As my kiddo’s first year of college comes to an end, I’ve been reflecting a lot on how it has been for her, for my husband and me, and for us as a family. I’m also shocked by how quickly it went by! Weren’t we just agonizing over applications yesterday?
My daughter had a fantastic first year at her chosen college. She loved most of her classes, developed new interests, learned better time management, and improved her writing skills. She made friends, tried new things, and ventured out of her comfort zone. She learned a lot about herself and about other people. She became more responsible and independent.
For me and my husband, we adjusted to being empty nesters (she’s our only child). It wasn’t as bad as we thought! We missed her but loved hearing and seeing how much she was thriving. We began to rediscover our couple-hood. We each marveled at how our relationship with our kid was evolving. We’re both so proud of her.
For me personally, I learned to let go and not center my life around my child. I’ve made positive changes in my personal and professional life. I feel a sense of balance that I didn’t always feel before. I almost feel guilty saying that, as though I’m glad to have my daughter out of the house. I’m not. But somehow this change has redistributed things in a way that seems good for all of us, if that makes sense.
Well, that’s a lot for a Wednesday morning! I realize I’m fortunate, that the first year of college isn’t always such a positive change or transition for all students and families. Several friends with graduating HS seniors have been worriedly asking me how it was, though, and I’m glad to have good things to tell. I wish them the same.
So, how were your first years? How was it for your kids, and for you? Please share! It will be so nice to read others’ experiences. Maybe I’ll direct some of my anxious friends here. 
Your post absolutely resonated with me, @IBviolamom! My daughter has had a great year too. Finals are over and today she is traveling to another city with her acappella group to record an album! She’s made wonderful friends, worked really hard, and done many things this year that she’d hoped for in her college experience, and we feel blessed that she is so happy there. It’s been an exciting and interesting year for us both… and yes, it certainly flew by!
Pretty good! My DD’17 is at community college an hour away, so we saw her at least every two weeks. She cooks her meals, works at Target, enjoys her classes, and feels she is absolutely in the right place.
She has had moments where the social life seemed to be lacking- her roommates are nice but not always available, and she was always the one suggesting fun things to do. They were often willing to participate but took no initiative on their own to plan things or invite her to do anything. She takes few classes outside her program so she wasn’t meeting a wide range of students. However, talking to her this week, she has become really close with the one roommate who is around the most, has a boy and a girl from her classes to hang out with, her cousin that is her age has been coming over every week, and she recently hung out with a girl from work. So it seems to be a non-issue now.
She has about 3 weeks off now and then starts summer semester. Especially for us, with her taking just a 5 semester program, this is going to be over before we know it and we’ll be on to the “real job” search!
I still have a DD’19 to focus on, so it hasn’t feel too empty at home, yet.
We pick up S17 tomorrow. The year just flew! Happy to report he had a terrific year! He was never the best student (lack of effort, not ability). The joke was he only went to school because it was required to play sports! But he has really stepped up to the challenge! While a lot of my friends reported miserable freshman early on in the year, my son really hit the ground running. Ended up being best friends with his roommate, and a few other suitemates (one of whom graduated from the neighboring high school and has a car on campus to bum rides home - bonus!!). Joined a club sport and made friends there. Grades have been better than we ever hoped for! And he’s finishing up the Red Cross lifeguard test to work this summer at home and next semester on campus.
I also have a D21 at home, so we’ve been kept busy. The dog does still wander into his room occasionally in the morning to sniff around and make sure he didn’t sneak back in!
I also have one kid, and we really put a lot of effort to try to raise him right while not forcing him to do anything and to make him more independent. He got into his number one choice and took a gap year to study language abroad for one year. Talked to him only 4 times during this time to give him independence. I already let him go psychologically in my mind to do his thing and ask us for advice when warranted. I feel we did a good job but is a time to focus on the relationship between me and my wife more. My wife misses more being a mom to him but I always considered him more of my little buddy than my son and gave him a lot of space, and even seriously told him he doesn’t have to go to college if he doesn’t want to. Told him to not to put too much pressure on himself and enjoy his life because a life is short.
Oh, one more thing: so glad this high school thing is over. I will probably quit posting here when my kid starts attending college until such time he decides to go to grad school, if ever.
Picking up my S17 next week. He had a fantastic year at school. Made a few close friends, and had a good time. Although finals aren’t done yet, it looks certain that he will have made Dean’s List both semesters. He has grown so much and I couldn’t be more proud. The transition of him leaving was brutal. I am a single parent, and its been “just us” for well over a decade. His absence really affected my S18 as well and those first three months were very challenging. No relaxing or finding hobbies here. Too busy getting S18 through his college search. There will be a big celebration in our very small family next month. Then, after the fanfare subsides, I’m worried how I will handle August, when the house becomes way too quiet. I am contemplating moving closer to my elderly parents. It may be a good time to repay some of the help that they have given me over the years.
