<p>A friend recently told me about an experience her D encountered at her college. Her D wanted to room with a friend, but the friend's parents wouldn't allow it because the roommate was not Asian. Her D is Caucasian and her friend is Pakistani. Her friend's parents are very strict. For example, they forbid her from dating. This totally shocked my friend since her D attends a very diverse university. Given that these parents are quite strict, my friend was surprised they even allowed their D to live on campus. I am not familiar with the Pakistani culture, but perhaps this is customary. I would appreciate any thoughts or insight into this issue.</p>
<p>The parents may prefer that their child have a roommate from the same cultural/religious background. I can think of plenty of other parents who would feel that way - in fact many parents send their kids to colleges comprised almost entirely of the “right kind” of students.</p>
<p>While this situation is sad for the daughter and her pal, it needn’t destroy their relationship. Perhaps if the parents get to know her better, the housing arrangement will be acceptable in another year.</p>
<p>What kind of insight are you looking for? The parents do not want their daughter to room with anyone who is not Asian, even if you have the insight, what would it matter? It would be like saying someone is a religious Jew and would only eat Kosher food, now you know, but how would you change that? It is what it is. The best thing for this young lady to do is to get a single if her parents are that strict.</p>
<p>It goes far beyond cultural preferences and into legal/religious mandates. It sounds as if the roomate might be muslim is so, Sharia is the law of the land. Legally, the daughter is bound to the father’s will. (BTW, I don’t agree with it- I’m just sayin)</p>
<p>Could be that the Pakistani parent is familiar with the stereotypes of white-American kids going to college to party. Perhaps they want a roomate for their daughter who has tiger parents who raised a tiger kid who will spend all of her time in the library and lab, skipping all the parties. Good luck with that.</p>
<p>Perhaps the father is a control freak, who who relies on antiquated beliefs to control his daughter? BTW notice how the believe system is a convenient one. The Father wants an American education, and an American job at graduation but not an American, free minded roomate, for his daughter.</p>
<p>Pakistani parents are not considered tiger parents. </p>
<p>If they dont want their daughter dating, they might be muslim. This usually means they have strict rules against coming in contact with boys.</p>
<p>They probably prefer someone who may not bring boys back to the room.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>no. I know this wasn’t an intentional mistake, but as a Muslim, I would have to say this statement isn’t completely accurate. all Muslims have to follow Sharia, but it’s widely mispercieved. children do have to listen to their parents (unless they’re told to do something morally wrong), but saying the “daughter is bound to the father’s will” makes it sound more like slavery. not to mention, it also makes it sound like the sexes matter in the scenario.</p>
<p>anyways, yes, Eastern culture in general is usually stricter about these things. parents usually want their children around people of the same background to preserve culture and whatnot. premaritial relationships are commonly discouraged too.</p>
<p>Sosomenza - there are plenty of non-white American college students who are free minded.</p>
<p>I think what OP heard may have gotten altered a bit, in the telling.</p>
<p>People often fear what they do not know, but racism and prejudice come in all shapes and flavor. And they rarely fail to correlate with the lack of respect of basic human rights.</p>
<p>No shortage of Pakistani (and Bangladeshi) tiger parents of kids at my daughter’s high school.</p>
<p>Is it even legal for the college to agree to place a roommate by race?</p>
<p>I don’t think that this is a prejudice issue. it sounds more about keeping some cultural influences.</p>
<p>and, honestly, it’s normally easier to live with someone with similar views as you. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t explore new things, but living with someone is a whole different story</p>
<p>The daughter is forbidden from dating because she is probably Muslim. What is so wrong with that? Plenty of people do not believe in premarital relations, including many Christians I know. Perhaps its not just that the girl is Caucasian; maybe she has a bf or dates a lot or something, and the parents are worried that she will influence their daughter.</p>
<p>Sent from my SGH-T589 using CC</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This is not what the parents are asking for. They are not trying to overrule the college’s choice of a random roommate. They are forbidding their child from making arrangements to room with a friend.</p>
<p>Oldmom, I was wondering the same thing. Ds’s college assigns roommates. I wonder what would happen if a parent came in after the fact asking the college to make a switch.</p>
<p>It sounds as though the students in this instance are upperclassmen.</p>
<p>Most college allow upperclassmen to choose their own roommates. They only assign roommates to those who haven’t made their own arrangements.</p>
<br>
<br>
<p>Yep, yep, for sure. Just reverse the ethnicity of the players in the example, and it would become all about racism, prejudice, and the most liberally tossed around expression on CC when the cherry tree blossom. That ubiquitous claim of discrimination.</p>
<p>I sense a lot of bashing to the minority family, darn near pegging them as unenlightened, oppressive fanatics. They have every right to request their child’s roommate be of their belief system/culture. Ugh. And to assume the American is “free minded.” Kidding.</p>
<p>Or, it could be a very typical scenario we’ve all encountered:
- Kid doesn’t want to do something with a friend.
- Kid doesn’t want to hurt friend’s feelings – or damage their relationship.
- Kid blames mom and dad.</p>