<p>He can have one, but we are not allowing it yet. Right now we are trying to save a bit of money by switching his coverage, but we might let him have it in spring semester.</p>
<p>Hello everyone,
I’m not a parent of the 2016 class, I’m a member of it. I’m so sorry to butt in, but this seems to be the place where I’d get the best help.</p>
<p>I’m the older sister and the first in my family to (hopefully) go to college for more than a year. Since this thread is still in ‘launch period’ for everyone, I might as well add that I’ll be leaving for Swarthmore on the 28th. Good luck and best wishes to everyone else here with their 2016-er(s).</p>
<p>I was hoping to get some advice on my relationship with my parents. Since about April, our relationship has gone from supportive and warm to very frosty and tense. I’m at a loss to figure out why, and at a time when I’m trying to accept the loss of my major secondary support structure coming from my middle and high school friends, I’ve been feeling increasingly hurt. I have stuck to their 9 P.M curfew (even for the grad parties I went to) all senior year, helped around the house to ease their busy schedules, worked two jobs since the day after my high school graduation, and have been very open with everything Swarthmore is expecting from me (forms to fill out, placement tests to take, housing, ect.).</p>
<p>I know the transition to living away from home means I should feel distance between me and my parents (college is, after all, supposed to help me become independent), but I also thought that whenever I do come home, there would be warm, welcoming hugs. Based on my experiences, I do not foresee this type of homecoming scenario.</p>
<p>My question is, is this a normal type of coping behavior from parents? </p>
<p>When one of my jobs thankfully gives me a morning or afternoon off, they comment that I am sitting around the house being lazy and wasteful. On some occasions when I’ve asked for their opinion on dorm shopping (which I have paid for myself), they give short, snappy answers. The way they behave towards my younger teenage sister (who I have always been on good terms with and don’t have any hard feelings about this towards her) has remained the same or even gotten more coddling.</p>
<p>Can any parents point out what I’ve done wrong? Maybe a fresh pair of eyes reading this story will see my errors. I’m worried about how the emotions will play out on move-in day. What could I expect, especially when I come home for Thanksgiving?</p>
<p>Thank you very much, and good luck again to you all!</p>
<p>D (already launched) has her car. The car is an old one passed down by a grandparent. There’s no public transportation in our area (Atlanta suburb), so teens tend to drive. Travel between home and campus is much the most efficient by car, and since we already had the car, it made more sense to have it sitting on campus than sitting at home in our driveway. She doesn’t have much reason to drive it around Athens, except for the occasional run to Walmart for supplies.</p>
<p>Ckent-- If you are wanting more support or focus on your question, you might want to start a separate thread… I don’t think I have enough info to know why your parents might be acting this way since April. It seems to be very painful to you, and I am wondering if you have asked them or shared your feelings with them. Have you let them know that you had hoped to share your adventure with them as much as possible, but that you feel they are closing you out? This can be done in a non-blamey way… Best of luck to you. My guess is if you start a focused thread on this topic, you will have room to explain more about your particular situation and dynamics, and many people will pipe in with advice and/or support.</p>
<p>Ckent1789
First, I am sorry you are feeling this way. I think we all react differently to stressful situations so there is no “normal” but I can say most of my circle is holding tight and relishing their “last” moments with their college-bound kids, which leads me to believe there is more to your parents’ behavior. The best advice I can offer you is to sit them down and lay it all out. Communication is key in ANY relationship. Do it now before you go so you can make sure the air is clear and you can move forward on your journey. I will keep you in my prayers. Good luck. Be brave!</p>
<p>on your wonderful journey. Y</p>
<p>So I am proud of DS. Packing is done, and he kept it under control! Three large plastic bins, two large suitcases, large garbage bag of bedding, messenger bag and his shower caddy. Of course, we don’t have to bring his chair, couch or winter clothes yet, but it is definitely better than I thought it would be.</p>
<p>ckent1789: First off: Congrats on Swarthmore! Your folks may be freaking out realizing that they can’t control you at college. You’ll be able to stay out as late as you wish there. And you will! And that’s going to be great for you and it may be rocky with your folks for a while as you become your own woman. Have faith, though, that you’ll find new support structures at school and you’ll start to find your “chosen family” in addition to your birth one. Best of luck!</p>
<p>ckent1789–I hope you have the chance to sit down with your parents in the next week to put your relationship back on a more even keel. It’s a rough time for parents and kids. Congrats on Swarthmore. That’s where my son is heading as well.</p>
<p>ckent1789, I echo what all the other wise parents here have said. Congrats to you and I hope you have a wonderful freshman year! You sound like a smart and conscientious person, so I’m sure you will. </p>
