I wish folks would be more supportive. @calicash seems to be handling this whole thing incredibly well. I realize that many of you are only trying to help, to keep her from further disappointment, but it’s sounding too harsh for the situation, IMHO.
I feel as though she does have a pretty realistic understanding that NU is unlikely to offer her significantly more aid. I also think she knows her mom and her family, and understands that this is the best way to let things play out.
From what she’s said, my understanding is that the sibling’s tuition situation is very different than hers due to the sibling’s poor decisions and acting out. And that Cali’s parents (at least her mom) encouraged her to shoot for expensive private schools, but had unrealistic hopes that those schools would offer more $$ than they have.
It seems to me that Cali has done a great job -given the situation and a parent who obviously isn’t as savvy about college admissions as we CC parents are- by getting her mom to “meet” with her about the options and finances, and then bringing a third party into the picture.
OK, so NU is probably a pipe dream! But maybe mom will decide it’s worth sacrificing for. And even if not, then they can move on to assess the other options. And mom will be involved in the process at that point, and see with her own eyes what the facts are. I don’t think there’s much harm in letting her (and Cali) hang onto the dream of NU until it’s obviously not an option. Some people need to see with their own eyes, not be told.
Anyway- people here do mean well, Cali… don’t let them get you down. I feel as though you are actually listening to what’s being said here and you do understand the reality, you’re not being blind and unrealistic. So hang in there. I think you’ve demonstrated remarkable poise and level-headedness throughout this discussion and I am TOTALLY rooting for you Hugs.
@jpinelands, wait, are you the student or the parent? On another thread you stated:
I really wish people would adhere to the terms of service here. This posting from more than one person under a single name is very confusing and undermines too many discussions.
But to your point (or your mother’s), it’s fine for you to choose to pay your own way for college, but as a parent, I don’t expect that for my kids. First of all, college is very expensive, and second, not every kid has the wherewithal to earn a full ride. I think it’s perfectly reasonable for Cali to expect her parents to help her to pay for her education, but she needs to be prepared if they decide they can’t or won’t.
Also, Cali did apply to some schools that offered substantial merit (like Alabama) but her mother ruled it out due to its location. Let’s not change the terms here all of a sudden. She’s got a finite time and options if she’s going to make a decision by May 1.
In fairness to the OP, the OP’s parents apparently did not clearly state the cost limits before the application list was made. The OP apparently naively believed that the parents would contribute a significant amount.
It may be obvious to many parents and others that one should have a backup plan with pessimal assumptions (i.e. when the parents do not want to say how much they will contribute, the assumption should be that they will contribute $0), but many high school seniors are too naive to realize this.
Parents: if you cannot promise to contribute more than $0, tell your kid that before s/he makes the application list. Then your kid can build a list focused on affordability instead of getting into the financial shutout situation that this thread describes.
^^^ @jpinlands Sometimes the guidance is not there. Big applause for you and your scholarships. … but I disagree with you… as a parent of good kids it IS my responsibility to give them the best leg up possible. Its called paying it forward. If I was not prepared to sacrifice for my children I would not of had them. I have no intention of furthering the student debt crisis with my kids. My nails need a long over due manicure, I would love a new car and it looks like I won’t be planting all those perennials in the the garden to impress my neighbors this year but I can’t. I am contributing to the future, for my kids and and hopefully a slew of grandkids they could possibly think about having before I die because they are not drowning in student loans.
“It is your responsibility NOT YOUR PARENTS to pay for your college education.”
@jpinelands Context would be helpful here. Is this the parent or the student offering this opinion? And did the parent submit the 28 apps or did the student?
Go to the fly in, and bring your mother. (At worst, you’ll know whether you want to go to NU for grad school and your mother will have something to boast about with her friends, at best your mother will feel that it’s worth the money they ask for, and at the very least she’ll meet with a FA officer and hear that no, they’re not going to fund your entire college “just cuz”.) That trip may be the moment you say goodbye to that dream, but don’t let go yet.
Journalism is a tough field, and you have to major/minor in another field (economics, environmental science, languages…) that can help you.
See if you can borrow money from your parents, with the notarized contract. Unless they ask you for interest, it should be better than a co-signed loan.
Go visit the SUNYs you can.
Although, if you got into Alabama and MN, I’d think about it seriously.
Try to get a job - tell your mother that college is not going to cost $0 because you’re a genius: all kids at NU are as accomplished as you are. So you need to earn money to help pay for college.
Be ready for a plan B that requires a gap year (defer NU? defer UMN? defer a SUNY?)
I would ask your parents, “Do you want me to go to college?” Honestly, your mom doesn’t sound like she is in touch with reality. I am all for budgeting and even frugality, but this makes no sense at all.
OP, before you go to the NU fly-in do you think your mom or your dad might be willing to sit down with you and make a list of where some of the first-year money might come from? Say, for example, $10K borrowed from a life ins policy, $5K request from your granddad, $2K summer 2015 earnings from you, etc.? I’m just thinking the FA meeting at NU might be more productive if you have a list of possible cash sources going in.
Thinking about it from the parents’ perspective, more of this story starts to make sense if the older sibling went to college and the parents paid for it straight up and then the sibling simply frittered it away. They refused to pay the high price tag and the sibling had to attend the CC and pay the parents back. The parents may be leery of spending so much money on something they cannot control the outcome of and have seen unappreciated in the past.
^^^I know! Just goes to show it pays to get into the uber-elites–they’re the ones with the deep pockets. Not sure NU is quite that generous, but I hope for Cali’s sake it is.
(If anybody is wondering WHY it’s so hard to get admitted to those schools, just look at all the names of famous political kids for some insight.)
I saw a list on the internet a few days ago. A lot of celebrity kids are going to Brown. What stood out was that Madonna’s daughter is going to U Michigan, her alma mater
If worst comes to worse, there’s this: http://www.tc3.edu/catalog/ap_honors_college.asp http://www.tc3.edu/student/housing.asp
NPC: http://www.tc3.edu/enroll_svc/f_npc.asp
After two years, apply to Cornell, which enrolls of a lot of NYS CC transfers and has FA for them (including some merit I believe). I don’t know whether it’ll be cheaper than SUNYs, but if you get a scholarship/grant, and are in-district, it should be. That’s plan C, if nothing else works, so that you CAN go to college and if you don’t want to take a gap year and join AmericaCorps or CityYear.
Hugs.