<p>cyprus, many parents who are unsure about boarding schools have changed their minds after visiting the schools and meeting administrators and teachers.</p>
<p>Cyprus.
My older daughter is in one of US News "top 100 public high schools". Yet, she had no texts for honors biology for the first 4 weeks because of $. There are a dozen kids in all honors classes and they could not make the schedules work so they put her in a "office aid" for one period (that was changed after "discussions"). After Christmas, all the classes are for teaching for the "Tenncaps" in order to get federal money.
Go to the boarding schools and see groups of 12 studying and interacting and you will immediately want your kids there.</p>
<p>Once I visited schools with my son and saw what they had to offer I began to change my mind. My son presently goes to a great day school, so it was all the extras that the school had to offer. There are academic, athletic and exta curricular options that his present school can't provide. </p>
<p>The fact that my son found a great school with people who really "got" him made the decision easier also.</p>
<p>On a similar note...does anyone have experience with/knowledge about any of the loan programs (other than the KeyBank one)?<br>
I just saw that PrepGate is no longer doing K-12 loans.<br>
I googled and camed up with a LOT of choices, but I don't really know anything about them.</p>
<p>We have a PrepGate loan and I believe they were bought out by someone else. Let me see if I can dig up the paperwork. Usually the schools will have a preference as to who they like to deal with.</p>
<p>Since the topic of money was brought up, have any of you (parents) had issues with your kids worrying over the cost? Beyond explaining how to budget wisely and determining what a good value is, we do not often discuss financial decisions with our children. Perhaps we should. My son is the type who doesn't want anyone to to be "put upon" for his sake. </p>
<p>Do you just say, "We have decided that it is worth it and that's all there is to it." or do you go into more depth. I'm sure there are many kids who feel a little guilty about the sacrifices their parents are making for them. What can parents do to help the kids realize that it's OK and to alleviate the pressure they may impose upon themselves to live up to the monetary cost?</p>
<p>My son is aware of the cost of his education. I don't want him to feel guilty, but he does understand that since the entire family (to some degree) is impacted by spending this $$ on BS that he needs to do his best. He is also having to sacrifice. He wanted a laptop..can't afford it. He has always had top of the line, new lacrosse equipment. He'll have to make due with what he has. </p>
<p>neatoburrito - If your child is the type to stress out about the finances I would limit the discussions. Tell your son that you are paying what you can afford and he doesn't need to worry. (I tell my son that he needs a good education so he can support me in my old age - that always makes him smile.)</p>
<p>Linda-we used Keybank in the past with my older child and will use it again with my son.</p>
<p>The interest rate for your loan will be based upon your credit rating. Be sure to check your credit file to be sure it is accurate.</p>
<p>I guess my feelings is that my kids education is first before any other expense. My parents taught me that. I do understand others. This want of daughter hit my plans of an early retirement (before 65) etc. </p>
<p>A home loan is the best loan, I think, as you can take it off your taxes and I think the rates are the best.
Good luck.</p>
<p>This is from one of a series of lectures that Vladimir Nabokov gave at Wellesley in 1946, and I think it captures the sentiment of Princess'Dad, above, and answers (though perhaps not comprehensively) the question posed in the heading of this thread:</p>
<p>The more things we know the better equipped we are to understand any one thing and it is a burning pity that our lives are not long enough and not sufficiently free of annoying obstacles, to study all things with the same care and depth as the one we now devote to some favorite subject or period. And yet there is a semblance of consolation within this dismal state of affairs: in the same way as the whole universe may be completely reciprocated in the structure of an atom, . . . an intelligent and assiduous student [may] find a small replica of all knowledge in a subject he has chosen for his special research. . . . and if, upon choosing your subject, you try diligently to find out about it, if you allow yourself to be lured into the shaded lanes that lead from the main road you have chosen to the lovely and little known nooks of special knowledge, if you lovingly finger the links of the many chains that connect your subject to the past and the future and if by luck you hit upon some scrap of knowledge referring to your subject that has not yet become common knowledge, then will you know the true felicity of the great adventure of learning....</p>
