I hate to say it but maybe @sbinaz give him the number of a junk hauler. He may be unconsciously resisting emptying the house, who knows. If you give him a number it might expedite things. I was able to get one pretty quickly.
Sometimes we just have to bite the bullet and do what we know we shouldnāt have to do. People donāt always deal with death well (and if they always drag their feet, having to deal with something this important can cripple them). Just tell yourself over and over that this is where āfor better or for worseā kicks in. This is a temporary situation.
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My husband is just a procrastinator. He always waits until the last minute.
Thereās no underlying issue, this is who he is.
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I have. Itās been on the white board in our kitchen for weeks. I remind him on a daily basis.
His back up plan right now is, āI donāt know, if I have to, Iāll just rent a UHaul truck and load it up.ā Huhā¦ok. 
Youāll be able to move a 3-seater couch all by yourself from your momās family room to a UHaul truck and take it to the dump in the middle of the day when Iām not able to take the day off of work to go with you 90 min away to help you with this? Good luck with that.
@sbinaz hugs to both you and your DH, it is a hard time.
āGood luck with thatā ā¦ I might put that on my DH headstoneā¦
āEstate sale people are coming to the house next Monday to take a bunch of things that theyāre going to sell in their consignment store.ā - Any chance you could convince husband to just pay them to also coordinate the junk haulers? (assuming itās even a service they do)
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Oh that is so frustrating. Magical thinking certainly is common in times like these, but wow it is hard to manage. I have no good suggestions, but sending a virtual hug and box of junk food.
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thatās not a service the company offers. The estate sale company comes to the house and takes all of the stuff that they deem to be sell-able. Anything thatās chipped, broken, torn, not working are items that they wonāt take to their store to sell.
Thereās still a lot of stuff in the house thatās in that category. For example, MILās 3-seater sofa has some cat scratches on it. I know that they wonāt take it, but my DH is insistent on not taking the sofa to the dump until the estate sale people show up. sigh AAAAHH!!
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Hugs!
Some stuff that yard sale type of people might like, just put it out by the curb and have a āfree to youā sign. Get the word out if you can with neighbors. Maybe some of them have people that can use some of the cast offs. Hopefully some good weather, and word of mouth. Just lay the stuff out on unused large trash bags. Maybe a local shelter/thrift store taking drop offs of stuff. We have a very efficient Goodwill drop off near us. Better than having everything just trashed, other than true trash.
So tell SIL that the house has to be empty. Her furniture needs to be picked up this weekend when you are there. She has to respect the deadline. You cannot take any more time off and need to get it done with a lot over the weekend.
Every night do something to get you totally relaxed and getting good nights of sleep.
My experience with DH is that he emotionally does not want to deal with emotions, but they have to be dealt with.
The house will be over soon, just hang in there!
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Look for Junk Haulers or something like that. They come to the house and take away all the garbage that belongs in a dump.
@sbinaz is this a gated community?
This situation is not the same but H and I are just ending a 2+ month move - he had our attic and basement Bs garage packed full. Decision. Fatigue is real - and definitely worse when it involves the loss of a family
Member. Your H may jist need a little time between all the decisions to make what seems like one decision in action.
Itās one thing to get rid of stuff - itās another thing to make room in your mind that a person is fine.
But I also recognize that we are all different- even within a married couple. Maybe make the phone call (to a scrapper or junk hailer) and gather info - and present the info to your H. Maybe you taking the step to get the info will be enough for him to say āok, letās move forward.ā
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Iāve done some more thinking about the situation this evening. And Iāve decided that I am going to treat this situation like I would as if I were a traditional landlord and the tenant died and the dead tenantās next of kin had abandoned the stuff in the property.
In such a situation, I would not be giving so many outs and extensions. At this stage in the game, I would be taking anything and everything left and chucking it in the trash.
By choosing not to do anything, my DH and his sister ARE making a choice. And thereās a hard deadline in this case.
And everything I lay my hands on in that house on Saturday is getting hauled into a dumpster. No more negotiating. No more screwing around.
If he or his sister have an issue with that, I will tell them both to go take a long walk off a short pier.
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That was what my dad did, by deciding NOT to go through stuff when he was healthy. My sister and I had a week and a half to clear out a huge house my parents lived in for 48 years (and Momās funeral was in that period). Two years later, Dad is still annoyed at us for some of the stuff we got rid of. I donāt even respond when he says something.
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After talking with my sibs, I wrote a letter to momās doctor asking whether she could be evaluated for hospice. The nurse called right away, and she will put in paper work for someone to come out for an evaluation. She said that if mom didnāt qualify there may be other services they can offer.
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Thatās a hard thing to do. Iām glad you got quick response and hope there are some good local services available for you.
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@Colotsfo_mom why do you think seeking hospice care is a hard thing to do? It is a great way to get free services. It does not signify imminent death. People can be on hospice over years, and can go on and off.
Many hospice organizations also offer palliative care and ābridge to hospiceā type services.
Too many people think hospice is for imminent death and only use it for the last few days. My mother was on it 3 times for varying periods of time, over the course of 4 years. Her friend did not have the same services because she was triggered by the word āhospice.ā
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My fatherās dementia is causing him to make all kinds of problems. He has been making wild accusations against his caregivers and fellow residents at the nursing home. He was able to get his sisterās family riled up about his care and a nephew showed up and made a scene at the place. He will not be allowed in again. My father is talking bad about his lawyer, who is a saint and does a great job (even having his para visit my father on a regular basis). He is also telling me that the facility is declaring him incompetent (not only not true but they can not legally do that). Every time something happens (like the incident with his nephew), he says the place is punishing him for that. All very frustrating (and sad), but I donāt have any ideas on anything to do to make it better (for him or me). It is difficult when talking to him to get him calmed down when he is upset about this crazy stuff.
Medication?
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So sorry and so sad.
Sending hugs.
He is on so many medications, I hate to have them add anything else to the mix. I guess they could sedate him, but he is not physically violent, so I donāt think it warrants that.