So in the past year I’ve come to terms with my sexuality. My parents don’t know, but I want to be out once I get to college (I’m a high school senior now, I just graduated last week). I don’t necessarily want to “come out” to them because I would feel like I was hiding a big, bad secret if I did, and I don’t see my sexuality as a “bad” secret that has to be “told”. So instead of “coming out” like everyone does, I will just “be” out once I get to college. I also want to cut my hair short, which my parents would disapprove of.
The only thing I’m afraid of is my parents refusing to pay tuition if they find out I’m gay. My parents are very conservative, Evangelical Southern Baptists, and are already wary of me going off to college and becoming a liberal (really, that’s their worst fear). Anyway, I am going to go to a college (Northeastern State University) that will be $12,000 per year. I have a scholarship from the college for around $7,000 per year, which also covers any summer classes I would want to take, although it doesn’t cover room and board or books. I have another scholarship for $2,000 per semester, as well.
Early in the year, I’ll also change the password of my bank account (which has around $5,000 in it) so my parents can’t get in to take the money out. I might also move my money to a bank near the college, and I will get a job as soon as I get to college.
Could I do all of this realistically (and does anyone know how I can change my bank account without my parents finding out? My mom checks my phone to see who I’ve called and I don’t know how to do that without them finding out)? And how could I get more financial aid if my parents won’t sign for a loan? Do I need my parents to sign anything for the FAFSA? Can I sign up for anything like the Oklahoma Promise or a PELL grant if I’m already a freshman in college? I’m so nervous about all of this.
If you haven’t filed the FAFSA yet, then you need to do that now! One of your parents will need to sign it electronically. You need your parents to file the FAFSA every year. So you may want to stay on their good side until after they file it in your next-to-last year of college.
Your parents do not need to sign with you for your federal student loans. You sign for them on your own.
The Pell is awarded based on your FAFSA. If you did file the FAFSA this year, and you weren’t awarded a Pell, it is because you don’t qualify for one.
Ask the financial aid office at your university about Oklahoma Promise. They will be able to tell you what you need to do.
If you are 18 years old, and you have a state-issued photo ID and a social security card, you should be able to open a bank account at any bank or credit union that you want to. If you aren’t 18 yet, you may need to have an adult open the account with you as a joint account. Check the websites of the banks in the city where your university is located.
If one of your parents is on your bank account now, you probably can’t close that account without their signature. However, you can transfer some or most of the money to a bank near your university. Just check first to see if your hometown bank will bill you a service charge each month if there is less than $X in the old account.
If you don’t want your mom to check your phone, get a pre-paid phone (Tracfone, Boost Mobile, Go Phone, Cricket Wireless, etc.) once you do get to college. Use that for communicating with your college friends, and use the phone that your mom knows about for communicating with her and with the rest of the family.
Are your scholarships renewable or are they for only the first year? You do need your parents to fill out the FAFSA if you want to be able to take the federal student loan (about $5500/year). But if your scholarships are renewable, you could make up the ~$3k/year through working, so you many not need to borrow the money.
Could you work during the school year too? You’ll likely need the money for living expenses and you may want to invest in an inexpensive phone that your parents can’t check. Will your parents let you return home if they find out you’re gay? If not, is there a relative you could live with during breaks?
Why not just make sure your parents don’t find out until you graduate from college? Do your parents really need to know?
Just want to say I’m sorry about the situation with your parents. We know several parents who had kids come out to them in the past couple years, and all of them say they already knew or at least suspected it. We also know kids who recently came out. In all cases, the parents did accept the news (some more easily than others) and the parents and kids all have good relationships now. Your parents may just surprise you!
Hoping it will all work out for you. 
You will need to have your parents tax and asset information each year for FAFSA. This application is needed in order to take out Direct loans.
You will not get more FA if your parents refuse to take out loans.
If you are over 18 with a state ID (or drivers license), opening an bank account is easy just go to the bank of your choice and tell them you want to open an account. A lot of schools will have a bank on campus. You also can open an account online for some banks. Your need to make a deposit using a check, cashers check, cash or a wire transfer. For an wire transfer, you will need to know your account number and a the routing number.
Unfortunately, you’ll need your parents’ cooperation for the next four years in order to fill out your FAFSA, etc… you are considered their dependent until you are 24, so you can’t get financial aid for college without them. You CAN independently get a few federal loans, which increase in amount each year you’re in college (ie: you can borrow more as a senior than you can as a freshman), so you can keep those loans in your back pocket as an option, should you need them.
This is what I would advise: as others have suggested, as an 18-year-old, you can open your own bank account. Heck, you could even tell your parents the college is recommending you open up an account on campus, if they ask. Go to Virgin Mobile or Boost Mobile and buy your own, pay-as-you-go phone. Use that as your “college” phone. That way, your parents can’t see who you are calling, texting, etc. Make sure they have no knowledge of or way to access your personal email, just in case. (ie: use your college email & use a clever password) Definitely get part time work or summer jobs where you can and sock away that money for a rainy day fund.
Sadly, I think you need to just… keep them in the dark about what your new, real life is at college. Make sure they can’t follow or see you on any social media, when you come home at breaks, don’t mention any girlfriends, etc. Don’t clue them in, basically. Then, once you are financially free of them, which is after you graduate college, you can either tell them, or stop not-telling-them, more like, and see where the chips fall. Now, it’s entirely possible your parents won’t yank financial support if they find out–sometimes parents surprise you–but they also might, so I say play it safe. I’m sorry you have to deal with this, but it’s exciting you get to go away to college and be yourself. I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time
There have been several posts like this in the past. Many of those students have just opted to keep their sexuality secret from parents while in college. If you’re away at college, they likely won’t know anyway.
College kids typically have a million ways to keep parents from knowing what’s going on.
I think you should move your savings to another account.
Once you’re away at school, your mom can’t “check your phone” anymore.
While hetero kids face lesser challenges in regards to parents, they too must often hide their activities from parents who won’t approve of them going to parties, having sex, etc…and those kids find that being away at college makes it easier to do things without parents knowing.
You will need your parents info to file FAFSA, to get need based aid. You wont’ get a a Pell grant if you don’t qualify…and that can only be determined thru FAFSA.