<p>Sounds to me like Jae and her parents had a problematic relationship long before this college choice issue arose. Either that, or Jae is pretty self-absorbed.</p>
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Pause. Allow me to tell my mother this. </p>
<p>That statement is complete and utter bullshift. </p>
<p>I think it is tough for some CA kids to understand when their parents canât/wonât pay for a 4-year away UC when they see fellow low income students get to do that for free under the UCsâ generous FA policies. Presumably, they have equal stats (or maybe even better, because UCs give preference to low-income applicants). </p>
<p>The only inter-generational grudge I have held was against my MIL who announced to me unprompted, that she âdoes not babysit,â just after my first was born. When she became bedridden in her 80s and needed to be âbabysat,â I left that to her own children.</p>
<p>Perhaps there is an invisible reason the parents wonât pay, a factor FAFSA refuses to consider. Iâll give you an example. Perhaps the OP has a sibling with a disability for whom they are paying for services, education, intervention out of pocket and they are not able to afford both supporting the child with the disability and paying for the college of another child. </p>
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<p>LOL!! You obviously have a 100% different worldview on life than we do. If that is how you want to live your life, that is your choice. But to suggest that those who have different priorities on what constitutes parental responsibilities and make vastly different choices are living a lifestyle beyond their means is beyond insulting.</p>
<p>FWIW, we do have some very talented children who are completely able to to achieve their own goals on their own merit. However we are also the parents of a disabled adult child who at 22 has no possible means of being independent at this point. </p>
<p>I am absolutely 100% sure that my younger children would definitely opt to exist if it came down to choice between less college and not existing. The argument is the most lame I have ever heard. Our most recent college graduate is #4. Our disabled adult is #2. (by conventional wisdom, we should have stopped there.) I am sure attending UA and existing is far preferable to non-existence and an older sibling attending a top school. And by all visible evidence, our youngest is by far the most intelligent of all our kids. The world will one day benefit from her abilities, I have no doubt.</p>
<p>FWIW, I just told my room full of kids about this post (ages 18,16,12, and 9 that are sitting waiting for me to stop typing so we can play a game) and they all said, tell her she has no idea what she is talking about and that is absurd.</p>
<p>There is zero resentment from our kids for our lifestyle. Not everyone has the view that going away to a dream school is the highlight of their life.</p>
<p>oops, that should be high school graduate, not college grad. :)</p>
<p>A close high school best friend desperately wanted to go to UCB, but her parents wanted her to commute to UCI. (many parents dont want to pay for R&B if there is a good, but cheaper commutable school.)</p>
<p>to this day she is bitter towards her parents about this issue. And, she moved away and had little contact with them every since. Some people can be this way. </p>
<p>She wasnt a spoiled girl, but she knew her parents could afford the R&B - which back then was modest. Tuition was low for UCs back then. Quarter schools were about $106/qtr, so Cal was probably a bit higher for semesters.</p>
<p>@aunt bea Very sad. This girl was poorly advised when she created her list. She should have gotten the budget from her parents before applying. If she had the stats to be ivy-competitive and get into Cal, then she likely had the stats to get large merit elsewhere. There are northern Cal privates and OOS schools that may have worked for herâŠassuming that her stats were in the 2000+, high GPA range. </p>
<p>mom, couldnât she work summer school and pay for R&B?</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>good question. I donât know why that wasnât a consideration. Maybe it was, but her parents just didnt want her to go away? </p>
<p>She did have a summer job, that I know, she worked with me. I would have to do the math to figure out if she could have earned saved enough back thenâŠpay was low (less than $2 a hour), and we were only given part-time hours. </p>
<p>My nephew was not allowed to apply to UCB, maybe if he did he would have hate his parents. JK!</p>
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<p>I suspect that Jae lives near UCSD so she can commute. Aunt Bea lives in the SD area. Even if Jae is going to dorm, it is easier/cheaper when a childâs college is within a couple hours from home. Calif is a very long state. It is a long drive from SD to Berkeley.</p>
<p>She didnât get into UCSD as a freshman. If you read the line, she didnât get into the local UC.</p>
<p>We have friends who refused to pay ANY $$ for their eldest son for college on principle. Dad was given no support from his family for college, so he chose to pay that philosophy forward with his own son. I donât know if Dadâs family could have afforded college for Dad or not. However, Dad and wife live in a 4,000 square foot home and are into fine dining and fine wine. As in they have a climate controlled/humidity controlled (whatever, I am a bourbon girl, personally 
