<p>I caught this article on Fark a couple weeks ago. I was wondering what you parents think regarding the matter. Are these valid criticisms of the college preparation culture created by the Baby Boomer generation? Personally, I think what goes on in the parents forum is impractical overkill. To quote an annoyed student poster from another forum:
[quote]
How many kids would sink in the swim to top college without their parents? I just find it sickening that there are parents so obsessed that they're addicted to this site, asking, "My D got a C in Math and now she won't have a 4.0. What should we do???" If your D is so smart then why does she need you to ask? Why can't she make a college list herself?
[/quote]
This isn't to say that kids are lazy. Parents need to back off and "let go." Mine played a minimal role in getting me into GWU and NYU this year (I ended up picking the former). It makes me cringe when I hear stories of parents writing entire essays for their children, becoming obsessed with their raising standardized test scores, or scoring cushy internships that will "look good" on an application. I don't see the point in listing college acceptances in huge threads either. Students are already at odds with each. Why should parents be adding to that tension, even if it's done in a fake "touchy-feely" manner?</p>
<p>
[quote] Mommy, Tell My Professor He's Not Nice! Over-involved baby boomer parents - and cell phones - redefine adulthood.</p>
<p>By Shannon Colavecchio-Van Sickler, Times Staff Writer
Published June 19, 2006</p>
<p>Parents of University of Florida students log on to their children's personal Gator-Link accounts to check grades, then call deans when they don't like what they see.</p>
<p>University of Central Florida parents call administrators to complain when their kids can't get into classes they want.</p>
<p>At Florida State University, parents of graduating seniors haggle with job recruiters. They want to make sure Junior gets a good salary and work schedule....."
<p>I said this before on a "helicopter parent" thread-
my dd would simply throw up a rope and pull me down if I was up there.
I can't imagine her putting up with me being so involved as is described.
I'd be too embarrassed myself to ever, e.g., call a Dean or talk to her on a cell phone AT ALL except for something rather urgent.
I'm amazed.</p>
<p>My daughter didn't even let me read her essay. Even AFTER she sent it in. (Grim smile. I write for a living.) </p>
<p>A dean at a nearby university told us, the amount of parent involvment has grown tremendously in the past few years. The school's attitude? If a parent calls, the student isn't mature enough to be at a university.</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
They laughed when Mastrodicasa told them not to expect report cards in the mail.
[/QUOTE]
I remember being in a parent orientation session at another school when the Dean of Student Life said the same thing and the response was not good.</p>
<p>Thanks for sharing that! We've had similar threads before, but that was a good, little article.</p>
<p>There's very little that phases me these days when it comes to high school students and their parents. However, I'm surprised when a parent will call for transfer admission information. At what point will the leash come off?</p>
<p>The helicoptering accusations are often true - BUT, when parents are paying the prices they have to pay today, and grades are not even mailed to the house, even addressed to the student (as mine were, back in the day), and when your 1 semester junior announces that because of continued scheduling difficulties over the last 2 semesters she won't graduate on time, I can't blame parents for calling administration and venting.</p>
<p>I think alot of parents worry about the real world and their children. They want to shelter the child from any displeasure in life..any. The result is an unmotivated sponge that is lost without mommy. </p>
<p>A kid's gotta bleed a little bit in life, how are they going to learn how to get up, if they are never knocked down once in awhile.</p>
<p>Where I live there is an Island called Mercer Island (Seattle). At the HS there parent teacher confrences are often legal affairs with the parents threating to sue the teacher for their kids C grade. The district has had to step in to try and minimize parental threats of lawsuits over grading. MI is home to (B. Gates and many others) very wealthy people. These people are used to getting what they want.</p>
<p>Fortunately, I have not been involved with my D's college, except to pay the bills. I can understand why parents may become involved. First many of us are paying more for tuition than we paid to buy a house a few years ago. Considering the costs, many of the services are very poor. College registrar and business offices are often very poor. Mistakes can be frequent and can be difficult to correct. I can't believe the number of problems my D has had with registering for classes and trying to update transfer credits. As an adult I would not put up with that sort of incompetence and inconvenience. College room and board costs are very high and seem to be a hidden form of revenue enhancement. Considering the high costs, the quality of dormitory living is usually very poor. The individual student is often ignored and must endure what can be really poor living arrangements. If the schools don't want parents involved in the administrative details, they need to pay some attention to the students and treat them like high paying customers.</p>
<p>Daughter and I visited a lovely University on Wednesday. I went on the tour with her and then we returned to the admissions office. The officer who was interviewing her came out and started talking to me and then said she'd bring me back to ask questions after she spoke to daughter. I smiled and told her that it wasn't necessary for her to speak with me and that I was going to go outside and enjoy the lovely views while my daughter spoke with her. I never came back in and daughter felt good about the interview. I'm not going to that college and I really don't think the admissions people need anything more from me, personally, than financial info. Was I wrong?</p>
<p>
[quote]
A kid's gotta bleed a little bit in life, how are they going to learn how to get up, if they are never knocked down once in awhile.
