I wasn’t suggesting a PG year for your daughter, just throwing it out there for other parents of younger kids. That said, I think you underestimate the rigor of top boarding schools (including all the out of classroom activities as well).
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We did look into private and boarding schools before skipping her second time. Believe me, lots of crying was involved on my part in agreeing to skip her second time. I really didn’t not want that. However, she was already at the best middle school in town (magnet and all that jazz). Moving was not an option for us. So is boarding school for 9 year old. I want my kid out of the house as much as the next person (lol), but not at that age. Was the work more challenging for her after second skip - no, but better than doing nothing. Middle school was brutal in 7th grade (socially), but got progressively better in high school. High school she is attending primarily comprised of weirdos and nerds. So no one really cares that she started at 12. She takes classes she wants (4 APs, including AP Calc BC this year). Last year I was overwhelmed with the luck of information on how she is doing (she is very introverted in her thoughts and feelings when it comes to us, parents), so I went to school for the first time to talk to her teachers and they were shocked to find out about her being 2 years younger. So, I guess, this gives me some peace of mind that she is mature in her behaviour at the level of high school.
@cinnamon1212 Completely understand - this is the reason for the thread and ideas!
We found fantastic schools outside of our state that would be great for our daughter, but we were not in a position to send her to a boarding school or move, unfortunately. I believe in rigour of boarding schools, however I do have my reservations about them (except a few specifically geared toward GT population).
If I had a chance to start over and resources to do so, I would move to a place where we have schools for academically advanced kids and early college entrance programs (Davidson academy comes to mind).
I graduated high school at 16 (skipped one year in elementary school and a second one in middle/high school) and found it incredibly beneficial to go and work for a year (for a large engineering firm) before going to college (I had already applied to college and been admitted with a deferral). That job involved lots of character building and exposure to the real world, plus the money was nice and they also gave me a summer job all through college.
I’m not sure why there’s a need to rush to college straight away in these circumstances, let alone go to a boarding school for a year. A year abroad might be another option (my kids went to Europe on their own for a holiday the summer before college, which was also quite character building), but in my mind there’s a lot to be said for having the opportunity to grow up and experience the world of work before you start college (and it certainly helped persuade me that staying to do a PhD would be a lot more enjoyable than getting a real job).
I absolutely agree that it’s not the role of the 16 year old to police the actions of the 20 year old. But it is also true that a parent that does not warn a kid (of any age or any gender) NOT to take a drink out of an open container at a party at college is being derelict. Or that a parent that does not remind a kid to ALWAYS have a way to get home safely (Uber, taxi, bus, college security van) in case the driver is too intoxicated to get him/her home is being naive-- even if it is not your kid’s job to monitor other kids drinking or drug use.
Sexual assault can happen to anyone anywhere. But I think there are things going on now with a frequency that is greater than we were all in college despite all the classes on consent and I have NEVER seen so much drinking as I observed at the campuses I visit regularly (I grew up in a college town- kids urinated on the lawn after big football games, but it wasn’t every Thursday through Sunday, constant visits by EMT’s).
If you are confident that your kid can navigate all of this- terrific.
@blossom i am not confident my kid or anyone else’s can navigate all of the issues you pointed out. Either being 16 or 18.
Drinking and sexual assault was rampant when I went to school (albeit in a different country) and I don’t think it got worse. At least we started to talk about it and trying to resolve it. In my country (and by the looks and discussions with my friends here in US) it used to be your own fault for getting in situations like this and only bad girls can be in those situations.
I am very frank with my kid about these issues since she was a little girl (maybe because of my own experience). These are regular discussions in our house. We don’t sugar coat it and we try to provide tools to deal with it. She also surrounded by kids who have strong sense of social justice and actively seeking changes - it gives her food for thought and not being naive when it comes to all unicorns and rainbows that await her in college. However, nothing I can say will guarantee her safety or maturity when it comes to make a decision when she is away. I wish we all had a crystal ball ? to see what our kids will do.
this is a great idea that we are interested in too. I think, however, for lots of students it will depend on what will school allow (to defer or not), scholarships offered at the time of application and what kind of job you can find (Especially now with CoVID uncertainty). I am nudging my D to look into this option, but we will not know until we done with applying and accepted to college…
I was going to suggest a year abroad too. In many countries, there is enough advanced coursework available in the high schools to keep an advanced student challenged for a postgrad year, when combined with the language-immersion aspect.
