Parents forcing me to stay in NYC for college - NEED HELP!

Parents Forum
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<p>In many cultures, religious beliefs and related lifestyles are not petty reasons. We try to ensure women’s safety and some ability to support themselves- while respecting their traditions.</p>

<p>You want the freedoms many kids do. You may need to respect the context, your needs for support and the growth you will experience over the next five years- and plan accordingly.</p>

<p>That may mean getting the education you can, and then moving forward. Not burning bridges, assuming it is the wisest choice.</p>

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<p>Enough already. Grow up. Your parents have told you what their restrictions are. If you don’t agree, then come up with a plan that will permit you to do something different, without their support. You can’t just “figure that out” later.</p>

<p>Your parents are clearly motivated by strong religious beliefs and cultural values. It is not the place of your guidance counselor (or any other adult) to try and talk them out of this. If you disagree with these values, then leave . . . just be prepared to assume full financial responsibility for yourself.</p>

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<p>…you just said they can’t afford to pay anyways.</p>

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<p>…why not?</p>

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<p>Corey, really? What would you expect the guidance counselor to do? Go to the parents and say, “Your religion is stupid - stop trying to impose it on your daughter”?</p>

<p>So long as they’re not hurting anybody, their belief system is their own business. (And, no, restricting their daughter’s choice of colleges is not “hurting” her.)</p>

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<p>If you are muslim, is your family involved in a mosque? Is there another family with a daughter who has gone off to college or religious leader there who is open about the subject. Those would be the type of people to elicit advice from on talking to your father about loosening the reins.</p>

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<p>dodgersmom, have you ever lived in a religiously oppressive environment? I’ve been living in one for the last couple of years, and the constant sexism and bigotry does hurt, having family members relish describing how disbelievers will burn in hell does hurt, and not being able to live your life in any way you want does hurt. To say otherwise is just ignorant.</p>

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<p>It is not a fate worse than death to have to stay in NYC in order to attend college. In fact as a NYC resident, I think you are pretty lucky. You have CUNY, which is the 3rd largest public university system in the country. As Jonri mentioned, you have Mccauley honors program and sophie davis. Many of the CUNY campuses are now getting dorms. If money is going to be an issue, CUNY is going to be an affordable option ranging from CUNY ASAP at the community college, if pell eligible you can attend free (as the program covers tuition not covered by financial aid, books and metro card) to McCauley Honors, if admitted would also be a free program to your family.</p>

<p>You have FIT at the SUNY level (in the city, commutable but they also have dorms). Tuition is ~ 5k.</p>

<p>At the private level you have Columbia, Barnard, Pace, Fordham, St Johns, New School, Manhattan College, NYU and a host of other schools.</p>

<p>If these are the parameters you are given, you must learn to make lemonade out of lemons.</p>

<p>If your parents are low income, start by doing your due diligence to see if you fall into the parameters for CD/SEEK/ EOP and HEOP. </p>

<p>Look at options where you can go “away” but still commutable distance to come home on the weekend; Stony Brook, New Paltz (SUNY)</p>

<p>See if you are a viable candidate for the Chase Smart start program</p>

<p><a href=“https://www.jpmorgan.com/cm/ContentServer?pagename=Chase/Href&urlname=smartstart[/url]”>https://www.jpmorgan.com/cm/ContentServer?pagename=Chase/Href&urlname=smartstart&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Their unwillingness for you to leave could be masking the affordability issue, especially if they cannot borrow money.</p>

<p>Were you nominated as a Posse candidate by your school</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.possefoundation.org/our-university-partners/participating-schools/[/url]”>http://www.possefoundation.org/our-university-partners/participating-schools/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Have you considered applying through questbridge</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.questbridge.org/[/url]”>http://www.questbridge.org/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>You have to come up with a plan and be willing to work your plan.</p>

<p>BTW, you cannot become an emancipated minor in NY</p>

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<p>OP, you’ve gotten some good suggestions among the responses to your plea. If your parents are affiliated with a mosque or other religious or cultural community, perhaps there are adults who went away to college and/or have sent their daughters to college away from home. And I am sure that virtually all the colleges you would like to attend have organizations of students from your cultural and religious background. Perhaps you could contact some of them and see if they have any suggestions for you and/or if they are willing to communicate with your parents. Perhaps they know professors or administrators at their schools who might be willing to help.</p>

<p>What probably won’t help your cause is to let your anger and frustration get the best of you. You have several months to work on this and you need to think strategically. As poor immigrants, your parents may not understand what they would be allowing you to do if they sent you away to college. As the old saying goes, you attract many more flies with honey than with vinegar. If you can solicit the help of people your parents will be inclined to listen to (including guidance counselors and others at your high school who won’t tell your parents what to do but may be able to help them understand better), you may be able to get through to them. (To your older brother too.)</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>One strategy to consider that several older HS classmates with similar type parents have done is to go to the CUNY colleges for 2 years, get topflight grades, work part-time/summers to save up, and then transfer to finish the last two years at a more desirable college in or out of NYC. </p>

