Sorry @sbinaz. Peace to your husband and all of you.
1 Like
Iâm sorry. May her memory be a blessing.
2 Likes
May she and all of you be at peace @sbinaz 
1 Like
Thanks everyone. My kids are sad but ok. D24 went out this morning with some friends, which I think was good for her. D26 has retreated to some video games and DH got out of the house a bit this afternoon for some time away from all the relatives. SIL is probably headed back here to town today so we can all hang out together through the weekend. I took Cousin this morning to one of my favorite plant nurseries which MIL really likedâŠit has this amazing garden with a pond and a spring and all that, with benches you can sit on. Feels like youâre a world away from suburbia. Cousin needed some nature to recharge her batteries.
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find peace and comfort in knowing you and DH rallied to provide her with the things she asked for in her last days.
2 Likes
I am so sorry for your loss. I am touched by âmeetingâ you and your family here and seeing how much your family loved and cared for your MIL.
I feel sympathy for her; I have learned so much about human nature and family bonds from your story. These lessons will help me deal with my own relatives. How inspiring to see you all persevere in kindness and service in caring for her! Thank you for sharing.
3 Likes
My sympathies as well. What an incredibly fast decline and death. It must seem surreal. I wish your family the best as you navigate the next steps. Hope the kitties find a new home.
2 Likes
@sbinaz Condolences on your family loss. I think it is hard to process a sudden decline like that. My dad did the same thing; some younger relatives were mad that they didnât get to come see him to say goodbye. But they called. It happened too fast to plan trips.
Anyway, thank you for sharing; it helps both you and our community. Hope you feel warm energy beaming virtual hugs. It helps to know you were not alone; and your messages will help someone else feel less alone in the future.
7 Likes
My sympathies to you and your family @sbinaz .
1 Like
The drama w/AIL and UIL continue. They were going to leave last night and decided to stay until Sunday but didnât tell DH or I. And the house that MIL has lived in for the last 16 yr is actually mine and DHâsâŠand thatâs where AIL and UIL are staying. For Peteâs sake!
My DH told SIL last night that UIL said theyâre thinking of coming to our house today. I told DH that we are not turning down our AC temp for them. UIL and AIL carry on as if sheâs going to die of heat exhaustion if it isnât 68 in the house.
THIS IS ARIZONA FOR PETEâS SAKE! IF YOU DONT LIKE THE WEATHER, THEN STAY IN SAN DIEGO AND DONâT COME HERE! MY HUSBAND JUST LOST HIS MOTHER AND YOUâRE BOTH CARRYING ON AND ON TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU COULD DIE WHEN SOMEBODY LITERALLY DID JUST DIE!
Sorry for shouting.
Iâm gonna go spend some time outside in my garden before I drive there to deal with them today.
Iâm sorry for your loss. I hope the drama resolves soon and you are able to get a good break.
2 Likes
Gosh, you donât need that stress. Hope you find a way to get through the day without more trouble from the relatives. They are trying to process their own grief, probably especially tough when the death is in own generation. Too bad they canât find a way to be a comfort rather than annoyance.
2 Likes
Sorry for your loss. Hope the AIL and UIL donât take stuff with them From Your late MILâs home
2 Likes
They did not take anything without permission. We asked them if thereâs any mementos that theyâd like and they took a few small items home.
Theyâd planned on leaving today at 9 pm to drive home to CA and didnât actually get on the road until 1:45 am. This is typical of them. I stayed behind to make sure they actually left, to turn the AC back to its normal temp, and to make sure the front door got locked. 
Oh my gosh⊠you stayed til 1:45am - wow! Hmm, you may have meant 1;45pm(?) Either way I think that you are REALLY patient with the aunt/uncle who have not been easy. Best wishes as you and your husband deal with the challenges ahead.
Nope, if they were expected to leave 9pm, Iâm pretty sure it was 1:45am that was actually meant, as typed.
2 Likes
Back from my momâs. I see I posted about the bad first night. I was too tired to come back to let yâall know it got worse. We were up from 1:15 to after 4 a.m. I finally slept on the floor of her room until she slept. I woke her up at 7:30 to make it to the doctor at 9 and asked them to do a urine test. There were some white blood cells in there so they sent it for a real culture and put her on antibiotics in the meantime. She has since slept well every night and has been pleasant during the days, even if still pretty confused.
Meanwhile, my SIL has decided that she and my sister go back to the original agreement and share spending the nights. Weâll see how it goes.
2 Likes
Correct. They left at 1:45 am, not pm.
UIL & AIL behaved horribly yesterday. Theyâre lucky that any of us are still speaking to them. So totally & completely demanding. And yes, they really did plan on leaving a 9 pm, but actually left at 1:45 am. I stayed to make sure they really left and to turn down the A/C to a normal temp.
They never offered any condolences. Just talked about themselves the entire time. Got irritated w/my DH that he didnât have time over the past 6 weeks to call them all the time and give them the nitty gritty blow-by-blow details of what happened each and every day. DH only have time to provide highlights to family members. Nope, not enough for them.
Yesterday was a work day for DH, SIL, and I. We had a game plan on how to handle UIL & AIL, which pretty much included working on sorting garage stuff as long as possible since UIL & AIL acted like theyâd literally die if they were outside in the AZ heat. never mind the fact that the past 2 days have had pretty great weather here in AZ.
UIL & AIL slept in my MILâs bed in the master bedroom of MILâs house. Yeah, you read that correctly. They couldnât understand why I wouldnât want to sleep in the master bedroom on night #3 after MIL died.