<p>As far as a car–not allowed freshman year at Tulane. Also, they have very good public transportation with the trolley system, so she won’t need one. And it’s really nice that her roommate is from NOLA, so they have access to a car if it becomes necessary for some reason. (I’m hoping roomie will get her to the airport once in a while, not necessarily all the time of course. She can certainly take a cab.)</p>
<p>Good luck to those launching today! My girl and her dad make their big BB&B run today for pickup of all the stuff she purchased up here.</p>
<p>Good luck CKent. Your parents may not know how to deal with their own feelings, since you’re the first to go away. I am the oldest and was first-generation college, and I recall that summer being very difficult for my parents.</p>
<p>We head out this afternoon. D is all packed, and we just need to load the cars when she returns from breakfast with her BFFs. She is taking her car to campus. Much as we love Kenyon, it is in the middle of nowhere, and a car will be useful. While we are too far away for her to come for a weekend visit, S’12 is only 3 hours from her. I expect she’ll visit him and his gf occasionally once the fall sport season ends. Her team is in the same conference as the college team he coaches, so they’ll run into each other at tournaments. H and I already have hotel reservations for the weekend her team plays at his college. I’m planning on taking shirts from their colleges, cutting them down the middle, and sewing them together so that H and I can each wear a shirt that’s half each school!</p>
<p>I’m very happy and excited for D, but a little sad too. We’re used to having kids in and out of the house all the time, so it’ll be very quiet around here. H and I do have lots of fun plans, so we’ll adjust. We’ve told our kids we’ll be like the parents in the Venza commercials!</p>
<p>Good luck to everyone!</p>
<p>CKent - too hard to say just based on what you are saying. I’m all for talking it all out and not leaving feeling weird. </p>
<p>No car for S at college. I don’t even think freshmen are allowed cars on campus, nor do I think he even really needs one. Besides, he’s going up to the hinterlands of NY, I’m thinking digging a car out of snow will not be worth it for him. And, we need the car he uses for when his sister gets her license in January so she can drive to school.</p>
<p>As it is, I’m not just losing a son, I’m losing a chauffer. Their high school is 30 minutes away and I’ve relied on him to transport her the past two years. Now I have to go back to two hours of driving a day.</p>
<p>Good luck to all the launchers!</p>
<p>Omg oldfort…4 suitcases of clothes? I hope that is just a girl thing or I am going to have to go back online to delta airlines and pay for additional baggage. I really have no clue yet ( until we get home to pack) how much he needs and how much room it will take. Will he need his down jacket in Atlanta before January (second semester)?</p>
<p>We’re selling DD’s car. While cars are allowed for “Frosh”, they are strongly discouraged (charging $2,000 for a Freshman parking permit! :eek:) Public transportation is plentiful in the city.</p>
<p>4 Suitcases!? We took a dorm tour a couple weeks ago. 42" of closet rod and 3 drawers, plus what fits under the bed. That aint much.</p>
<p>D has a hand me down car from her grandmother (no longer able to drive). Since she is going to school within a 90 minute drive, we are sending the car with her. It will make it easier for her to go back and forth. We don’t expect to see her all that often (especially not during football season), but she’ll come home for grandparent birthdays, holidays etc.</p>
<p>DD is not taking car to school. School runs weekly shuttles out to shopping at edge of town.</p>
<p>ckent1789 – I think I understand why you would post here rather than start your own thread. This thread (and its predecessor) has a reputation for being supportive whereas the general forum is populated with some, well, really interesting folks. </p>
<p>You didn’t give us a lot to go on so I took a look at your posting history to see if I could find anything relevant. Do you share this screen name with one or both parents? I ask because some posts are from the viewpoint of a parent ("… my D …") and some from the viewpoint of a kid. It would help us first to have more information and second to know for sure who we’re talking to.</p>
<p>Gaelicbred, I love your shirt idea.</p>
<p>Just sent the 2nd big box to San Diego. That leaves three duffels for everything else including clothes. Luckily for SD weather clothes will last all year–will not send more clothes for “winter”. </p>
<p>Had dinner with good friends last night who have two bright girls, both of whom transferred after freshman year (Brandeis–Colgate, Tulane–Oregon). It was good to talk about the reasons why that might happen and how it isn’t the end of the world…</p>
<p>If you’re not “hitched” to financial aid? transferring is very easy/common.</p>
<p>Neighbors came home yesterday from dropping S off 1500 miles away. They admitted “its a long shot he’ll stick it out for 4 years.” They hope he lasts for the full freshman year…</p>
<p>We also have a hand me down car for the kids. Not taking to school, but will be home and available for them for breaks and summers.</p>
<p>I remember dropping DS1 off three years ago and walking past a girls room and the Father saying to her as he was staring at a HUGE pile of clothes on her dorm bed - WHERE do you think you are storing all these clothes. I’m sure they had to take at least half of it back home with them.</p>
<p>I’m going with Less is more. We’ll be out again for Family weekend the first weeked of October and we will be bringing his heavy stuff out then. For now just sending him with a couple of sweatshirts and hoodies. But mostly shorts and tees and a few jeans.</p>