<p>-- Vladimir Nabokov: The American Years, by Brian Boyd</p>
<p>I think if you can offer such a gift to your child, even if it means separation, you do what it takes to put the universe at his or her fingertips in the way Nabokov describes here. This, however, requires a "perfect storm" of parents who see what awaits their children, children who are poised to take hold and soak it all in, and educational opportunities that are discovered -- whether far away or in one's own back yard -- that can help clear the way for this amazing path of discovery. If you have the good fortune for these things to converge in your life, it's not really even a choice. It's more of a parental imperative.</p>
<p>D'yer Maker -- that's it -- you expressed my sentiments exactly, but so much better than I could hope to. It reminds me of a presentation that we were at, given by an eminent mathematician, whose words have since stayed with me. He said (paraphrased here not nearly as eloquently) that it is our duty and responsibility as parents to see that our children reach their potential, whatever that might be. To me, the opportunities afforded at BS do just that, though it really is difficult to see them leave (and getting more real every day as we move into summer).</p>
<p>Well, as of this afternoon, Year 1 is in the books and complete. </p>
<p>Moving day was grueling. What? No bellhops and porters? Elitism is nowhere to be found at boarding school on moving out day. Everyone felt the heat and humidity. Sweat beaded up on the brows of everyone, including those who merely provided oversight to the manual laborers. There was no class system as everyone was enlisted to cart heavy, awkward containers and make multiple trips to cars parked too far away from the dorms.</p>
<p>This anticlimax reached its zenith as my son described the highlights of his first year of high school. Whither Nabokov? He never said that he "lovingly fingered the links of the many chains that connect his studies to the past and future." Nor did he come right out and exclaim that he "now knows the true felicity of the great adventure of learning"</p>
<p>Perhaps I'm just tilting at windmills, but I still have that Nabokovian(?) dream for him and I still think it's within his grasp. And maybe, if I listen to him more carefully (and can get past the fact that his best friend gladly goes by the name "Toejam") I'll hear evidence that the muses are beginning their courtship of my son.</p>
<p>In all seriousness...if there's a continuum towards that ideal, I see that after one year into this, he has a long way to go. At the same time, I'm thrilled that he has come a long way too. That sort of growth is nice, but I'm glad he's back home now. More so than ever in fact as it's so much more fun and rewarding and gratifying to be with this new, improved, neater kid -- even if he hasn't yet come to "know the true felicity of the great adventure of learning."</p>
<p>Hi Everyone,</p>
<p>I've pulled back from the list for a bit because I realized it was becoming a crutch for me to address my ambivalence about D going to BS next year. It was good space - since I left I have lost my ambivalence that caused me to start this thread in the first place. I have chosen to allow optimism to run its course. I have beaten back the demons of doubt and I now embrace D's adventure. Indeed I look forward to it with excitement. </p>
<p>Some asked a few posts ago about how to share the reality of the expense with your child. In my case my daughter was my guide. After several comments from me that, in retrospect, were barbed and loaded about the cost, D told me if I was going to make her feel guilty about the expense she wasn't going to go. She was right. We told her what it cost, we told it was a sacrifice we are willing to make, that it imposes some obligations on her to take it in, and that was it. Openness prevailed and we are a stronger family for it.</p>
<p>We just had a conversation with my daughter about this very subject...she attends a jr prep day school and has of late been making comments dripping with sarcasim such as "at MYYYY schoooool, we have to..." and "I had to quit gymnastics because of myyyyy schooool" and "the teachers are so stupid....."