[/quote]
Here's how I see it. Sure a kid has to be knocked down some times. Guess what. Life will take care of that. It's not like it's hard or rare to get hurt or disappointed in life. At least a few times. So parents just watch and try to determine how much sheltering to provide, and once the kids grow up, how much scaffolding. Like most great arguments, the answer to this is for the most part, all things in moderation.</p>
<p>I can never figure out why this topic elicits such passion. It must be a proxy for some other issue. Politics? The possibility or lack thereof for unconditional love ? Unresolved parental issues about our own parenting? I confess I have no answer yet.</p>
<p>Zoosermom - I don't think you were wrong. One school that my D visited did that - talked to the student and then to the student and parent together. This was only the 2nd school my daughter had visited, and the first small LAC, and I think we both appreciated it, because it was early in the process, and neither of us really knew what was going on! It was the first "interview" she had had, and I asked a couple of questions that she didn't have the presence of mind at that point to think of. After that experience, though, she did all the interviews, talks, anything one on one, by herself.</p>
<p>I think S & I visited same lovely campus last summer. I wish I had thought faster on my feet when the admissions counselor said she'd be back later so I could join in the interview. But I didn't, and I joined them, and it was weird.</p>
<p>S decided not to apply, but I was tempted to follow up with the adcom to find out why they included the parent in the interview. I have never heard of any other school doing that. </p>
<p>If helicoptering is a general concern, why would a school invite parents to take part in something that is solely the applicant's responsibility?</p>
<p>opie
Unless you are privy to legal action, I would take with a large grain of salt rumours about the parents behavior.
even adults often overstate facts to get a bigger reaction.
I was just talking to ******* for example, a Seattle school board member about the havoc caused when not enough teachers were available for the students who registered for summer school at Franklin high school.
She told me, that the reason was- private school students were enrolled in summer school classes, and that overfilled the slots.
I knew, that private school students wouldn't want & couldn't take, public school classes, but the board member was adamant.
I was later told by the head of the summer school program for the whole district, that a couple of private school students tried to register for classes, but as they did not have valid school ID#s they could not.
So here is a case of an adult- who was being asked something she should know about, and was totally off. But she probably heard a rumor and ran with it.
I expect the same thing happened on Mercer Island regarding suing for grades.</p>
<p>Either hubby or I attend the tour-type parts of the visits to note the logistical things that will impact the entire family and which she often doesn't think of. As far as her education, she does have to ask those questions herself and digest the answers. I also don't want to be in the position of having to speak for her. At the first college she visited, she forgot to ask some very important questions and she learned from that mistake and has become very careful in asking what we call the "drop dead" questions. So there has been some growth on her part, LOL.</p>
<p>with all due respect, the incidents at mercer island sd between parents and teachers were published in both local newspapers, local television and in the education association newsletters awhile back. It was more than one person and they is why it became "news". It wasn't an idle rumour. It was happening alot within that district. Teachers were being "threatened with lawsuits" by parents during pt conferences.</p>
<p>These parents had the means to act on their threats. Mercer Island is not the Seattle school district, they don't face the same problems that Seattle schools do. However, it isn't necessarily a dream to teach there either.</p>
<p>while I have read local education reporters who apparently were reporting on different meetings than the ones for which I was present according to what they viewed as happening, I don't doubt that you did read reports of parents vs school district.
I haven't been able to find a link to any news article yet, but I would have to say, that while parents who are confident about dealing with "the system" and have the resources to take legal action, aren't above rattling cages to get something accomplished, I would also say that news reports are biased and don't tell the whole story, indeed I have noticed that often critical bits of information is left out.
Ill keep looking for the stories.</p>
<p>was this regarding students wanting to get high school credit for math classes taken outside the district at state approved private schools?
I have to tell you, if I could afford the $90 an hour to take a math class at a private school, for my daughter who has struggled with the way the district teaches math ever since she entered public school I would and I would not apologize for it.</p>
<p>No, this was a general occurance not related to one situation. It was happening at all levels of education.. elementary, jr high and hs. It played out as sort of a power struggle between some parents and teachers. Some of these parents were executives overseeing thousands of employees and could not come to grips with a 1 to 1 dialog between teacher and parent where they weren't the controller. They weren't used to not being the person with the most power in the room.</p>
<p>Opie, you lose a lot of credibility when you get your facts wrong. Bill Gates does not live on Mercer Island, Paul Allen (who is childless) does; Bill Gates lives in Medina and his kids go to private school. It is correct, however, that many wealthy people live on Mercer Island.</p>