It could be that it is difficult to write about your plans for the future when you are quite uncertain about them. Should I just zip my lips and try to stay out of the house all week? I had dreamed of spending the days shopping, going to movies, and spending the time cooking together - just not going to happen, I guess. Is there any way to call a truce?</p>
<p>You must be living my life! Ha! Just sent D1 back to school...in fact she left on Sat. instead of Sunday as planned. She is a soph and this was also her first "crabby" visit. She is definitely trying to express her independence. We listened but told her she must treat us with respect. The thing that got me was she felt that she didn't need to help around the house since she was on "vacation"!!! What!!!!!!????? Where did that come from???!!! I about blew a gasket! Anyway we reminded our little darling that she has many family privileges and perhaps she needed to reflect on her many blessings. Got a call today from her...all is well in her universe. ;)</p>
<p>She needs to figure it out. You can suggest but in the end it is her decision to complete the work. I'm sorry your plans may be different than what you were looking forward to.</p>
<p>I solved this potential dilemma by sending DS off to Colorado for 4 days of skiing with his dad over spring break. He'll only be home for 3 days before heading back to school. The summer may be another story, though....</p>
<p>I suggest asking her to sit down with you and your DH, and discussing what expectations are for when she is home. And I do mean discussing... let her have some input, don't dictate terms. Try to each come up with a list of things that really matter to you (respect, knowing where she is) and things that are flexible (condition of room, "curfew" or lack thereof). </p>
<p>If all else fails remind her that yes, she is 18 and legally free to do as she pleases. And since she is 18, you are no longer obligated to provide her with housing, food, or money for college. If she REALLY wants to be independent, she'd better remember that independence is a two-edged sword!</p>
<p>"I had dreamed of spending the days shopping, going to movies, and spending the time cooking together - just not going to happen, I guess."</p>
<p>OP: Why don't you offer to do these things instead of asking her to write essays. I sure she gets enough deadlines at school. If she has always excelled, then she has the right to procrastinate. I am sure she will finish the essays in time.</p>
<p>For my S, essays that he "wasn't working on" (to my scheduling satisfaction ;) ) were, in fact, noodling around in his head. So that when he sat to do them, later than <em>my</em> plan, they rolled out quite nicely.</p>
<p>Ergo, I'm with atg4ever, invite your D to do those things you had been looking forward to ... starting with the one you think she'd most like to do.</p>
<p>If the award matters to her, she is not going to miss the deadline.</p>
<p>(Easy for us to say when we are not living in your home and biting our nails, but we are probably right :) ).</p>
<p>Thanks! You guys are so right! I went into her room and gave her a big hug-that cleared the air!</p>
<p>My H and I were fearful that self-destructive behavior might mean that she was not ready for what could be ahead, since the award involved an internship quite a distance away in addition to money.</p>
<p>Since her days at home may be numbered forever, I think it may be time to dye some Easter eggs....Thank you all!</p>
<p>For your daughter to have nominated for this award means that she's pretty spectacular.....she can probably write awesome essays in a short amount of time.....don't mention it again until just a couple of days before the due date. I'm one who has to hold myself back not to nag...one daughter doesn't need it (ever) and gets annoyed when I ask her...have you done xx yet? "YES, mom".....the other daughter needs the nagging, but has a filter in which she sees my lips move, but all she hears is "blah, blah, blah". The filter goes into overdrive when she's stressed. makes me crazy, but she manages to come out unscathed at the end of things...</p>
<p>Should I look forward to picking up my son on Friday? If this break is like winter break I will notice his presence by the closed door and disappearing food... I rather enjoy the nest being empty, especially since quality time with his parents isn't a priority for son. It is easier to e-mail thoughts he can digest at his leisure than to try to talk (I swear he has an attention deficit regarding listening to me).</p>
<p>Well, I only know of 1 other friend with the same week spring break as my D. Maybe we'll get a bit more face to face time. (But maybe she'll get some shifts at work).</p>
<p>My S didn't even come home for Spring Break! </p>
<p>He is a jr. so I have nothing to do with his academics anymore but when he was younger and I bugged him about deadlines, he would always say "Haven't I always gotten it done when I needed to?" To which I could only reply a very truthful " yes" and slink away. Let her take the wheel. I doubt you'll be disappointed.</p>
<p>ksm-good for you for seeing the light! ;) </p>
<p>My daughter isn't coming home for spring break- first time ever. We offered to pay (she's a first year grad student) but she has other plans.
The undergraduate years go by very fast. Cherish the time you have with her.</p>
<p>Sorry, have to say it again- I'm wishing we lived close enough to S that we could see him at spring break. Christmas vacation and summer together are all that are possible. (sigh)</p>
<p>Have a great vacation, and let her take care of the essay. We have never gotten good results when we try to nudge the kids into doing homework, writing application essays, etc.</p>