Parents don't want me in college?

Parents Forum
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<p>I agree with your parents. I think you’d benefit from getting your associates first and then transferring. Community college tends to have smaller classes and to be more nurturing than are four-year colleges, something that is a big asset. </p>

<p>However, if you get stellar grades this school year, maybe your parents will allow you to transfer for the 2011-12 school year.</p>

<p>It’s also harder to adjust as a second semester transfer than when one starts the school year when most new students are starting. Many people already have friends second semester, and there’s less information available to help one adjust to being at a new college.</p>

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<p>"Sure theespys69, maybe you want to advise her how to pay for it while you’re at it. "</p>

<p>Ever heard of financial aid? Just wondering. Also, she could go to a state school. And working to earn money is helpful too actually.</p>

<p>Oh and ditto what northstarmom said about transferring second semester…if it’s too late for this fall, then just do it next year in the fall (fall 2011)</p>

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<p>“so i don’t need you telling me to grow up”</p>

<p>I gave you a list of generic advice ranging from pitching in (more!) around the house to finding a professional internship so that you are challenging yourself (more!). That doesn’t mean I said you had zero maturity, it was just pointing out all the ways you can INCREASE your maturity from where ever you are at the moment. It truly is the best thing you can do with this time while you wait to transfer.</p>

<p>It would be shocking for you to believe that you are “all done” growing up and have nothing more to give to your family and nothing more to learn via ECs, or further challenges in the job or internship arena. Ditch the “I did enough why on earth do I have to do more?” and go out there and do more anyhow. That is how adults deal with setbacks in life - they do more. They don’t waste time complaining or shoot the messenger. </p>

<p>Following my advice (instead of protesting, resisting and/or dwelling on feeling misunderstood and insulted) will produce positive results both with your parents and your long term transfer goals.</p>

<p>“if you say that my parents aren’t sending me to college because of money issues, maybe they should ‘mature’ and tell me that.”</p>

<p>Money issues are not always talked about transparently in families. It isn’t about your parents’ maturity–they actually have the right to say ZERO to you about their finances and what they will or will not do with their money regarding an adult child.</p>

<p>A better way to say it is that I doubt their reluctance is based on one single factor and money ALWAYS plays a role (just a matter a degrees). It is their money, they may be somewhat risk adverse in how it gets spent but they may not tell you that. Their conversation/focus may be on “maturity” issues, but my advice is to realize that it is likely a whole constellation of issues, each playing a role even if it isn’t being discussed. It is only to YOUR ADVANTAGE to take a wider view of the situation, even if not all of it is open for discussion with your parents.</p>

<p>"and all of you are disregrading the reasons why my parents don’t me to go to a university by saying it’s because of money and nothing else.</p>

<p>I am not saying it is only or just money. It is possible that your parent’s hitch is solely about your “maturity”. Guess what? All my advice in my prior post will go a long way toward building up confidence from your parents. It may not have you transferring any quicker, but it may make the eventual transfer go a whole lot smoother.</p>

<p>Also contemplate this: your parents may not end up helping you transfer at all… so be sure to make that transfer plan stay on the playing board! At this time, it sounds as if your parents will help you transfer after finishing up at CC… that is a good thing, so do what you can to keep that part of the conversation going strong and put some effort keeping that plan in motion.</p>

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<p>

As far as I know, you can’t force your parents to cooperate financially with any old thing you want to do.</p>

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<p>

You’re mighty hot on yourself. Personally I’m not all that impressed, but I guess it’s good that you have managed to impress yourself, at least. Other people have gone through things too, believe it or not. You posted your questions on a parent board, where, presumably people have gained some wisdom by virtue of having lived longer than you have. </p>

<p>If you already know everything, why ask anyone here for advice? Maybe you want us all to tell you how impressive and magnificent you are, and how unfair your parents are, and how Harvard and Yale most certainly have sent people to camp in your yard while they plead with you to grace their institutions with your inspirational presence.</p>

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<p>Sylvan: “If you already know everything, why ask anyone here for advice?”
Did I say I know everything? Because if so I want you to quote it to me, because I honestly don’t recall stating that I know everything.
Sylvan: “and how Harvard and Yale most certainly have sent people to camp in your yard while they plead with you to grace their institutions with your inspirational presence.”
Did I say I was going to Harvard or Yale or any other ivy league? No. I don’t recall saying that either. Again, quote to me all of the ivy leagues I said I want to go to.
What really gives me a laugh is that because your on a parent forum, you must be a parent. ha. ha. ha.</p>

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<p>Another demonstration of your maturity, I presume?</p>

