@ucbalumnus
Your point regarding Biology major is correct. Unless it is pursued with some specific terminal degree in mind such as pharmacy, medicine, veterinary medicine, biomedical engineering, prosthetics etc. in itself Biology is certainly not much more employable than art history, which is unfortunate.
I was trying to make a point in the context of OP’s situation, as he is being urged to pursue medicine.
" ... is the day my father is out of my life forever, be it death or some other reason."
[/QUOTE]
Wow. That crossed the line, in my book.
Good luck to you!
There are lots of health sciences professions that do not require medical school. Your four years in college is when you get to decide what you want to do with your life. High school Biology class may not be that related to quite a few health sciences professions. Physical therapy, occupational therapy, and nursing are all good options today. Look at public health if you like statistics. Think about your own strengths over time, and don’t over focus on careers until you have a year of college, at least. Some colleges will be more focused on careers than others, and maybe you want to think about what sort of college you want. Do you want a school that offers business or engineering , for instance?
Data Science and business analytics are other well paying careers.
. Try to avoid talking “careers” with your dad, and find something you both enjoy to do together.
If you have not watched The Big Sick, the movie, watch that today. Its about a boy who is struggling and even lying to his parents about wanting to go to law school. He ends up becoming a stand up comedian. Its an excellent look at Pakistani parents and children, who were born in the USA and how they struggle but love each other a lot.
It might be great, if you think your Dad can handle it, to watch The Big Sick together. Watch it alone first though.
Pushing someone down a path where the vast majority get weeded out does not look like a formula for success if the person being pushed does not have his/her own interest in that path. The pre-med path is elite-or-bust, so only the strongest and most interested students succeed in getting into a medical school – and their reward is often the chance to accumulate $300,000+ in debt that can become a burden for decades, restricting career and life choices, even at physician pay levels.
I don’t think children are ever the equals of their parents, they are always children in our eyes, but some parents adjust better to adult child relationships than others. Part of this may be you are justifiably scared about what to do with your life. It is very scary to make big decisions about life. Do you have a sibling? Sometimes it works to deflect the parent onto the sibling to get a break from the intensity of the senior year of high school.
Right. And wandering aimlessly in random directions, not knowing what to do is also NOT the best formula for success.
I personally know a few doctors who perhaps were urged into the profession by their parents. They are thriving in their profession. And making a supremely comfortable living has apparently compensated for whatever they “missed”. They miss no chance to thank their parents now, to have urged them to pursue this profession.
“Parents of CC, do you think you strike fear into your children in order to get them to listen to you? We’re you equals when your children were finishing high school?”
There’s a middle ground between striking fear and being totally equal. I’ve tried to see myself as going from being ‘the boss’ when they were little to being more of a trusted advisor or consultant now. It is true that my dh and I have final decision-making authority over the finances still at this point, but our goal is to raise independent, productive, mentally healthy adults.
My own parents were very uninterested in money as a reason to choose a particular career path. They let my sister and I choose our majors… mine was more useful (physics), hers less so (Russian), and she somewhat regrets not having more earning power now as a single mom. I’ve tried to tread the line between encouraging my kids to choose something they enjoy but to be mindful of the tradeoffs involved as far as income vs other factors.
Do you have a sense of what you would pursue if money and your dad’s approval weren’t in the mix? Would you want to do something much more risky, income-wise, like acting or fine arts? Or do you want to do something like computer science or applied math that might still placate your dad as far as having a solid earning potential?
Of course, that is a selected sample of people who successfully passed the pre-med weed-out. You may be ignoring many others who were urged or forced into pre-med but got weeded out.
Of course, that is a selected sample of people who successfully passed the pre-med weed-out. You may be ignoring many others who were urged or forced into pre-med but got weeded out.
[/QUOTE]
True. I am certainly ignoring the ones who got weeded out.
By that token, no one would embark on any journey because many others could not make it.
If OP has a passion - he should most definitely pursue it. Absolutely.
Absent that, at least take a step toward this direction.
It’s better than having no direction.
In reading your posting history, you and your dad have a somewhat fraught relationship. Odds are that he cares for you or at the very least doesn’t want the worst for you bUT I am not convinced that the 2 of you will really work this out in a way that feels good for both of you. At least not in the near term. Some people just are difficult!
You will need to be mature and pick your battles carefully. Even if you are pre-med, you can take classes that aren’t bio or chem. Definitely stay alert to what you are loving - it’ll be easier for him to reject your no to medicine than yes to something else. And it may help to flatter him - “you are so good at what you do because you love it and I know you want me to love it too, but for me to succeed and throw myself into my work like you do, I need…” Pick your times for these conversations carefully as well.
You will need to find a way that works for you, but you will have to negotiate a tricky landscape as well.
An elite-or-bust path is not a good choice for a default, backup, or safety plan. The OP still needs to consider majors and career paths that are more realistic default, backup, or safety plans, because pre-med has a low chance of success, and probably even lower if the OP does not have any passion for medicine (part of the weeding-out process is assuring that the pre-med has such passion, as exhibited by the extensive pre-med extracurricular commitment).
Many of the MD wannabes I went to school with ended up a drug dealers – i.e.; pharmaceutical sales. 
@AsadFarooqui IMO you should start planning your out. Keep you options open, and start figuring how you will eventually cut the cord from Dad. First year of school is gen ed anyway. But go somewhere affordable, so that you would be able to take the hard road traveled – working, schooling, and living independently. You’ll eventually get there but you’ll need to break free.
Or you can lie your butt off. Schools generally don’t let parents in on squat until their kid gives them third party access. So major in business or something, and nod with a smile as you tell him how well you’re doing in organic chem. Not sure I would recommend this one.