<p>Granted, they are all NYC SHS alums and most of them have skills in computers or technology which enabled them to get high paying part-time gigs, were willing to sacrifice on personal creature comforts/goodies, good at keeping their plans close to their chest while biding their time, and independent/confident enough to implement their desired plan at the appropriate time.</p>

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<p>Lots of great suggestions Sybbie.</p>

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<p>OP, you just got golden advice handed to you by Sybbie. More than I knew existed. Next step is yours. Make it a wise move, not all emotions.</p>

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<p>In addition, I would recommend contacting your school’s college now partner school to see if you can still enroll for classes for the fall and spring terms. The courses and books are free and you would have the opportunity to start college with 12 credits (if you take 2 classes each term)</p>

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We don’t know the OP’s environment. I don’t know about your situation, but religious families don’t tend to talk about disbelief and sin 24/7 or relish descriptions of Hell. They may talk about Hell and disbelievers (even with a straight face), but that doesn’t mean they get some sort of sadistic enjoyment our of it. I think liberals sometimes misunderstand a lot of conservative talk. Describing Helllfire isn’t a matter of joy, but a matter of gaining knowledge for a lot of religious folk.</p>

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“In any way you want”? Parents will always place restrictions on their children, often for good reason- it’s practically their job.</p>

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This advice could apply to the OP if she isn’t Muslim as well.</p>

<p>I fully agree with post #21.</p>

<p>OP, this is just my humble opinion, but I wouldn’t cause a rift between you and your parents over this. NYC has some great options for colleges, and you can still be a part of the community if you commute. Just get involved! Go to classes, but also join clubs, hang out with friends, study on campus. Living at home doesn’t mean that you’ll lose out on anything.</p>

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<p>So it isn’t that they are forcing you to stay in New York, specifically. It is that they want you to commute for financial reasons? You are only 17 now? You will grow and mature a lot in the coming year. Things could change. I think you need to show them how mature you are, and how this University that you have chosen fits you best (assuming you get it). </p>

<p>Your parents are NOT obligated to provide you with their tax forms, now or until you are 21. They are not obligated to pay for your college, though most parents try, if they can. They can’t prevent you from sending a deposit to the college of your choice. They do not have to pay for it, however. </p>

<p>No, you can’t simply declare yourself emancipated, not even if you move out and start paying your own way. You are required to cough up their financial information to get any aid, merit or financial (a position I find ridiculous, having been a student living completely on my own and supporting myself much earlier than 24). That’s just the way it is now. Maybe you could earn a scholarship from another source.</p>

<p>If your income is really low, as you suggest, apply to the Ivies too, if you have the stats. If you get it, it will be free or almost free for you. </p>

<p>This “controlling you” thing - is that real, or just your perception? I don’t know a teen in existence who wouldn’t say that his parents are “all up in his business”. That’s just how they perceive things.</p>

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<p>Please pay attention to everything that sybbie719 has written. sybbie719 is one of the NYC area experts here at CC (if not THE expert).</p>

<p>It looks like your parents have serious money issues, so pay attention to that. As religious muslims, they probably aren’t going to be willing to borrow conventional loans, and won’t want you to borrow conventional student loans for your education. That means that you need to find places where all of your aid will be in the form of scholarships, need-based grants, and work-study. Most places will expect you to take out student loans, so unless you can find a lender that practices Islamic lending, and will give you the same amount in loans, your options will be more limited than for a non-muslim student.</p>

<p>In other words, it looks to me like you need a very nearly free ride. Which means you’d best spend some serious time in the Financial Aid Forum to get a handle on your options.</p>

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<p>Or live at home, go to a local school, find the aid that makes it affordable, knock it out of the park- and at 22, establish yourself in the life you wish. Done right, at that point, you have the platform to move forward, greater chances of success.</p>

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<p>Thank you so much for understanding my emotional obstacles in this situation. It’s hard for me to express how deeply this is affecting me. It’s nice to know there are people out there like yourself who have had experience in dealing with the pain of oppression.</p>

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<p>Another option for more immediate emancipation…albeit one with some serious risk is to join the armed forces at 18 and serve out an enlistment so one gets an honorable discharge. </p>

<p>Joining the military is one way to be “emancipated” for the purposes of financial aid before 24. Several military folks I knew experienced upon going back to college before 24 and not having to ask their parents for financial info as only theirs is required. This also applies to FSA cadets who transfer/leave their respective SAs.</p>

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<p>NJIT is a short commute from NYC, has a good biomedical engineering department, and has merit aid available. They also have a very large Muslim population on campus. If you qualify for honors college, you may get a room and board scholarship, along with whatever other merit scholarships you get. [NJIT:</a> Biomedical Engineering: B.S. In Biomedical Engineering](<a href=“http://biomedical.njit.edu/academics/undergraduate/index.php]NJIT:”>http://biomedical.njit.edu/academics/undergraduate/index.php)</p>

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<p>^I agree with joining the military- not a bad option. You could also apply to a service academy ([U.S&lt;/a&gt;. Service Academies - College Confidential](<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/u-s-service-academies/]U.S”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/u-s-service-academies/)). I’m not so knowledgeable about how they work tuition and post-graduation wise though, maybe someone else is?</p>