Parent's dilemma: sit back or intervene?

<p>My S has been accepted to the schools of his choice, but has been really taking it easy senior year and had a low semester report card.</p>

<p>Now, as a parent, I'm having to fret during the last semester whether he will do what it takes or blow the entire thing. I know that there is something wrong when I'm more worried than my S, so realize we need to just let things go as they will. If he blows it, and doesn't get in, that is his choice and he will have to figure out Plan B.</p>

<p>At the same time, it's hard to let go and watch it happen. </p>

<p>Any suggestions?</p>

<p>I’m a little confused. Are his grades disappointing to you, but still reasonably respectable? Or is he being completely irresponsible and tanking his grades?</p>

<p>If the latter, how have you handled irresponsible behavior by him in the past? In our house, school was the kid’s “job” and he was expected to make appropriate effort, including in senior year. A bit of senioritis is normal; but senioritis jeopardizing college matriculation… not so much.</p>

<p>Is it possible to quietly ask your school’s guidance counselor to have a chat with him? It might scare him a little more coming from that person than from you… or if you really don’t have anything to worry about, the GC may calm your fears.</p>

<p>I think Intparent’s advice is good. I don’t see how parents can stop worrying about their kids when they do things like that. Not normal.</p>

<p>OP,
unless his grades have REALLY tanked and what once were A’s in the Fall semester are now C’s and D’s, don’t worry… My son relaxed his Spring semester and earned mostly B’s. Nothing bad happened re: his acceptances…
Senioritis happens to almost all Seniors, including the ones who have given it their all for so long.</p>

<p>I believe the school GC conversation with your son will certainly have a positive impact as GC speaks with authority and friendly as well.</p>

<p>Thanks for the insights. The grades went from As and Bs to Bs and Cs, in courses that should not be getting those grades. Nothing below a C though</p>

<p>Our GCs really don’t have any influence. There are so few in our school that it’s hard to call them GCs at all. </p>

<p>It’s just hard when you know they are capable of so much more.</p>

<p>I know it’s hard, but… Next year it will count even more,but by then, you’ll have even less control. Have a serious talk with him with this goal:</p>

<p>1) you’re not trying to make him do anything, but you want him be aware of what he is doing.
2) point out that it’s when he’s in college that his grades really matter. ( for instance, He won’t be able to apply for certain jobs if he doesn’t have a minimum gpa)
3) His grades in his freshman year will be just as important as his junior and senior year, so he can’t sit back and have senioristis in college.</p>

<p>I am presuming he’s already accepted into colege. A C won’t be awful; he’s won’t be denied admittance, but does it afffect his FA? It will most certainly affect his final gpa. Does that matter?</p>

<p>Ok, its ONLY March. Tell him you understand has has senioritis, and is tired, but he needs to put a little more “petal to the metal” and bring the C’s up to B’s. He’s hit the home stretch and just needs a BIT more effort to cross the finish line!</p>

<p>Remind him that if he is unhappy at the school he is attending in the fall, poor grades in his senior year could prevent him from transferring.</p>

<p>I hate to say this…but this might well prepare you for his time in college. You won’t even KNOW his grades unless he tells you. Many kids go to college and get lower grades than they ever got in high school. </p>

<p>At this point, I wouldn’t worry about your son. He’s doing what many seniors do…they “relax a bit” their last term. As long as his grades are not D’s and F’s it’s unlikely the schools will rescind their offers of admissions.</p>

<p>BUT one thing you do want to check…if your son received any automatic MERIT aid and his high school GPA is one of the factors, he COULD run the risk of losing that aid if his GPA drops below the threshold for the award. ALL schools ask for a final high school transcript so they WILL know his final overall GPA.</p>

<p>Watch, wait and know that it happens to all seniors. Is this your eldest? </p>

<p>I echo that it is a question of degree. My DS2 completes his work, but the at times intense effort to master a task/get an A just is not there. He’s variable right now: able to get solid grades with effort, just not pushing all the time, in every class. The issue is compounded by the atmosphere - no one is really running too fast right now. </p>

<p>I would watch for C/D/F grades, and emphasize that with next year, the effort is going to need to be seriously stepped up. </p>

<p>Senioritis: It happens.</p>

<p>A different point of view here…our school lets students know that there’s no such thing as senioritis in their opinion, and in their expectations. We, the parents of seniors, back this up.</p>

<p>The school communicates that they charge us parents the same tuition for senior ye ar, the teachers and guidance staff do the same amount of work arguably more), and that nobody should expect to ease up on their efforts. That is what Spring Break and Summer Vacation are for.</p>

