So can we put the $0 parental contribution scenario to rest now? These parents are going to pay something so that @CaliCash can go to college. The only conflict here is whether they will pay big bucks for her to go to NU or a modest amount for her to go to SUNY Albany.
Cali doesn’t know what they will do, and maybe Mom and Dad don’t even know yet what they will do. Perhaps what is really going on here is just a back-and-forth discussion/conflict between Cali and her parents over this, along with the (mostly) mistaken notion that the numbers are going to change significantly. But as has been suspected, the $0 contribution threat was empty drama, and they WILL pay.
So that’s good news for Cali! Now she just needs to see how things play out. Either way she will be at a good or a “good-enough” school.
jpinelands, really? You have full tuition scholarships to TE schools - of course your parents contributed to your education by working there, kids using the GI bill used the payment plan their parents ‘planned’ for, or someone using a 529 account used the plan their parents made for paying for their college. You get the credit for getting into those TE schools (well deserved credit), and for picking TE schools that generously give the full tuition in the exchange (many only give $34k), but please don’t think you paid for college all by yourself; your parents made a plan and you took advantage of it. I knew a family with 8 kids, and the mother worked as a counselor at the catholic school so they could get free tuition, then moved to the catholic boys high school for more tuitions, then to a University where several of her kids went for 1/2 tuition and then to law school for 1/2 price. Each knew their mother was contributing greatly to their education.
I think it is a partnership when paying for school. My kids had a budget but they worked to get to go to the schools they wanted because they cost more than the budget. They also have jobs to pay for books and spending money. I really don’t believe I owe it to my children to send them to college, but I want to pay what I can.
If the family relations are such that empty threats are common, it seems like this kind of drama that will be replayed frequently. Of course, empty threats will make the drama worse, because the various parties in each conflict will assume that the threats are empty, even if they are not always empty.
That may be, but she can’t trade her parents in for a new model. Her school options and parents are set for now and her best shot for college this year is to try to get them talking real numbers and get on board with one of those options if possible.
This is an aside, but my dad has been working crazy hours lately. I asked him why and he said “So you can go to college.” It’s a shame that working extra hard and earning more money will just reduce any aid that I get.
What’s “punished” is not having savings ahead. We had a series of job losses and went into this with limited savings. Because current earnings are levied more than savings it’s hard for people who are just now coming into their own financially. We are fortunate that our earnings are now going up year by year to stay one step ahead of the game. However - there are many other situations that are also hard like self employment. That’s were merit aid and public universities that just don’t give much need based aid can be a better deal.
As an aside, on the Madonna’s daughter issue…people here don’t realize that Madonna’s daughter got into the BFA in Musical Theater program at University of Michigan which is one of the “Ivies” of BFA in MT programs! For those applying to BFA in MT programs, they have to go where the programs are located even if academically, they may be admissible to highly selective colleges. In this case, the BFA in MT program at U of Michigan is an “Ivy” MT program. The acceptance rate to the program is something like 3%.
@ucbalumnus That’s why I think the most important thing for Cali is going away to college and living in a dorm. Dealing with this kind of family drama is draining and not conducive to her growing into an independent adult. She will be a lot happier getting some space from her folks, even though they sound like they are basically supportive of her.
I have read some pages, not all, of this thread, so sorry if I missed where someone else might have said this, but this is a textbook illustration of why the money conversation is The Talk to have before the college list is even seriously developed – before students get emotionally “committed” to particular colleges and then get set up for heartbreak or even anxiety. "This is probably the ceiling we can afford to pay, after (if any) aid. "
Sometimes circumstances do change while the list is being written or even after the offers have come in, and then new exclusions have to be implemented. (A friend of mine ruled out a visit to an OOS college which had admitted daughter after estranged husband suddenly said he wouldn’t contribute. Mom saw no point in visiting something that was suddenly not affordable.)
@gearmom yes…and by not having “the talk”, calicash needed to have a variety of options…which she did. But she also needed to understand that THE most expensive school on the list likely wasn’t going to pan out financially for her FAMILY.
She has known there were financial issues for a while (see her other threads).
Btw, I don’t mean to offend anyone, but in NY, outside the metro area, 240k puts one n the top 2 %. It has bothered me to see this bandied as “middle class.”
@lookingforward is correct. And with that income, the chances of Cali’s mom whittling colleges down to free, which is what Cali said she wants, is highly unlikely. Getting them to increase aid to an amount that “exceeds their EFC,” which she said is what both parents are hoping for, is also not likely to happen. I hope things work out for her.
Without meaning to offend the OP, I’m just very aware as a parent and counselor that sometimes perceptions of the facts differ from opposing parties. The OP’s version may be entirely accurate; OTOH, the parent’s or parents’ version of what was discussed may be somewhat different.
