@thumper1 makes some excellent points. I’ll only add that I wouldn’t pay more than the cost of a SUNY for a journalism degree. And if I could get that degree as a commuter and save on the room and board fees, I’d do that too.
@thumper1 Look, really @CaliCash is at the mercy of her parents. They seemed to have encouraged her to apply to reach school but would never discuss a budget, thinking that she would just get a free ride. The mom has finally said that they would spend $0 a year which is consistent with what they spend on the sibling. She should expect that now. I think she was hopeful they would pay for her education, thus the safety schools, but wary thus the discussion of her grandfather helping. As a kid of high earning parents who refuse to pay she has limited options.
Look, I’ve had people tell me to move to Boston, move to California, go to the military, move out and get a job, take a gap year, borrow from my parents and granddad to go to school, and wait at home for 6 years for me to become an independent and then go to college then.
I’m having a meeting with an independent counselor and my mother today. Right now, thats my best course of action and that’s progress in my eyes. That’s the only way I’m going to be able to rationalize everything I’ve been told and get real answers from my mother. The presence of a 3rd party who is informed on college that will lobby on my behalf will work wonders in my decision process.
After the meeting, I will come back and update you all so that we can have a more focused discussion 
Good luck. I hope you get some clarity today in your meeting. Make sure that in addition to making your points clear, you listen to what your parents have to say. It is easy for anyone to hear what they want to hear, rather than what the other person is actually saying. Regardless of what the outcome is, you clearly have a strong will to succeed. You can be successful wherever you go to college - even if you commute to SUNY and either transfer to a top-rated program or borrow to get a masters at a top program. If the door to the dream school closes, as it does for many students, there is another path.
So I had almost like a pre- meeting conversation with my mother. We were able to eliminate 6 schools. We spoke about finances a little bit and it seems like she is past the “$0 budget” thing. But when I asked her what we could realistically afford, she said “I’m taking things one step at a time.”
We have narrowed down my list to the following schools in this order:
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Northwestern
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UFlorida
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Stony Brook
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SUNY Albany
We will talk to the counselor and when my dad gets home later, we will get his input of course.
@Calicash, this is good news. I’m glad you’re on the path to discussions with your parents. You have what it takes to succeed in life, whatever path you take. Good luck and keep us posted!
Sounds like significant progress. I’m rooting for you!
That is great news! Now you are really getting somewhere!
It sounds like Mom is still hoping for an increase in aid from NU and/or U Florida, but even if that does not happen your last two schools, Stonybrook and Albany are affordable. So you are in good shape!
Check out the threads by Kiarainnyc and SugarBubbleTea. Their stories are the same as yours. Perhaps you will find some wisdom in the posts written to them.
I hope things went well for you today, @CaliCash.
Things did work pretty well today. The counselor kinda stressed this idea of paying it forward and letting the decision be mine. He also helped me begin organizing what we would be using in our fin aid appeal. Most of the progress however came by narrowing down my schools with my before hand. That’s something that wouldn’t have been done had we not had that meeting with him. He told me to call back after my appeal and then he will help my family sort out how we would pay for each school.
Nice that the counselor thinks the final decision should be yours…if he is setting up a 529 in your name to pay for it.
Otherwise, your parents really have to have a hand in this HUGE financial undertaking…for the next four years.
And regarding how to pay? That isn’t that hard to figure out!
- Parents can take a Parent Plus Loan for any unfunded balance.
- Parent can cosign a loan with the student for the balance.
- Parent can take a HELOC for the unfunded balance.
- parent can pay out of savings or current earnings.
- Student can get a job and contribute at least for discretionary exoenses and books.
Mix and match the above five to come up with the unfunded balance.
Did he have any suggestions if your financial aid appeal still has NU in the unaffordable range? Really, that is the advice you need. If NU becomes a truly affordable choice, you have made it clear that it is your choice.
To put it into perspective-- NU will eat up @$4000 out of your parents salary every month for 10 months, for 4 years. That is a pretty big hit if they have no savings and they are old. I hope they can do it, though! But UF was your dream school once, and you applied to the other schools b/c you were willing and happy to go to them…
CaliCash, I think you got what you need–you got your mom to sit down and talk. I think it’s a good idea to do the next session with the counselor. For sure the counselor will make it clear to your mother that if she agrees to NU, she has to agree to 4 years, and that the price will likely double after your sibling graduates.
Getting a third party to sit down with you was a good idea, and it seems to have been beneficial. I hope he/she stressed that your mother should be prepared to provide some clear, unambiguous answers to any questions that may come up at the NU fin aid meeting.
This makes me sad for you as this should be an exciting time in your life, not a stressful time. Several thoughts… First, your mom may not want to “talk” about it because, simply put, our incomes are something that usually aren’t talked about. To anyone! I personally found it uncomfortable, even as I recognized that it was necessary, when my son was first filling out his forms. However, some parents really don’t want to sacrifice in order to pay for, or contribute to, their child’s education. Some for philosophical reasons (“toughen you up”), some for selfish reasons (“I need that tropical vacation”), some due to personal issues (“I was once poor, don’t want to give away money and risk counting pennies again”). Just saying there’s a whole range of reasons that could be driving her (along with fear mentioned up thread, if she’s subconsciously trying to keep you from leaving by making it impossible). On the surface, going by what you perceive-that your parents make enough but won’t contribute-I’ll just say that you’re not alone in feeling like that’s unfair. My parents worked to put us through school (completely, but you could do that back then); once we were gone, they put a pool in the backyard, later bought a boat…I realized in hindsite what they’d done for us. I work so that my salary can put my son(s) through college. In ten ys, it’ll be party time ;). I guess my long-winded point is that you’re not wrong in feeling “set up” on thus scenario (on the surface, imho), but that there may be underlying issues. Talk to your dad and explain your concerns in a way that shows you want to understand and you want them to understand. That will show maturity, too. Good luck!
@oldmom4896 I don’t think it will double. Calicash said they are retiring in two years. I think it will go down. These are questions to ask the school.
Didn’t your mother agree to pay for NU if you got a 50% offer? Is she still willing to match NU at 50%? How close to that % are you?
Did the person you met with yesterdayshare why they think your appeal should be successful and what you could hope to gain? (Is the 50% a reasonable goal?)
What if they increase aid for one yr and it drops back down your sophomore yr? Are your parents going to make up the difference then?
What are your realistic financial safeties? Do you have a school you can afford to attend even if it is not your top choice?
I agree 100% with Thumper. This is only your choice if you can afford it. If you need your parents’ financial help, they get to have a huge say about how much they are willing to pay. If their amt limits you to the local CC or commuting to a 4 yr school, those are your options unless you can fund yourself.
Actually, the bigger question…do the parent and this college consultant understand that once the sister (or brother) graduates from college…Calicash will need to pay almost $70,000 a year to NU? Are the parents willing to do THAT for her junior and senior years in college?
I’m really impressed that in the face of all of the “speculative noise” on CC, that Calicash is mature enough to be flawlessly executing a rational plan to get her needs met with regards to her parents.
I think it’s first down and goal!