) wine cellar in their home, and they have their wine collection revalued each year for insurance purposes. Fortunately, eldest had a 34 on the ACT, good grades, IB Diploma, etc. and was able to obtain and cobble together enough merit $$ to attend our local flagship. âCause he certainly wouldnât have qualifed for any need-based aid. Good for him. BUT - when it was time for study abroad??? Son sent (I feel certain it was the parentsâ idea) an e-mail to family and friends requesting financial assitance!! Asking family is one thing, but sending an e-mail soliciting friends to help support your kids summer abroad??? I canât imagine that eldest wonât resent them for it. </p>
<p>I live in a very Chinese-dominated community, and parents here (no matter how poor or rich) will do anything within their power to send their kids to good schools. Many (including mine) have invested in education trust funds for more than a decade. To many of these immigrants and first generation Chinese, education is of utmost importance. My dad, for example, was unable to attend university due to the Cultural Revolution, and is very regretful about that to this day. What their parents and generation couldnât do for them, they want to do for their children.</p>
<p>However, I think Chinese ideology varies very much from western ideology. I have a Caucasian friend who is a national/international level debater, insanely smart, and is very driven. His parents are upper middle class and he would never qualify for financial aid. His parents refuse to give a penny for undergrad, even if it is in-state. When my Asian friends and I heard about this, it was just very unbelievable and shocking to us. I think some western parents tend to not feel the same kind of responsibility to pay for things like education, house, and whatever after their children turn 18. Maybe itâs also because western society values independence a lot more. Asian society is significantly more tight-knit and greatly values family/tradition (Confucian values).</p>
<p>Because of our parents sacrifice for us, Asian kids tend to have a great sense of responsibility them as well. You often see Asian adults living with their elderly parents and paying for much of their expenses. </p>
<p>Re: <a href=âParents not helping their children with college financial aid. Why? - #62 by aunt_bea - Parents Forum - College Confidential Forumsâ>Parents not helping their children with college financial aid. Why? - #62 by aunt_bea - Parents Forum - College Confidential Forums;
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<p>Apparently, the parents allowed her to apply to Berkeley and some Ivy League schools as well as the presumably local UCSD (which she did not get into, leaving Berkeley her only choice other than starting at the community college). If we assume that the parents vetoed Berkeley in April, then the bitterness is more understandable than if they said in the previous fall âwe can only pay for 2 years of CC + 2 years of local UCSD, but you can go to any school that is that price or lowerâ.</p>
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<p>However, sometimes, the parents have cultivated the entitlement syndrome â this sometimes shows in posts (from both the student and parent point of view) describing situations where the kid has been given everything without being told the cost or having to make choices based on cost, until college costs start appearing on the horizon.</p>
<p>Well, wait. Would they have paid for UCSD had she gotten in? Something is not making sense about this story. But, thatâs usually the case with these second hand stories and Jae still sounds like a horrible brat who probably doesnât have the complete story herself. Not all parents feel obligated to justify themselves and their financial decisions to their kids.</p>
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<p>Since UCSD is the presumed local school, we can see that the cost estimate for living at home and commuting is $4,860 to $6,390 per year lower than living off or on campus:
<a href=âhttps://students.ucsd.edu/finances/financial-aid/budgeting/undergrad-2014-15.htmlâ>https://students.ucsd.edu/finances/financial-aid/budgeting/undergrad-2014-15.html</a></p>
<p>However, the live with parents budget includes costs that many parents assume to be $0 (perhaps because they are distributed around various parts of the household budget like groceries, utilities, car or public transportation, student misc. expenses, etc., rather than a bill associated with the student) instead of $8,258. In that case, the difference can appear to be $13,118 to $14,648.</p>
<p>@HvePassion, yes cultures vary. One of the things I have learned from my husband is that they seem philosopically inclined to take care of each other, but they are also inclined to tell each other what to do. </p>
<p>My family was more of a âdonât ask donât tellâ family. (Donât ask anybody for anything, and dont let anybody tell you what to do! )</p>
<p>My family is a lot like your husbandâs family, Shrinkrap. Family depends on family, but be prepared to hear opinions on top of opinions!</p>
<p>Yes! My husband even now (âkidsâ are 20+, but still financially dependant) says âmaybe we should have them doâ such and such. I am appalled , but at least he starts with âmaybeâŠââŠat the same time, he has worked his whole life to make their choices possible. </p>
<p>How is this for appalled? #-o I like this one too. ^#(^ </p>