<p>This is communicated clearly and succinctly early on, and there truly is no such thing as senioritis at our school. It simply wouldn’t be tolerated.</p>

<p>As far as someone’s comment that you won’t know your child’s grades in college unless he chooses to tell you, I have the same deal with my child that many of our friends have with theirs: I don’t write the checks unless I see the grades. It’s that simple.</p>

<p>Perhaps senior slacking is related to the thread on weeder classes??</p>

<p>As the school president explained at the accepted students’ day, “you don’t prepare for a marathon by walking around the block a few times a day”. Senioritis is irresponsible in my opinion… shows no respect for the teachers or for themselves. Senior classes are often the difficult classes that teach kids to think and work hard, and are often geared to prepare kids for college courses.</p>

<p>Check the college’s policy on senior grades. My younger daughter’s college looks at them in the spring and does rescind acceptances - a girl who was supposed to be in her suite was dropped because of slacking off. My kid also had to show her grades to confirm her merit award.</p>

<p>Just a thought about another angle.</p>

<p>I know the OP asked about what to do, and how the grade drop might affect college plans. But I’m wondering about the other side of the story. The grade drop could be caused by “senioritis” but sometimes changes like this indicate other issues such as drug/alcohol abuse, depression, etc. Just something to think about. If other problems are weighing on him, you’ll want to take a look at those before college.</p>

<p>It sounds like your son just has senioritis and will be fine. I do not think the drop that you described will hurt his chances. I am the type of parent that would intervene. Some on this site would probably call me a helicopter parent. If you know your son is capable of better then have him do better. He is still living at home and I think that he should abide by your rules. If your rules are no Cs in classes, then those are the rules. Just ground him or put some type of restriction on him until he brings his grades up.</p>

<p>@momofsongbird…I agree 100%!</p>

<p>Having heard from the OP that he doesn’t seem to be jeopardizing his college chances… I do still agree with Yenmor. He’s still a minor in your house (18 or not, he’s a “minor” from parenting POV while at home and in hs imho). If your family rules are that you would have intervened when he underperformed in the past, I don’t think now is the time to abandon them. </p>

<p>You can tell him that you understand about senioritis and a bit of relaxing and stressing less about grades is ok. But that you know that he is about to be on his own and as a parent you want to help him start (continue?) to set up his own structures and standards for how he will perform. You and he need to discuss what is acceptable academic effort during this last hs term (and upcoming college terms)… and then he needs to put in that effort.</p>

<p>I think it’s unreasonable to wag your finger at an 18 year old and tell them they are irresponsible. However, I do think it is being responsible to alert an 18 year old and give them warning what can happen. Dropping in one class or two from an A to a B or from a B to a C happens…all the time…during senior spring. Dropping from an A to a D or some similar drop could result in the student either being resinded or needing to take some remedial work. There is a world of difference between treating an 18 year old like a 4 year old or telling an 18 year old the world is going to swallow them whole when they know it wont. Telling an 18 year old that a former B that turned into a C is “blowing it” will likely cause an 18 year old to “tune out.” Telling an 18 year old that dropping into D or F range might cause their college acceptance to be resinded is reasonable.</p>

<p>It’s unequivocally good for parents to be engaged with their children, even in the last months of their high school when the college question is settle and everyone is tired and wants to find new directions in life. Parents need to be cognizant though, how much of the engagement is for the child’s needs, and how much of that is for the parents’ own psychological needs. I am learning to pause and ask: how much does he really need this from me?</p>

<p>You do need to impress upon your son that getting good grades doesn’t benefit you as much as it does him. He will be the one to ultimately stand up and do something/ become something based on his grades. If he wants the most control of his destiny, good grades are the best way to accomplish that. Be somewhat careful however, as his grades may drop some in college. You are placed with a lot of people about the same level of ability and it is harder to excel. He’ll figure it out some day, the problem is “what day”.</p>

<p>A story: I, too, had a bad case of senioritis; at least as far as English class went (I still maintained my other grades). It didn’t help that we were studying Shakespeare, which I didn’t care for at all. I got a “D” that quarter (after being accepted to MIT). My mother only casually mentioned it to me. However, she called my English teacher and read him the riot act, not that he deserved anything. He told her that he could have justified giving me an “F”, I had done so poorly. The teacher then read me the riot act. Well, I never worked so hard in Engilish class. Everyone else took the last quarter off because I was having to answer every question the teacher asked, etc. So, at least 29 other students were able to enjoy their last quarter of English class with a bad case of senioritis and nobody noticed.</p>