So many college-level study-abroad programs are oversold, with many “homestay” situations being with economically-stressed hosts who are doing it reluctantly for the money, and academic offerings being a hodgepodge of available classes without a cohesive community. A postgrad high school year is an opportunity that won’t come again, to be part of a real community of same-age peers and host families who really want a young student to join their household.
But as you say, there’s no harm in securing the college admission and then deferring to do something like this. That would be the ideal scenario, to me.
I started college at 17, and some kind of broadening gap year experience first would have been 1000x better… but it wasn’t something I even thought to consider.
I have one kid who will be 17, going on 18 on graduating, and another who would have been 16, going on 17 if she had gone to the same school. Living in Europe, we happen to have access to high school programs with a 13th grade, so that’s where she will go, graduating at 17 going on 18 with the 19 year olds. With students in (continental) Europe tending to be a bit older, and universities expecting students to be much more mature and self sufficient, I’d still prefer them to be a year older before the move out. (They could also live at home and commute to the local university, but I don’t want that at all for them).
However, having them younger makes it harder to decelerate, too. Most student exchange programs expect them to go as sophomores or take a year off before junior grade, because junior and senior grades are a unit, like the IB program. But I wouldn’t want to send a 14 year old abroad any more than I want to send a 17 year old to university.
So I’m thinking about meaningful gap years - internships, high school abroad, stuff you don’t have to be 18 for…I did a gap semester as an au pair and found it hard to cope with the responsibility at 18.
I think that Scottish universities might be an interesting option, because Scottish kids tend to graduate high school at 17, and Scottish degrees, being 4 year degrees, tend to have a more flexible first year than other UK unis who expect you to focus in your major from the beginning.
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A couple of random comments…
- what kind of college are you hoping she will go to? If you are hoping for a T50, it will have holistic admissions. Her young age could cut against her. Also, everyone’s chances are slim, so an extra year or two of doing things that would buff up her resume would help.
- for a year abroad, check out the YES and the NSLI-Y programs, both sponsored by the US government. Also check out opportunities through the Rotary club. I’ve also heard of companies that arrange for kids to live and work on farms, or to live as a nanny, etc., and maybe if you post a new thread asking for recommendations others would be able to give you more info. Also, I know that CIEE , a huge provider of exchange services, has need based scholarships, but I don’t know what constitutes need.
- it sounds like you’re dead set against a PG year at boarding school. But I think it’s helpful to point out a few things.
-She would still graduate high school at her current high school with her friends.
-Many boarding schools offer very good financial aid (tuition discounts, not loans) for middle class families. And the definition of middle class might be a lot more expansive than you’d think.
- academics: You can find a boarding school that will provide her with the same classes she would have been in if she were in college, and with as good as if not better rigor, so you aren’t slowing down her academic progression. Then when she gets to college, she starts off at the higher level classes and she has more opportunities to take advantage of the upper level college offerings. FWIW, my D went to a day school, and they offered up to 3 years worth of college math beyond AP BC Calculus. And, in all subjects, their graduates have said that they have been so well prepared that they have had a substantially easier time than many of their college classmates (this includes all the Ivys, U Chicago, etc).
-IMO One of the best things about college is all of the advising, internship, and EC opportunities. I don’t know of any other time when people will get this much guidance and varied opportunities. If your D did something else for a year before college, this could help her get more out of her college opportunities. Both because she’s hopefully experience new things during the year after graduation so she’s have additional direction, and because hopefully more opportunities will open up as we get further away from (or adjusted to) Covid.
One of my friend’s kids in that situation did a foreign exchange year.
@melvin123 very valid points for any kid! I would suggest lots of them myself.
However, lots of people suggest study abroad and I don’t think I am much for it, to be honest. I might be fine if my D decides to go to my birth country, but only because I still have relatives and very good friends living there. However, I don’t see much benefit for her in a sense of just delaying entrance to college. She still be a 16 year old away from home in an environment unfamiliar to her. I see more value for my kid (I am speaking only for my kid here 
) to use opportunity to study abroad through University, once she is old enough.
One of the positive I can see with her being younger - she doesn’t have to rush college years and participate in co-op and study abroad programs all she wants, pursue double major (or minor), and still be on a younger side when she graduates, having a couple of years of extra income in her life or take time off and travel the world if she chooses so.
