Parents of the HS Class of 2021 (Part 3)

Well that’s annoying lol :joy:

Does your first-choice college have you on the waitlist? You better come up with a Plan B.

Sara Harberson, Opinion contributor

Published 7:00 AM EDT May. 11, 2021 Updated 11:28 AM EDT May. 12, 2021

May 1 used to be my reckoning as a dean of admissions. I knew that if enrollment deposits did not come in the way I hoped, my job and many others’ jobs at the college were on the line. Having a waitlist gave me peace of mind and allowed the admissions office to fill the remaining spots available in the freshman class if we were tracking behind on deposits.

But over the years, colleges have expanded the size and use of waitlists, leaving hundreds of thousands of students with a false sense of hope.

As high school seniors come to terms with where they are going or hope to go to college this fall, colleges are swimming in an excess of students on their waitlist with little intention of admitting most of them.

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There are appropriate reasons for a college to waitlist a student. It is supposed to be done for a student whom the college wants to admit but might not have room in the class just yet. These students should be competitive for the college.

And if the college had a larger student body, they would have been admitted. However, over the past several years, waitlists have swelled to the point that the college could fill two or three times the size of the freshman class by the number of students they place on the waitlist.

Worth the wait?

Take, for example, Tulane University. It has a freshman class size of 1,820 students. For last fall, Tulane offered to waitlist 12,813 students (4,486 students accepted to wait). Even if Tulane had a 0% yield rate on admitted students, it would be able to fill its class seven times over with the number of students it offered to place on the waitlist. Yet because Tulane has an aggressive early decision program, it might not need to use the waitlist at all. In fact, last year, Tulane admitted zero students from the waitlist.

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Many ask why colleges would waitlist so many students knowing they could not admit most or any in a given year. The answer is full of complexity. It is part good intentions and part strategic – all at the expense of students. Colleges know that a waitlist decision will likely not result in an acceptance for most students.

Tulane University of Louisiana

Tulane University of Louisiana

TULANE PUBLIC RELATIONS / WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

In a college’s skewed, aloof position, waitlisting a student is a positive message without having to explain the reasons behind it. It can take the sting out of a decision when the students believe they were close to being admitted and possibly still have a shot.

But carelessly stringing thousands of students along well into the summer months is unethical and irresponsible on the part of colleges.

Colleges jockey for status

Colleges will argue that they don’t know what their yield rate (the percentage of students who accept a college’s offer of admission) will be in a given year. Yet yield rates are often relatively consistent year after year. The truth is that some colleges deliberately use waitlists to control their acceptance rate and increase their yield rate.

Consider Case Western Reserve University. At times, Case Western has filled a significant portion of its freshman class through the waitlist as a way to stay competitive with other elite colleges.

Students accepted from the waitlist are more likely to enroll than a student admitted in early action or regular decision. A college does not have to admit as many students off the waitlist to get them to enroll, and colleges want the lowest acceptance rate possible.

Last year, Case Western admitted 1,076 students from the waitlist for its freshman class of 1,305 – which is 82% of the incoming class.

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Colleges recognize the power they hold in offering admission to a waitlisted student. There is a psychological factor involved when a student is admitted off the waitlist, as students can feel enamored and even pressured to enroll at that college – the school they nearly missed out on.

Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland

Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland

KENNETH SPONSLER / SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

For many schools, students on their waitlist must confirm their interest immediately and sometimes repeatedly. A Case Western admissions representative told me the school requires waitlisted students to confirm their interest on a weekly basis.

College admissions officers will sometimes formally “pre-qualify” a student on the phone before admitting them from the waitlist to ensure that the student will in fact enroll. Pre-qualification is a strategy colleges use to gauge a student’s interest by contacting them out of the blue and pressuring them to enroll.

Lifting the need-blind curtain

One of the biggest secrets about the waitlist at most colleges, though, is that it favors the wealthy. By the time a college goes to the waitlist, its financial aid budget might be used up and only students who do not apply or qualify for need-based financial aid are considered. For many colleges, this is the reality of need-aware admissions, where the ability to pay is a factor in admitting students.

Yet, finding a college’s need-aware policy on its admissions website is about as likely as getting admitted to that college from the waitlist if you need financial aid.

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Even the colleges that boast being need-blind in their evaluation process fall victim to a need-aware process when it comes to the waitlist. I applaud the University of Richmond and Lehigh Universityfor at least admitting that they factor in a student’s ability to pay during the waitlist process. Most colleges would never admit this.

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Sara Harberson

But carelessly stringing thousands of students along well into the summer months is unethical and irresponsible on the part of colleges.

When I worked as the associate dean of admissions at the University of Pennsylvania, a need-blind institution, the office was not forthright about the fact that needing financial aid kept a student from being considered or admitted from the waitlist. Many need-blind universities are not open about their policies when it comes to whom they admit off of the waitlist.

There are long-standing issues of institutional bias, a lack of transparency and self-serving policies that colleges have propagated for decades. The use of the waitlist is just one of many unfair practices used by colleges to stoke interest and applications, and keep hope alive in many more students than they have room to admit and enroll.

Despite an admissions scandal that brought down parents, college officials and an independent college counselor only two years ago, colleges still behave as if they are above the law and immune to the ethics of working with young people. As we emerge from a pandemic that wiped so much hope from our lives, colleges should be leaders in doing what is right by students rather than what is right by them. Hope is rooted in trust, and there is no greater responsibility than colleges being trustworthy to our youth.