@AsadFarooqui - I never had the confrontation with my dad the way you just had with yours, but I was in a similar situation throughout high school and college. And my dad wasn’t even an immigrant. He grew up in a fairly poor blue collar family and just had this vision that being a doctor was the most prestigious career out there and pushed me to do it. I did go through college and get accepted to med school, and during my first year I almost flunked out. There were multiple reasons for this, one of which was that I had finally reached my breaking point and had to cut the strings of control. Then I had to decide if I really wanted to continue in med school or try something else. I can still remember the conversation (one-sided) we had driving down the road when he told me that if I dropped out he would still love me but they (my parents) would not support me in anything else. Since then I’ve thankfully been able to still love my dad but also keep him at a “safe distance” emotionally. I did decide to stay in school, and have been happy with my decision overall, although there are times when I still wonder “what if.” When I retired from practicing medicine in order to stay home with my kids he wasn’t happy but he knew not to push it.
Although it’s definitely traumatic, I think it’s better for you to have opened this issue now. It will be painful, but stand your ground, WITH respect and honor. A mediator is also a good idea as others have mentioned. Just make sure it’s someone who your father will also respect - like another doctor.
Those stories are so sad. I have busted my arse so the kid could do whatever he wanted and still live comfortably. He could be a math teacher, engineer, business guy or fishing guide. Doesn’t matter he would still live comfortably.
Parents sometimes need to be educated on the options out there, especially if from another culture. The hard part is that children can rarely educate their parents. That role reversal is not comfortable for anyone. So a counselor/mediator/third party is needed. Hope this can turn around…
@AsadFarooqui , your vasovagal episode could be a sign of anxiety disorder. At the very least, you should get some counseling.
Your dad sounds like a bit of a drama king, but I imagine he will calm down in a day or two. He does have your best interest at heart, even though he does not agree with your choice of a different career.
The important thing to keep in mind is that he would never trash the house or move away just because you don’t want to be a doctor. That wouldn’t be in his best interest either! In his heart, he must know that your going to college and getting a degree in something is better than not getting a degree at all simply because you do not want to study medicine.
There are parents who act this way and there is no way to appease them. I know this because my dad is one of them. Its their way and only their way. You will know if he is one of those. If he is its best to play the game for now to go to college unless you want to pay the bill and I would not advise that.
@AsadFarooqui, if you don’t know what you’d like to major in, what kind of classes do you enjoy most and/or find the easiest for you to do well in? Do you tend to like writing/reading/arts/communications, social sciences, math, or other sciences besides biology? Do you think you’d like business courses? Identifying this could give you a start, to know a direction you’d like to take.
This situation is very hard. I generally vote for absolute honesty in any important relationship, but in your situation I think it may be wisest to sidestep and gain some flexibility for the future without confronting your father head-on. Wait to do this when you are older, have a degree and a way to be self-supporting. To me the ideal (if possible) would be to double-major in biology and whatever else you like, but I know that can be difficult, especially if your other major is very different or something like engineering. Or you could “attempt” a double major and end up graduating with a minor in biology. Or somehow convince you dad to let you major in something else with pre-med pre-requisites. A Canadian friend who went to med school in Canada said his school actually had a preference for well-rounded students with a variety of degree backgrounds…don’t know if this is generally true in the U.S. but I don’t think other majors are a hindrance.)
Unless you can support yourself, directly going against or trying to change the mind of your very controlling father at this point could be very counter-productive…whether he thinks he has your best interests at heart, whether he is a little abusive, or whether it’s a cross-cultural thing…unless you are prepared to get a full ride somewhere like Alabama and be completely self supporting (and maybe have to cut off completely from family) I think you should bide your time. Do a little what he wants, and a little (or a lot) of what you want. And remember this: even if you do major in biology, you can still change course and get an MBA or some other professional/graduate degree, or get training to become an electrician or plumber. But you will have a degree, and some skills and maturity under your belt. It will be much easier to go your own way at 22 than at 18. Don’t compromise your emotional health worrying too much about it now. Work hard, do well, but know that he can’t force you to go to medical school, and you CAN find a way to the life you want.
Pre-meds don’t need to major in biology, though many do so as matter of convenience. Both my daughters are now doctors; neither majored in biology. Their classmates had majors ranging from agriculture/forestry to business to computer engineering/science to English Lit to music theory to psychology to physics to theology to women’s studies and just about everything in-between.
If you want, you can show your dad some data from AAMC that shows the majors which have the highest rates of med school acceptances aren’t biology, but rather humanities and mathematics. In fact, biology majors have the second lowest acceptance rate; only specialized health science majors fare worse than bio majors in med school admissions.
See: https://www.aamc.org/download/321496/data/factstablea17.pdf
Would your dad be willing to compromise and let you major in a field that’s of interest to you if you take med school pre-reqs? Pre-reqs are about 9 classes or the equivalent of minor.
I personally would not want to have a confrontation with my parent over a major choice, but after a cooling off period, maybe you can have a more reasoned discussion with him. Show him the data and see what his response is.
If you don’t want to go to med school, you don’t have to. Even if your dad “forces” you to apply, there are so many applicants to med school, it’s easy to mess up your application just enough that you won’t get an interview. And even if you do get an interview, one adcomm on another site has spoken frequently about how every year they interview at least one student who says, “I really don’t want to be a doctor; this is my family’s idea.” For these applicants, med schools are more than happy to give them a polite rejection.
Calculate the cost of 8-11 years of college and ask your father how he plans to pay for that. Make sure your spreadsheet is very detailed and covers not just tuition but room & board, books, registration and lab fees, etc. Tell him you don’t want to commit to this course of study if he can’t follow through on his support of you. It’s a little arrogant, but seeing it in writing may force him to rethink things. You can propose a field of study that he thinks will leave the door to med school open, but you know can be used to successfully and comfortably go in your own direction.