^She’s five steps ahead of us.
CRD. Calicash is trying her best to make NU happen. If it is financially feasible, fine. But it could very well be $190,000 of parent or parent cosigned loan debt at the end of the four years. I don’t think that is chump change, and I think the total costs need to be kept in mind…especially given that this mom seems to want a compromise from her initial $0 contribution statement.
I will say…if NU doesn’t work out. and UF doesn’t work out…both SUNY schools are not bad choices, although personally I would choose Stonybrook over Albany.
I would love to know what SugarBubbleTea and kiarainnyc finally chose to do. Their stories were very similar…perhaps their solutions would be helpful for the OP.
I can’t imagine the parents are going to sign on for debt over four years. Maybe they would but it’s abit out of hte realm of my understanding if they are nearing retirement why you’d take on that level of debt. Cali shouldn’t take or agree to anymore debt above the federal direct loans because the salary is going to be low for awhile in communications/jounalism and at least with the federal direct loans they can be income adjusted or even deferred additional time if there is not much of a salary. I’m not quite sure why Northwestern is still on the list - but who knows maybe the parents will capitulate.
Yes, I hope we get final updates on all the stories here. I’ll be sure to update about where my son ends up! Good luck. Cali, I really hope NU works out for you. But it sounds like you’ve got a good backup plan too. 
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Nice that the counselor thinks the final decision should be yours…if he is setting up a 529 in your name to pay for it.
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lol
What was mom’s response when the counselor said this, @calicash ? I am concerned that while in the presence of this 3rd party person, your mom may have been gracious, but that doesn’t mean that she’s going to pay.
There is something that bothers me about this whole thing. The mom seems very dramatic and irrational. That is not a good combo, even if there is some “agreement” made today, tomorrow, or next week," these types can change on a dime and later claim that they “never agreed to that,” or claim something else that will pull the rug out from under you.
Is it possible that your parents have a good amount of debt that you (or even your dad) doesn’t know about?
I would hate for the end of July to come and the first payment due and suddenly mom says, “there’s no money to pay.”
I know some folks think I’m being a bit harsh here. I want to say, I personally would have scrubbed floors to help my kids with college costs. Luckily I didn’t have to do that. And I would not have taken out $190,000 in loans of any kind.
And our family income was half of what Calicash is stating her family income is…and yes, we also had two kids in college at the same time. And yes, they both went to expensive private universities. And we live in an expensive area.
The difference is…we had a plan for paying for college costs for both kids. We had no debt except a pretty low mortgage. We were pretty much able to pay out of current earnings, using MY full salary for the seven years both kids were in college to pay college bills. DH’s earnings paid the rest of our bills.
But this plan was hatched long before college was in the mix. LONG before. We knew we needed to reduce all other debt load to make it happen…and we did.
I would love to hear the parental version of this story.
I agree @thumper1. I think kids value consistency. We set up a 529 plan when D was very young. As she got older we let her know when we were putting more in, so she could track how much was in it. Also set up a UGTM savings account specifically for college. When she began considering which colleges to apply to, I set up a spread sheet with the sticker price and NPCs listed for each. As acceptances came in we tracked whether the necessary aid materialized. I wrote out the deposit check yesterday for D’s final choice–$400 from us and $100 from D’s work money.
Cali is at a significant disadvantage because her parents seem to be all over the place on this. Even the willingness of her mom to go to the NU meeting with her may be a mixed signal that ultimately results in disappointment. I hope not, however.
Personally, I don’t find your posts harsh at all, @thumper1. A lot of us have been following Cali’s story for quite some time and are concerned that she’s dealing with an irrational parent (although, frankly, it would be nice to hear Mom’s side of the story) and thinking she can get her to suddenly become rational (as Cali defines it).
I had a mother who had a lot of mental health issues (although she was remarkably frugal and good managing her funds), and one thing I learned early on is that parents, for the most part, do the best they can, but you should no more expect to change them than you would expect to change the spots on a leopard.
I would look to see how best you can afford college on your own and then anything else Mom offers is icing on the cake. You can’t strong-arm a parent into paying for your dreams. It’s hard enough when everybody is on the same page, but the family dynamic you describe sounds like a recipe for a lot of long-term heartache. I hope I’m wrong.
If the parents are making the other sibling pay back her college debt, why would they pay $190K for Cali’s debt?
@thumper1 I don’t think you are being harsh. You’re being honest! I wish that I had that sort of guidance when I started the college process. I am very appreciative of everything that you have told me
@Mom2aphysicsgeek I would love to hear it as well!
Idk when my parents are retiring and idk what they have in savings. Hopefully a lot, but idk. Anything I say would be speculation.
Does the counselor think the financial aid appeals have a chance to make a significant difference? I’m talking $10K difference, not $2K difference.
What does “let the decision be mine” mean? No parents here think that the maximum amount the parents are willing to pay should be the child’s choice.
@mom2collegekids Well, my mom has been kind of adamant that because I chose my list of schools, she should be able to choose the school for me to go to regardless of how I would feel at that school. The counselor stressed that I would be the one there and told my mom that because I didn’t visit any of the schools on my list, it wouldn’t be fair for her to just pick any school for me. She seemed to be very understanding of that.
@"Cardinal Fang" Idk what was going through his mind. I probably should’ve asked. But he did say that he had helped students with very successful appeals.
It looks like she is effectively vetoing all of your current choices by making them unaffordable by insisting that she will contribute $0.
Is she still willing to pay the huge difference for NU if they increase their offer to 50%?
I’m worried that this Northwestern financial aid appeal is a sideshow. Nothing you’ve told us makes me believe that NU will lower their aid amount to any significant degree, and as several parents have explained, you’d be full-pay as a junior and senior.
What are the remaining schools?