Interesting enough, despite being younger than her peers, my D does have ECs to show (including leadership roles, nomination to serious local volunteer awards, activities showing her interest in the field and 4.0 GPA). So I am not overly concerned with holistic review of her accomplishments (granted, we have people with “curing cancer research” not getting admitted, but she will not be applying to Ivies). I actually have not had an instance where her age would be an issue except the time where we wanted to apply for Carnegie Mellon summer program and they clearly state age limit. But for example we have Governor school program in our state that doesn’t take in consideration her age. So opportunities are out there without age limit. Internships would be an issue until she is 16, but unpaid opportunities are aplenty 
Based on D personality and interest in certain majors/minors, we have a solid list (subject to change based on her junior year, of course) that includes good public universities (i.e. Purdue, UofMD, GT, etc) but not Ivies. She has Brown on the list, due to its open curriculum and liberal culture, but we are not holding our breath there. All schools have great opportunities for coop, interesting classes, possibilities for study abroad. So we think she will take full advantage of these.
Also, she spoke with couple of college representatives on her list regarding kids who are younger for college and all of the representatives were actually very enthusiastic and had quite a few examples of kids like her attending their college.
@Tigerle we were actually looking into Scotland universitIes due to personal opportunities. However, not sure she is sold on it
If you are focused on larger publics then I think a gap year spent working before college would be an even better idea. S is a fairly natural leader (senior class president in HS despite being youngest in his class of 400+) but took a year to find his feet at UCLA because so many of the clubs and organizations are self-directed rather than guided by faculty. The academics may come easy but for the rest of it, a bit more life experience is incredibly valuable.
Here is one list of early college progams that might be worth checking out. Some of their programs might work for a younger high school graduate as well: https://www.hoagiesgifted.org/early_college.htm
I have known several people who started college very young - each for their own reasons. Some had skipped grades and finished high school younger than most of their classmates. Others ran through what their high schools and local dual-enrollment programs could offer, and left high school without graduation. All of them have turned out fine. Chances are that your daughter will too.
@DreamerMom No, we do not have a solution; your D is a few years older, I think.
I graduated from a Canadian HS at 16 and finished at a T20 in 3 years. I was independent, mature, driven, and very ready to leave home. There were aspects of my college experience that were odd due to my age - but none that were so challenging that I would not recommend the same path for others.
I would, however, strongly urge your D to (1) look at schools with access to excellent public transportation as being a new/inexperienced driver in a new city can be scary (2) take full advantage of any opportunity for a junior semester/year abroad, even if it throws off the sequence of her ‘major’ classes needed for graduation in 4 years - she has the luxury fo being able to graduate in 5 years and not have anyone question the slight detour (3) if she is given the chance to go directly from undergrad to a grad program OR to an internship program - DO IT! I thought it would be easy to get a good/standard first job right out of college but it was very difficult to convince employers that a 19 year old could hold her own in the workplace (granted this was 30+ years ago). Not surprisingly, the best offer was from the cyber/tech world - where an internship turned into a paid position within a few months.
As a parent, I would suggest that you help her find schools with good advisor programs - my school had a wonderful residential system and an excellent academic advisory system. In addition, you should probably be ready to co-sign/investigate alternatives for a lot of one-offs that are not easy to do independently when you are under 18 (health care insurance), 21 (apartment leases), or 25 (car rentals).
I wish her all the luck and success - and you all the joy of watching her take this next step.
@howdidwegethere Hee - sounds like U of T. (I could be wrong.)
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@howdidwegethere thank you, thank you for sharing this positive story. What would be an example of odd experience you mentioned, if you don’t mind sharing? Have you stayed in cyber field after that first job? This is what my D is planning on majoring in, so any experience with this career path would be appreciated 
Amazingly, everything you mentioned fits so much into my hopes for her college experience. Thank you for your suggestions! One of my D’s big wants is a public transportation. We have a few colleges in big cities that are top of her list.
My daughter graduated high school at 16 and applied to college in senior year like normal, but the intent had always been to take a gap year prior to starting college. Then covid happened and the gap year became an even better idea. She is a trainee for a ballet company and doing an extra few CC classes on the side, so she’s really maximizing her gap year for herself. She’ll still be 17 when she goes to college, but I think that’s pretty normal.