<p>Zoosermom:</p>
<p>If your kid does not seem stressed and she is healthy, sleeps well, I would not worry, especially is she is the one who chose the activities and not you, her teachers or GC. Most kids know their own limits. Those who buckle under tend to be those who are pressured by others to overachieve. or who have internalized the need to overdo things. The kid I would worry about is the perfectionist who does not know how to leave well enough alone.</p>
<p>I do think parents today walk a tightrope. While we didn't dictate what activities our kids were in, they were expected to have interests and stay busy enough to "keep out of trouble". Many of the kids I've seen go down the path of major drug use have been those with no interests. So some of mine played sports year round, one rode and showed horses, one did a combo of school sports and work. All worked during the summer. So I do think parents need to be involved enough to guide, keep them on track, know who they are with, but let them make the choices from the available "good choice options". I don't think our parents had so many issues to consider. Most of us didn't have cars, most kids worked, sports were only through school and all these enrichment opportunities just weren't available (at least where I grew up).</p>
<p>Part of the over-scheduling of kids comes directly from the school.</p>
<p>When I was in hs, the marching band played at pep rallies and at half-time shows at the football games. Not a major time commitment.</p>
<p>At my D's hs, the marching band not only performs at the half-time of football games, it competes in field show tournaments most fall Saturdays and takes trips to Hawaii, Vancouver BC, etc. The wind ensemble takes a yearly trip somewhere in the spring--Indianapolis, NYC, etc. </p>
<p>This isn't your father's band program anymore...</p>
<p>I am sure some parents try to "groom" or otherwise push their kids. Clearly there are cultural differences. Asians and some other groups push their kids. Actually, I have seen very little of this. There is a very noticeable change in the intensity of HS kids. A substantial proportion work very hard at school and also at EC's. Many kids have long lists of awards, accomplishments and activities. I don't think this is a bad thing. I grew up in the 60's and 70's. Kids had much less focus and ambition. While still serious problems, drugs and underaged drinking were at an all time high in the 70's. Many of today's HS and college kids seem to have much more ambition and desire to achieve excellence. No wonder the Ivies and very selective schools are being swamped with applications and the whole college application process has moved beyond weird.</p>
<p>Being from the NY area I stick out like a sore thumb where I live now. People are very laid back about the whole college thing. One of my friends here was SO relaxed with her kids all through high school that I didn't think the bar was very high. I don't know if this means anything, but both kids went to not very good colleges so it made me think I should ramp up with my son so that doesn't happen to him.....who knows!? He's only 12 so I guess I have some time........er.......</p>
<p>Loved your post, mommusic, and I agree. Parents push their kids because we want them to have a wide range of options for college and the future. It used to be: good grades, good test scores, normal range of activities -- you're in. Now it's: stellar grades, near perfect scores, bone-crushing list of activities and community service and where's your national award and part-time job? And even with ALL that, you may not be in.
A lot of the pressure today is because our kids have to compete for spots in college with the international community, something we generally didn't have to do. As parents, we walk a fine line between trying to guide and supervise our kids and mistakenly trying to mold them into something they're not.
My S was willing to work for grades (though not that hard, an A- or B+ being as good as an A to him) but he wasn't willing to spend hours on community service or ECs other than jazz band because paintball and movies with friends were how he wanted to spend his free time. He still got into several great universities (top 20) though not HYPS.
I've come to realize that a lot of my anxiety about college applications was overblown and self imposed. And remember, a lot of whether a student is accepted or not may have nothing to do with the student and his/her personal accomplishments. Other issues: are you seeking financial aid? Is the student the first in the family to go to college? Does the student offer ethnic diversity? Is the student a first-generation American? Is the student a high achiever coming from a low-income family? These are considerations for adcoms too and there's no amount of prepping or coaching that will change how they affect a kid's application.</p>