My d19 and her friends talk about colleges a lot, and students have their college acceptances over their lockers. Some are giving her a hard time for not attending great schools that we can’t afford. While she did apply to a handful, most of her applications went to schools were where she would get the most money.
I have friends whose second children are going through the college admissions process right now. It’s been a rough cycle this year for a couple of them and I feel for them. I asked them how their children’s journeys are going out of interest and courtesy, and they answered honestly (even when it was clear it was painful), but I would have totally understood if they declined. We want all the good things for our kids who are smart and talented and wonderful people, so it’s hard to hear the rejections and maybes - maybe even harder to pass that along to others.
Maybe it depends on the school and the crowd. Mine went to a private school full of high achieving and Type A kids. Asking me on the sidelines during Senior fall about what my kid’s scores looked like didn’t seem either supportive or helpful. It seemed nosy and looking to measure against. Plus,as I mentioned, it is not my business to share scores that belong to my child and not to me. I wouldn’t even share them on CC anonymously but that’s me. But it doesn’t make me competitive just private.
ETA: More Type A than the kids were many of the parents! Their children weren’t so bad in comparison.
Keeping your info private because of privacy/modesty/not wanting to participate in the group hysteria reasons are 100% legit, and I don’t think this is what the authors of the article are getting at. They were commenting on “opportunity hoarding” where parents were not sharing knowledge that they think might help other students. I do think that is unfortunately not so uncommon. It’s not so much not telling acquaintances your kid went on a school visit, but not telling them there is an opportunity to sit in on classes or doing an interview with the AO by signing up/calling someone.
This was our experience. We all supported one another. My kids went to a competitive public high school where the majority of kids go to college. In May they post what kids will be doing post-graduation. The seniors create posters that not only show where college-bound kids will be headed, but also where non college bound kids are going (military, trade school, apprenticeships, and work). Our county even holds an Apprenticeship Signing Day, much like the ones they have for athletes. I’ve always felt if you make it a big deal, it becomes a big deal, whether that is what you intend or not.
@OHMomof2 I think this thread has missed the main point of the article and focused on one minor part. I find it rather amusing.
Folks: the point is that parents are now trying to sabotage the admission chances of their kid’s classmates. They are sending anonymous notes. Making anonymous calls. And opportunity hoarding in the name of competition. That was the point of the article.
^^^^ I think people are responding to the commentary in the thread and less about the article itself. That’s usually how these threads go, right? 
That is how it works in our HS as well.
It’s really the difference between celebrating narcissism by proxy, and seeing your kid as a prop in your perfect life, versus seeing all these kids as individual human beings, and being part of a society that cares about and for these kids. It’s the difference between seeing the people who surround you as competitors and only caring about being better than them, and seeing the people around you as friends or members of your society, all who are trying to make life better for everybody.
It truly takes a village to raise a child, which also means that every child who succeeds is sharing the success with every one of the adults who are part of the village. It also means that competing with every other parent, and having your kid compete with every other kid, cuts your kid and you off from the rest of the village.
@SwimmingDad maybe we want to focus on the positives and drown out the people that feel the need to drag others down or not share…I would shout what i have learned from the roof tops to prevent another child from feeling what me and my child did over the past year. Some of this disappointment might have been avoided…but i don’t think anyone withheld anything from me or him - it has been quite the opposite and thankfully the point of all these sideline discussions…and this forum…TO HELP… I have a rising sophomore and I am confident that our next round of these college adventures will go a little bit smoother. I have been going out of my way to reach out to other parents who will be heading into their first Senior years as well to share what I have learned. Ass holes are everywhere…our best defense against them is to ignore them. Sadly there are evil people in the world that will do anything to get ahead and they all seem to sleep at night - somehow.
At a football get together late last year, my S was answering questions about the college search. He mentioned a LAC he had interviewed for and hoped it would help him get in, as the school has a history of only taking one student a year from our HS. The school considers the interview very important.
A woman asked him if he knew anyone else applying to this college. He said yes and that he had just encouraged her to set up the interview - she didn’t realize it was considered important.
The woman was dumbfounded that he would do this. “She’s the competition “ were her words. I laughed, but nope, she wasn’t kidding. The thought never crossed my kids mind to not help out a friend. He did get an acceptance, but his friend was waitlisted.
Above the fold in the Globe.
And another one bites the dust. @SwimmingDad - thanks for sharing. In this case, it seems likely this kid would have gotten accepted on his own merits.
@Happy4u I read this really interesting article yesterday. Back when our generation was applying to schools, it you were wealthy and connected, you got into an Ivy if you were “smart” and always had backups like NESCAC schools. (I am not disparaging any schools…this was in the article.) For the current generation of wealthy, connected kids this is no longer true. And the change in the game is causing some parents to do crazy, unethical (and sometimes illegal) things. The vast majority of the parents get that the admissions game has changed and do the right things…but some do not.
I agree that this kid may have got in on his own merits. But this fear of NOT being in the RIGHT school just drives some parents insane. The current state cannot continue; it must and will change. I just don’t know what it will look like for the next (20+ years from now) generation.
@SwimmingDad - the really sad thing, is these kids will never know what they could achieve based on their own merit.
@swimmingdad thank you for the redirect. Yes, I did start this thread to discuss unethical parental moves, not supportive high schools, though of course it’s a discussion and posts will wander.
I wonder though, if we think parents have any business calling an admissions rep (or HS GC) ever, for any reason, about a child not their own (or even their own, arguably) and if so in what circumstances? Witnessing cheating (admittedly hard for a parent to do personally, I hope)? To report that Bob at dinner bragged about bribing the coach or his kid got test accommodations even though no disability?
Ever?
@OHMomof2 That is a tough one. I think if someone is bragging about it they really are brining it upon themselves. But I can honestly say I don’t know how I would handle it. That said, if I did anything I would do it through the HS. But in my town, the crazy parents rule so the school would be scared to do anything. (Our SB has now turned over…and the academic intensity is heating up even more.)
@OHMomof2 If the concern is legitimate enough to be reported, then I think the person doing the reporting should identify themselves and be able to provide the source of information they are reporting. Because I think that when an admissions office receives anonymous reports, that in itself suggests an ulterior motive. And I don’t think someone without direct, firsthand knowledge should be reporting anything.