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<p>Sorry if you think I’m being harsh, but your posts are all over the map, and reading between the lines, I think your parents are right. Another year at the cc will probably be a good thing, and maybe put you in a better position to succeed once you transfer. I know it’s not what you want to hear. Telling your parents “people on some college board think you are being unfair” isn’t going to get you anywhere.</p>

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<p>I was just trying to get other opinions, is all.
I talked to my parents about it tonight, and they said that I can do whatever I want, but they may not be able to support me financially as much. So I did check out the website of the colleges I am interested in to find out about their scholarships, grants, loans, and work study.
I’m not sure if I can get an academic scholarship with a 2.9 GPA, but I hope to get some type of financial aid. I am also going to take out student loans and either get a work study or a job on campus(like working at the campuses cafeteria or something) or a job near the campus.
But I am going to apply for a job at my moms work on monday, and she said that there’s a good chance I’ll get the job, so hopefully I’ll have money to pay off for the spring semester with the job I’m hopefully going to get next week.</p>

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<p>Scholarships for a 2.9 are not going to be readily forthcoming, especially as part of a financial aid package from your transfer colleges. </p>

<p>Be sure to outline your <em>specific</em> stats on the Financial Aid & Scholarships board to get a good idea of what is out there and include </p>

<p>-your college GPA
-high school GPA and SAT (if transferring with less than 2 years of college)
-your family’s est EFC from FAFSA (use one of the online calculators)

  • a short list of target colleges</p>

<p>The folks on that list can give you a guestimate of what your financial aid package would likely include. As you can imagine, getting admitted to a college is only half the battle - if a student can’t meet the cash-gap after exhausting loans, scholarships, work-study, etc then they are back at square one!</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

31

<p>One important thing: Many colleges don’t allow second semester transfers. With the exception of transferring from an in-state community college to an in-state public, it usually is much harder to get financial aid if one is a transfer student. </p>

<p>It also is harder to get all of your financial need met if you’re going to a college that is not among the natipn’s top – places like Ivies. This is because most colleges aren’t as wealthy as are places like Ivies. No public schools except for University of Virginia and University of North Carolina – promise to meet 100% of students’ financial need.</p>

<p>You may find that it will not be possible to go to a 4-year college now without taking out a crippling amount of debt. It may be more cost-effective to go to community college for 2 years and then to transfer. If you get extremely high grades ( a 3.5 average or higher) in community college, you may be able to get merit aid by transferring to an in-state public university.</p>

<p>What colleges are you considering applying to? Have you checked their financial aid and whether they promise to meet 100% of students’ documented financial need? Often colleges that offer merit aid also do not promise to meet 100% of students’ financial need, and for financial aid give priority to students with stellar stats.</p>

<p>Find out whether those colleges would consider you a transfer if you go to community college for one semester. Many colleges would consider you a transfer if you have taken more than 12 hours of college credit after high school. Many colleges do not give financial aid to transfer students. That’s something else to check individually with the colleges you’re considering.</p>

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<p>Northstar, I’m not gonna get all crazy with your answer, but I didn’t pull this info of me getting financial aid and scholarships out of my ass. I did my research and looked at all of the financial aid info on the websites of the colleges I’m interested in.
And I know people that have transferred second semester and have gotten good academic, athletic, and work study experience and scholarships. One person I know got a good athletic and work study financial aid from the college he transferred to, and I’m looking into that college.
Getting financial aid isn’t impossible. Maybe in your state they do things differently. And even though I will be applying to college as a transfer because I have college credits, there’s a good chance I’m still going to be a freshman or an honorary freshman when I transfer because I have less than 24 transferable credits.</p>

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<p>Cheshire Cat,</p>

<p>your rude replies to adults who are giving you advice (on your request!) are inappropriate to say the least. I am surprised any parents on this board still have any motivation to help you.</p>

<p>(this applies to both of your threads)</p>

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<p>I agree with nngmm. If you want advice, cheshire cat, listen to it, even if you don’t agree with it, and thank the posters for taking time to offer their opinions. If you talk to your parents the way you talk to adults in the parents forum here, most of us will agree with them that the maturity needed isnt being demonstrated consistently. Take a deep breath and try not to have a knee-jerk reaction.</p>

<p>NSM is right- most schools don’t offer much in the way of merit scholarship money (if that is what you are looking for) for GPAs under a B. Being a little more respectful is going to get you farther in life.</p>