On a positive note, DH, SIL & I sorted everything in the garage. Meanwhile, UIL & AIL slept in until 11 am. There was an epic phone argument the evening before when SIL yelled at UIL over UIL & AIL bringing AILâs cat w/them to MIL against DH & SILâs wishes. Then UIL claimed that MILâs cat âtried to killâ AILâs cat. 
Ghey tried to give me a bunch of excuses. I just turned on my Miss Nancy from Romper Room persona and acted in my head like the 2 of them were foolish 4 yr olds who didnât know any better.
And what do you do with a 4 yr old whoâs throwing a temper tantrum, who doesnât know any better? You donât reason with them. You give them a time out. I walked out of the room a lot yesterday.
They were originally supposed to leave on Fri evening to drive back home from AZ to CA. But because AIL âcould have died from the heat,â they decided that they absolutely had to stay until Sun night.
Did they help at all during their stay? No.
Did they help sort any of MILâs belongings? No.
Did they offer to do anything? No.
Did they complain that there was no food in the fridge to eat? Yes.
Did they demand that DH go buy them groceries? Yes.
Did they refuse to go themselves because âoh we could die of COVIDâ? Yes.
Did UIL yesterday manage to buy a candy bar INSIDE a convenience store? Yes.
Did they order us to order death certificates ASAP? Yes.
Did it matter that no offices are open on Labor Day weekend to do that? LOL, no.
Did they give sob stories about all the ways their cat could have died at the paws of MILâs cat? Yes.
Did DH, SIL, or I give a flying fart about their cat at that point? NO!
Did they apologize for bringing their cat? No. in fact, they doubled down on the entitlement.
Did they demand that DH & SIL do a 2nd memorial service in CA? Yes.
Did DH & SIL agree to that? Heck no.
Did they demand that decisions be made RIGHT NOW about what DH & SIL should do w/MILâs cremated remains? Yes.
Did DH & SIL cave to their demands? No.
Did UIL say that he & AIL wonât be going to the memorial service @ end of the month because itâs just too hot and AIL could die in the heat becauseâŠyou knowâŠitâs hot? Yes.
Did UIL then immediately demand to know if DH & SIL will be going to HIS funeral when HE dies some day, and for DH & SIL to say nice things about him, and directed them even on what to wear? Yes.
Do DH & SIL care anymore about what UIL wants? NO!
- edited to add *
The bright side of all this is that because anything over 80 degrees is sweltering and unbearable for them, this means that they wonât be coming to D24âs high school graduation next May. None of us are sad about that. We now consider our ârealâ family to be a little smaller now because of our experience with them over the past few days. We are distancing ourselves from them and will not be trying as hard with them. We wonât be contacting them ahead of time before every road trip to CA. We wonât be calling as often. And honestly, when UIL passes away, Iâm really going to have to think hard about whether I would go to his memorial service after the things heâs said to my DH and his sister this past weekend. My kids think they are drama queens and are total nut jobs. Our immediate family doesnât put up with drama queens and nut jobs just because weâre related to them. Just because weâre related to you doesnât mean that you get to treat us with such rudeness and disrespect.
UIL & AIL have become totally self-absorbed since the pandemic. They no longer have any sense of perspective anymore. Itâs all about them.
What also got me yesterday was when AIL started criticizing MILâs antique furniture which has been in MILâs family for a couple hundred years. Thereâs not a lot of it, but thereâs a few pieces that were really important to MIL and are also important to DH & SIL.
thereâs 1 piece of furniture thatâs rather large. MIL used it to hold linens. AIL snarked, âYou guys arenât going to keep THAT, are you?â Yes, DH & SIL ARE going to keep that. âWhy? Itâs so large and bulky and kind of ugly and doesnât go with anything.â Um, because itâs important to my DH and his sister (in fact, itâs coming to our house, which I am thrilled about because I love that piece of furnitureâŠand one day, 1 of MY kids will inherit that piece of furniture).
she was SO rude. Took ALL of my patience to not snark back at her or yell at her.
AIL also decided she needed to give us house renovation advice that we didnât ask for. DH & I own the house that MIL lived in. Weâre still deciding whether to fix it up and rent it out or to sell it. AIL babbled instructions and directives about stupid stuff like the recessed lighting in the kitchen, how out of date she thinks it is, blah blah blah. DH was trying to be polite, but at one point, I couldnât take it anymore and said, âThereâs plenty of time to figure that out. We havenât decided what to do yet with all of that.â She doubled down and continued with unsolicited advice on everything she thought we should update/change in the house.
AIL is THE last person Iâd seek advice from in home renovations because sheâs done it twice and has lost her shirt with itâŠspent WAY too much money and sold their 2 properties at a loss because she became obsessed with having top of the line this or thatâŠin a neighborhood that didnât warrant it. So yeah, AIL, you can talk all you want. None of us are listening to you anymore.
Keep in mind that all of this has transpired since just Friday morning, when MIL died.
In 2 weeksâ time, Iâm driving out to CA to go to Disneyland for 1 day w/SIL, her 2 kids, & a couple that we are all mutually friends withâŠthe wifeâs parents & my MIL were very close a long time ago when MIL, SIL, & DH went through some really hard times. Mutual friendâs parents live far enough away that they couldnât come here prior to MILâs death, but they were literally praying for her at the exact time that MIL died. That means a lot to DH, SIL, & I. The mutual friends are more family right now than AIL & UIL.