As we were, once again, significantly FA gapped and are trying to figure out how to make it work, those comments don't go over well.<br>
We explained we want the best for her and are willing to make sacrafices. However, she needs to be positive about it. If she thinks all that, then we need to make a decision - together - if she should return. Turns out, I beleive it was 12 year old peer pressure. No school is perfect, but I feel much better about sending in the contract now than I did a few days ago.</p>
<p>D got into 1st choice day school for middle school, and we were all really excited for a while. But the closer it gets the more reluctant she is and the more she wants to stay in her current school which in its own way is very warm and supportive, and goes on for another 3 years. she simply doesn't have a good feeling about going to 'Dream School' anymore. we talked about giving it at least a try and she understands, but she has been miserable lately and has an increasingly negative view of the new school, both its academic and social aspects. some of it has to do with leaving her old friends, but still i feel terrible, like forcing a decision on her which goes against her as a person. don't know what the right decision is at this point. have others experienced this? what would you do?</p>
<p>Do you think the decision was a wise one when she made it? Do you think the reasons behind her reluctance are equally wise? If you still think the decision to attend BS is the right course...this may be the time to make the point that she has to follow through on her original commitment. You can tell her that it's just for the one year, but she needs to think ahead in the future if she's going to have second thoughts. If you waffle or show that you're not firm, she's more likely to push harder and harder. So you should give her "no hope" that you'll back down and do yourself and her a favor because that will allow her to look ahead to next year at BS.</p>
<p>I don't think her growing ambivalence is inexplicable. I can understand how this happens and I bet it happens quite frequently. Think about it...on the one hand, your daughter has great memories, real live friends, tangible experiences, sights, sounds and smells of her current school. On the other hand, there are no memories, faceless prospective friends, and only what her imagination allows her sense from next fall at BS. Which one would you bet would win out?</p>
<p>Why shouldn't she have second thoughts? She's had this "Dream School" thing going on for months and months and nothing to show for it yet. It's all so...empty. The longer the wait goes on, the less amazing and dreamlike her "Dream School" seems. By the end of the summer, it's going to seem like such a let down. Why bother...right?</p>
<p>So, when (or if) you tell her that she's got to stick to her commitment for at least the coming year, you should encourage her to think ahead to the beginning of the second semester instead of the beginning of the school year. When she's ready to go back to campus, she'll have dormmates, new "best friends," late night snacks with her dorm parent, teachers she loves, activities she'll want to resume, a school play to audition for, experiences that she can really only share with her school friends she'll be aching to see again, etc.</p>
<p>These things still are intangibles competing against the tangible experiences she has from her current school...but it's much more daunting to imagine starting out from scratch at school. Ask her to recall all the things that attracted her to BS in general and her "Dream School" in particular. Then she only needs to insert herself into those experiences in order to understand why she should be excited instead of nonplussed.</p>
<p>So, in a nutshell, I'd tell her that you're standing firm and help her look past the orientation to mid-year.</p>
<p>Wow, that was good advice from D'yer Maker.</p>
<p>Many years ago, little sis was, along with beloved horsey, carted many hundreds of miles to her new boarding school. I stayed home to watch the farm, as both parents towed her and the whole entourage to these strange new quarters. After a week had passed, with no word, and anxious to return to my life in the city, I called a contact at the school ( no cell phones in the dark ages ) and managed to get a hold of dear mom. "Hold the horses"
( no pun intended ) said mom, " we are on our way home, sis, horsey and all!"
Well, thought I (nineteen yrs old ), this is really dumb. Little sis is running the show and worse, she is making big- fat -dumb mistake. If she comes home, she will never be as brave and confident and worldly as she can be if she just bites the bullet and goes to BS. So big sis hops on plane, arrives at school, and tells parents to hoof it. Told little sis this " I will stay here with you two weeks, no pressure, no questions, no expectations. Two weeks. If after that time you wanna go homey- fine. Period. End of story."
I stayed a week. She would not have been torn away. It changed her life. In many, many ways, all for the better.</p>
<p>Now that I have shared that, think I'll ring her up and say hello!</p>
<p>D'yer Maker, that was definitely great advice - put things in the right perspective! And Sadie2, what a great story. So true that most often the reason for staying rather than moving on is that's what we're used to and it's difficult to look beyond that. Definitely will try to get her to imagine the school half-way into the year.</p>
<p>
[quote]
There are some old threads on this topic buried in here somewhere. It all boils down to this: You will suffer, your kid will not. The sacrifice and pain is in letting your son or daughter go. You will miss out on seeing them get ready for the dance, seeing the boy come to pick up your daughter, etc.</p>
<p>BUT, your child just might have the time of their life! The opportunities that will be laid at his/her feet are likely beyond anything available to them at home.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>OP: Going to boarding school was the greatest thing that ever happened to our son, but we didn't fully appreciate it until we saw him with his friends and teachers at graduation. Boarding school allowed him to pursue his academic interests at great depth with strong peers, to explore subjects previously unconsidered, and to make lifelong friends.</p>
<p>The other day D said one of her girlfriends was pressing her to know if she was going out with boy X. D told the girlfriend it was none of her business, knowing full well that (a) in fact she's not going out with boy X and they are just friends, and (b) that saying "none of your business" would generate gossip that she and boy X are sleeping together. </p>
<p>I asked her if it bothered her that her "friends" would say such things about her. She rolled her eyes and said "what do I care? I'm not going to school with them next year. They can say whatever they want." </p>
<p>This ability to start fresh must be really liberating.</p>