I’m tired of my parents. I love them and everything, but they get angry over the smallest stuff, and when they are angry, they start throwing things. They also still control who I talk to and hang out with (no boys), and don’t let me sleep in my own room! Yes, you heard that right. I am required to sleep in their room, or my mom starts acting weird (and it makes me really uncomfortable. She hints that I’m up to something in my own room whenever I even study in there.) I absolutely despise living with them, and all I want to do is stay in my own dorm. I’ve been accepted into many good colleges, a few of which require freshman to live on dorms, so I will be going to one of those. However, they want me to live in their house afterwards, and will be moving across the country (or wherever I end up) in order to do this. They are also offering to pay for all of my education. I hope this doesn’t sound too entitled; I just really hate living with my parents.
TL;DR: Controlling parents want me to live in their house during college, but are offering to pay for education
Count your blessings they your parents will fund your college education. Many students don’t have that.
I would suggest you choose a college that requires freshmen to live in the dorm. But at the same time…keep an open line if communication with your parents. Share what you are doing. Send picture, call often. Let them know they can be a part of your life even if you don’t love with them.
Then…hope for the best…maybe they won’t move.
If you are describing things accurately and not exaggerating, this sounds odd. You might confide in your guidance counselor and see if she has any advice. It is NOT normal to require a teenager to sleep in the parents room, assuming you live in a typical American house with more than one bedroom.
Worry about the present, not the future. Find a way to go to school where you dorm and even look for a freshman summer program that is away. Do your best at school make connections, and when you are done with school and have a job offer, your future is your own.
“However, they want me to live in their house afterwards, and will be moving across the country (or wherever I end up) in order to do this.”
If this means that they want to move for your second year of college, focus on places where students normally live in the dorms for all four years.
If this means that they want to move to wherever you get a job after college, then put it out of your mind for now. A lot can change in those four years.
You describe your mother as being the most controlling of the two. What is your dad like? Does he appear at all concerned about your mother’s issues with you studying alone in your room?
I agree that you need to find a college where dorm living is required the first 2 years. I would try to work a bit while in college to start putting money into a bank account for yourself to begin to support yourself. Your mother sounds a bit mentally ill but you can’t change that. Be prepared to take out loans if they wont continue to finance your education if you dont abide by all their rules.
Once you are in college, talk to your parents respectfully. Tell them you are an adult now and they have guided you well and that while you might not all the same choices they do, that you will be safe and make educated decisions because they have prepared you for adulthood.
I would talk to my Guidance Counselor about the fact that your mom makes you sleep in her room. As a teen, that is too much control on you.
Are your parents immigrants? Their behavior (making you sleep in their room, etc.) doesn’t sound typical for those who grew up in the Western/European-based culture.
That said, if they’re paying your bills, you’re sort of stuck and have to deal with their values. In your place, I would go to college as far away from home as possible. If they really do follow you, you may have to be creative in how you react. You may have to get a part time job to finance your own place to live once you move off campus, since they’re likely to refuse to pay for that. But frankly, I would take the chance that it’s a lot easier to say “we’ll move across the country to be with you” than to actually do it. These could simply be threats they won’t follow through with, once they get used to the idea you’re now in college and living away.
Go to college in the cities of New York or San Francisco, the costs of housing and the sizes of homes, along with your tuition, will rapidly disintegrate their pocketbooks.
I agree that you need to report this sleeping arrangement to your counselor.
We, as adults of adult-aged children, need our privacy. I don’t believe it is healthy for their relationship, as well as your own, to have you sleep with them. I’m no expert, so I don’t know the traditions of other cultures, that are not western nor European-based.
I wouldn’t go – I would get a job, move out and figure out some way to get my education part time or get an apprenticeship etc. Assuming you are not exaggerating this is not healthy and won’t help you be independent.
I come from an Asian culture so my experienceS and understanding is different.
It’s obvious your parents love you very, very much and are scared that you may make a mistake that can destroy your life - you may also be their only child - that is why they are overprotective. Give them back the “same amount of love and care” that they shower on you, and they will then develop a natural confidence in their beloved child and will then slowly move away from you - remember your mother carried you in her uterus for 10 months of her life - so be tolerant and loving to them and they will “definitely“ leave you alone when they receive love from you, instead of irritation and disgust - handle this situation calmly and maturely - remember, they live their child very much - love can overcome any hurdle in life - you are lucky to be loved, which means, deep inside, you have been a loving child to them and have done your duty in all ways. Simply shower abundant live on your parents who placed food on your table, gave clothes on your back and roof over your head and most of all a “safe” environment
What the OP describes does not seem typical among Asian parents either.