Yesterday, I asked my mom what our budget was for college. She said $0. Ridiculous, right? She even put that on the CSS Profile. Mind you, my family is upper middle class. She only wants to pay for transportation and when I try to speak to her, she says “We are not having this conversation” even though I have 3 weeks to make my decision!
She is convinced that a miracle will come through and I wont have to pay for college, DESPITE the fact that I received all my financial aid packages. She also doesn’t understand that I’m not gonna magically get $40,000 per year in need based aid. She spent the past two years hyping me up on different, EXPENSIVE colleges and now, she doesn’t want to pay for anything.
She’s completely delusional. She even tried to get me to apply for the Questbridge when we are an upper middle class family. It took a phone call from my guidance counselor and someone at QB for her to get that the program was for low income students.
And my father is complacent and let’s her continue her delusions and doesn’t encourage discussions.
It’s frustrating. Parents, please don’t do this to your kids.
I’m sorry, @CaliCash. I can understand your frustration.
Do you live in California? It turns out even good California students can get a good education, for their first year or two, at California community college. Or, if you took a gap year, do you have the stats to get a full ride at some school?
It’s not fair. It’s ridiculous. But if your parents continue with their delusions, you’ll have to figure out your plan to finance your education on your own. You can’t make $40K a year appear out of thin air.
I’ve been impressed by your spirit and maturity, and I’m so sorry that you have encountered this new obstacle. Parents often remain in denial until the bill actually arrives. It’s particularly tough if your parents have pushed you to excel with the goal of attending an elite college, only to find that they feel it’s not worth the sacrifices they will have to make. Almost every parent who fills out FAFSA/CSS reports will feel that their EFC is about $20-30k higher than it ought to be. Good luck, and keep us informed of how things turn out for you.
@"Cardinal Fang" No, I don’t live in Cali. I have a great deal of family out there however. My mom even wants my state schools to be cheaper. Even though I got the max merit scholarship, my mom wants everything to be covered, even room and board.
I’m sorry about that. When we started looking at colleges, I looked at the tuition costs and ran net price calculators to see what we would be expected to come up with. We want our oldest to be able to go to college, but we can only pay so much and have two other kids. So we knew we needed a full tuition scholarship so the remaining costs were room and board which we could afford.
Oh my…I would take her to lunch or dinner somewhere and try and have a serious conversation ASAP. Go somewhere public where she can’t be distracted or pitch a fit. If she’s a phone fiddler, take her phone away That’s how i deal with members of my family if we need a serious conversation - one on one in a public restaurant no phones.
@CaliCash, your mother obviously doesn’t believe you when you try to get her to face reality. Is there someone that she would believe? Can you get that person to talk to her? Can you get her to try to renegotiate your financial aid at one of your schools? Of course, any financial aid officer at any school will laugh in her face when she explains that with her income you are entitled to a need-based full ride, but she needs to hear that laughter from someone in a position to know.
If she is adament that she is not going to pay, then you had better look at what local opportunities you have, or take a deep breath and start looking for jobs. Start over next year, with a full knowledge that you are not going to get ANY money from home, and look for full rides only. You have the knowledge of this board and your experience having gone through this already. Also, when you let your parents know that without money from them, you cannot go anywhere. It might be the jolt and reality check they need.
What is your most affordable school? As much as you might not like to, I think you can take $5500 per year in personal loans. If she agreed to pick up the rest, you would be set. I would find out how much she is willing to pay. For example, if my son were to go to one of our state schools (U of Arizona) it would only cost us about $10,000 total, and that includes living in a dorm and having a meal plan (tuition is pretty much covered). Most parents would pay $10,000 per year, that’s a great deal really, and even if she won’t, she might agree to $4500, which would be her part of it after you took the $5500 loans. Not an ideal option, but you need to get something figured out asap! Best of luck!
Didn’t you get a good offer at U of Alabama? They gave my son a fantastic offer, so that might be an option, especially if she’s willing to pay anything.
CaliCash, has she always paid for everything else you’ve needed? If so I bet she’ll come around. The sticker shock is severe and it takes a while to come to your senses about it.
Even though you probably really do know the answers, she may need to hear from an outside adult. Your high school counselor or favorite teacher is generally a good option. You might also consider:
*Who is your frontrunner college in terms of both acceptance and reasonable FA package? Maybe call their admissions department and explain you really want to come but someone needs to talk to your mom.
*Do you have an uncle, aunt, or grandparent she would listen to? Talk to them and get some ideas even if they won’t talk to her directly.
Finally, I noticed on another thread that your mom is seriously worried about sending you to Alabama because of the racial history. I am wondering if fear is hiding behind the refusal to pay. Be careful even as you tell her that it is a new day.
While a gap year is an option, you have until May 1. I wouldn’t give up yet. Keep at it!
So sorry, Cali. Do get other adults to talk to her. What option is she most sympathetic to?
Be ready to pay as much as you can on your own. Can you swing that? Where? Any ROTC options? That was popular in the old days, not sure how viable it is anymore.
I had a similar problem with my folks years ago. We were quire comfortable financially. I applied and was accepted to selective and expensive schools. Then my folks woke to the cost and distance and fact that I was really leaving and freaked out. With them it wasn’t just the cost, it was also losing me. I had also been led to believe I could go wherever I wanted. They did pay, but I can’t say it was a happy ending as they complained for four years. My later schooling I paid for myself.
@CaliCash I’m so sorry. Can you talk to your dad? Tell him you’ll just have to decline all the offers that you’ve been given and go to a CC or not go to school. See what he says. And he encourage you to reach for these school.
That’s how i deal with members of my family if we need a serious conversation - one on one in a public restaurant no phones.