My S17 has had a fantastic first year. One more week. He said he will be home for mother’s day dinner. He had his last test today before finals next week. We are proud of his grades and hope he finishes out where he was last weekend. If so he will be in line for a couple of nice scholarships. We knew he was independent and wouldn’t have trouble being away from home. I wasn’t sure if the state he went to was too different but he loves it. He got a gf the first week of school and they are still together and going to Greece this summer with another friend. They made the perfect study couple too both being very academic. Socially he made lots of friends and joined a fraternity second semester. He even participated in a dance team (WAY out of his comfort zone). He will come home and go straight to work. Hopefully take a class second half of the summer. I will enjoy him because I have a feeling it may be his last summer coming home.
For us we missed him a lot and wished he would call or text a little more, especially second semester. But we know he is happy and doing well. We have our hands full with his older sister and her mental illness. She will make the summer difficult we know. I honestly don’t blame him for being so happy to be away!
D had a good year. Worked hard and had great grades. (Her HS was very tough, and in some ways she found college easier.) Her roommate experience wasn’t the best–no drama, but roommate wasn’t friendly, was inconsiderate about lights/noise, etc. D joined a baking club with a high school friend, went to football games. Made a few friends in the dorm. Went to ROTC ball. A hs friend at same college had some mental health issues/academic struggles. D was supportive/a good friend, but this was stressful for D. (I was sort of relieved when D said this friend decided not to return to the college next semester.) D is looking forward to next year with new roommate, planning study abroad for next summer. Time flies. This is kid #5 for us and it seems like her hs graduation, prom, etc. just happened. She entered as a sophomore, so technically she’ll be a junior after finals. Her current plan is to triple major, so she would still take 4 years to finish college.
This is our first kid to go in-state and I liked having a few extra visits and easy move-in.
D had a very rough semester which created a lot of stress and anxiety for me. She is so far away and the homesickness was intense. She had some challenges with her roommate and complained a lot about not being able to sleep because people would be up very late and were loud in the dorm halls. She missed her boyfriend back home, had some trouble making friends, and the workload was intense (25 books for 4 classes!). However, she did very well academically and agreed that she should stay the full year and keep trying to get involved in things. For second semester, D was able to get moved to a single room in a quieter dorm and that made a huge difference to her to be able to sleep and have her down time. Her friendships deepened and she has had great classes, including a creative writing class (finally getting to do what she has always wanted). She started writing for an online political journal at her school and they gave her a great position for next year. While it is still hard for her to be far from home, she has gained confidence managing all the travel back and forth and really appreciates all that her college has to offer. We took a big leap of faith at this time last year, and now she is happy with her decision and the opportunities she has had.
I loved reading everyone’s stories! @elena13 its great that your daughter stuck with it and became happier; one of my friends has a son who is likely to struggle a bit at first (some social difficulty, very attached to home, etc.) and I’m readying myself for some reassurance. It seems that where I live, maybe because the kids here are very sheltered, I hear way too many stories of kids who come home after one semester and transfer to the local CC. Nothing wrong with the local CC of course, but I figure these kids applied to the collleges they chose for a reason.
@websensation I was glad to be done with the “high school thing” too! Every time my daughter griped about her HS I would always tell her, “College is SO much better!” She was not fond of her HS’s social culture (fortunately she had a small group of friends who felt the same) and disliked the huge focus on athletes over students with other talents.
@atomom I know what you mean. My daughter is an empath and is also a super supportive friend, sometimes at the expense of her own mental well-being. She has a friend in college with an eating disorder and became very distressed and anxious trying to be helpful to him, especially once he told her to back off. That was hard for her. She goes to a school that’s very academically rigorous and a lot of students think the focus on mental health needs improving. There was a suicide this winter and it really brought the issue to the forefront.
Making friends seems to really be the key, because adjusting to college life alone, without people to talk to about it, must be very challenging. My daughter made some friends right away during the orientation that immediately preceded the start of classes. But a couple of months into this semester she started feeling weird about the friendships, they were less interested in her then she was in them, and that if she didn’t reach out to them they would forget about her. She was pretty upset about it but then made an effort to get to know new people, to ask them to have lunch after class and things like that, and she wound up much happier. She became very close with a few people, and from the names I hear her mention, she has a whole lot of other people that she studies with, eats with, goes to on-campus and off-campus events with, so it’s all good!
She’s returning home tonight and I’m so excited to become reacquainted with her because she’s changed so much! I’m sure we will all enjoy having our kids home for the summer!
i am picking up my D17 this week. Her first year has been really great overall with some ups and downs. Made lots of friends, got very involved, and grades are decent. the downs included flu-turned-pneumonia/death of acquaintance/roommate issue that all happened in early February. But she bounced back and is sad to be leaving for the summer.
My wife and I just read a FB post (weird as my son hardly even uses FB) my son wrote regarding how thankful and appreciative he is that he got to go to his school. He is having a wonderful experience full of all the personal growth a parent would want. Brought tears to our eyes. What a great yr!