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<p>Cheshire, your remark was really rude. What NSM said was true. I’d love to see a list of colleges that treat transfer students equally in their financial aid consideration. Even some of the top schools that meet full need for their students do not include transfer students in their guarantee. I know many, many kids who got stuck at their first colleges because upon transfer efforts could not get the same amount of financial aid. And merit awards for upper classmen do not exist as plentifully as they do for incoming freshmen. Most of those available are for demonstrated excellence in a department at the school. </p>

<p>We are not trying to be obstructive or discouraging but giving you a reality check, so that you carefully check out the schools where you apply for transfer and ask about what is available for transfer students. Find out if transfers are given equal consideration for aid, if the financial and merit aid possibilities are the same. Ask what the %s are and compare them with what is reported on the College Boards and/or USNEWS data bases for the freshmen classes. I have done this and found a huge difference for a number of schools, and read that this is pretty much the case universally. The very top schools, as usual, are the most generous, and there are isolated specialty programs that may be lucrative at given schools, but for the most part, the pickings are slim for transfer students. That is something you should know.</p>

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<p>Cheshire Cat, You’ve made a very strong case for your parents side of this arguement. I hope you will be mature enough to accept what they are offering graciously.</p>

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<p>One more mom here, weighing in with the suggestion that you curb your disrespectful and rude responses to adults who are trying to help you – at your request.</p>

<p>If you were my child, at 18, with a 2-point-anything GPA at CC, and an attitude and mouth similar to what you’ve displayed here, I would show you the door and invite you to come back with requests for my financial help when you are able to a) be respectful, civil, and grateful, and b) wow me with a GPA in the 3.4-4.0 range – which, for a CC is what it would take to impress me and get me to invest in your continuing education.</p>

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<p>Yet another parent saying that the OP needs to use less rudeness when folks given advice that he/she doesn’t like, doesn’t want, or disagrees with.</p>

<p>And a whole lot of confusion on my part:</p>

<p>1) I thought the OP said he/she will have earned 24 credit hours at the CC by the end of this summer. Are those semester hours or quarter hours? 'Cause if they’re semester hours, then it seems to me that the OP could pretty easily earn that AA by May 2011. In that case, I don’t quite see the big attraction to transferring at the beginning of the Spring 2011 semester. As NSM pointed out, some four year schools don’t accept spring freshmen and/or transfers and many colleges have less FA for spring transfers. [Of course, OP may be looking at medium to large directional U’s that do typically accept spring freshmen and transfers]</p>

<p>2) What does the OP intend on doing in Fall 2010? Job? Full-time at the CC? Or what?</p>

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<p>The fact that northstar responded that I have little chance of getting any type of financial aid when I transfer, when she doesn’t even KNOW what colleges I’m looking into, was rude. All schools are different with the way they handle their financial aid. But I felt the need to stick up for myself. </p>

<p>And momofbird, I currently have a 2.4 GPA but I’m taking the time out of my summer to take a second summer session class, so by the time the class is done, I should have between a 2.8 and 2.9 GPA. I didn’t even start college yet. I’m fresh outta high school and have 21 credits total because I did my senior year at community college. So a 2.9 GPA for someone that didn’t even officially start college yet isn’t too bad. And your telling me that if I was your kid, starting college classes at 17, and only had between a 2.0 and 2.9 GPA, you’d disown me? Nice!</p>

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<p>The OP has littered College Confidential with many half-started threads and then restarted a new thread on pretty much the same topic. Right now there are 2 almost identical threads going on the Parent Forum started by the OP.</p>

<p>The OP also has several threads where all she seems to do is fight and offer insults to the people responding. She is hyper-sensitive, rude and ungrateful.</p>

<p>I am another adult telling the OP that she needs to stop being so rude and sanctimonious. Ask questions, listen, and ask more questions as needed. If OP doesn’t like the answer, ignore it or re-ask the question in a polite and inquisitive manner.</p>

<p>I too would show my adult child the front door if I got this kind of rude response to my offers of help. It is not a process of disowning, it is a process of withdrawing help until the point the adult child either A) truly figures out what to do on their own and achieves it or B) learns humility, gratitude and respect and chooses to work <em>with</em> the parents. I think the parents’ assessment of their child is spot-on.</p>

<p>"And I know people that have transferred second semester and have gotten good academic, athletic, and work study experience and scholarships. One person I know got a good athletic and work study financial aid from the college he transferred to, and I’m looking into that college. "</p>

<p>With a 2.9 (smattered with some D’s as posted in a prior thread) you likely will not get academic or athletic scholarships. Period.</p>

<p>Work Study and general Stafford Loans are offered to most anyone. Those combined will not be enough to cover what your needs will be.</p>