Sara Harberson is a former dean of admissions at a liberal arts college and a former Ivy League associate dean of admissions. Her book, “Soundbite: The Admissions Secret that Gets You Into College and Beyond,” was published in April. Harberson is the founder of SaraHarberson.com and Application Nation. Follow her on Twitter

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D submitted her vaccine record and Pfizer vaccine record to the portal and accepted without problems. Her vaccines are done at the earliest age such as HPV at age 11 y/o . Her pedi is very on top of vaccines. Sad your boys will not have their beloved doc.

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Notre Dame just closed the waitlist. :skull_and_crossbones: Merciful and glad the wait is over. Would have been more merciful to just say it in the email and not make you go to the portal to find out. Still at the bar but that was S’ best bet.

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Right on!

I am equally proud of my 4 kiddos even though one decided to blow off a top 5 computer science program that many might have “killed” for a spot at and not go to college at all. It was a tough pill to swallow but it only took me about a month to realize college is not for everyone. I remember my little one at the time saying he didn’t understand why xxx didn’t want to go to college because it sounded like fun. I remember how cute that sounded. Well, the little one is now himself 18 and just now had his last day of school today. Goes on Monday to pick up his cap and down for graduation and find out any awards received. So proud of my 4 kiddos.

They’ve all surpassed my expectations. Not hard to do because I didn’t set the bar high as my only requirement was try your best. Their best was something else! :slight_smile:

As for body image. I don’t get it. When I was in Austin helping my daughter last weekend I saw her roommate from last year. She looked fantastic. I told my daughter. The roommate was not heavy last year nor did she look bad but maybe more solid with an athletic build. My daughter told me not to say anything at all to her how good she looked. When I asked why she told me because everyone in the sorority has a weight complex or weight issue. Wth? She told me so many of them have some sort of eating disorder. Sick just sick. Why? Who does this to them? Is it boys? Parents? Other girls? Me if I told her she looked great? I was shocked. Makes me sad for the girls. Made me realize my kid is lucky at this point she weighs about 109# and doesn’t have those issues. I would hate to think what would be going through her mind if she was overweight. Unfortunately for her, all she needs to do is look at her parents lol to know what she might looks like in 30 years. Although the caveat to that is I was never that tiny lol so maybe she has some hope. Hah

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I wonder if they miscalculated their numbers prior to May 1, they went to WL prior to the deadline and nothing after. I wonder if they are also over enrolled.

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Usually that behavior is yield protection. But strange in this case because they told the waitlisters they wouldn’t start until 5/3. They were very specific. Idk. Things are weird this year.

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For experienced parents out there - how long do you stay for housing move-in?

Due to time zone and long flights we are planning to arrive a day early to pick up at Bed, Bath etc, stay for move in day and then one more day (if convocation - not sure how many schools have that anymore) or do you stay a couple days after “drop off”. Need to book flights - and thinking we may be overstaying our welcome and should just leave the day after official move-in as then parents clear out ???

For S18 it was drop off and done (leave that same evening after moving everything in: they had 30 min slots with a 2hr parking limit). For D18 we spent the day buying stuff at Target but there was theoretically a welcome weekend with a parent and student event the following day (D blew us off because she was too busy) and a welcome from the university president followed by a BBQ on the next day (we saw D for 30 mins then left for the 12 hour drive home because she was too busy talking to her new friends).

Better to resign yourself to leaving as soon as you’ve put the stuff in the room and done a run to the store for anything that’s missing than be getting in the way when your kid is trying to make friends.

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Not an experienced parent yet lol
but our plan is to drive in the afternoon before move in (it’s a 5 hour drive) and spend that evening picking up any snacks/last minute things he might need and show my husband a bit of campus since he hasn’t been yet. Move in day, after we get him settled and unpacked we’ll eat together and explore a little bit more of Lubbock, Husband and I will stay that night and then checkout and drive back home the next morning.

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D21 is trying to maintain A’s till the end (2 more weeks left). The motivation however is partly because just in case she tries for a transfer next year.

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Lol, my son also is good about doing laundry but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him fold anything!

Virginia Tech is doing an online orientation mid summer and then a few weeks on campus after move -in/before school starts. It sounds like this piece is new? I’m glad they are doing it that way. It’s how my college did orientation back in the day and it did help to connect with people and settle in.

Also, on the waitlist discussion, I heard that VT announced that they closed their list. They admitted some from it but it didn’t seem like many and more from OOS.

My son’s school is kind of similar. The last three weeks are “senior experience.” You can do a project or some kind of career exploration. In normal times I’d have helped S21 set up a job shadow because I know people who work in the field he’s interested in but with everyone still working at home that wouldn’t work. Instead, he’s working a part-time job at a local bakery. He needed a summer job anyway so it was nice that the school requirement gave an added push to find something. Given all the restrictions right now the school is being pretty loose with what they approve as long as it meets the 20 hr/week requirement.

If you don’t do senior experience you have to keep going to class (where nothing is being taught lol) and take finals. But very few don’t do it.

This is so important. I thought we were opting out of the rat race and never pressured the kids about being the best, going to super competitive colleges. But then this school year D23, who has had an awful year with DL, had a huge melt down about college pressure. Talking through it I realized that while we weren’t putting on that pressure she was getting lots of it from school/peers. So we spent time looking at great college options for what she wants to do that don’t expect perfect applicants, talking about how mental health is the most important thing, pursuing your own interests vs taking the hardest classes in everything just to keep up with peers. She seems to be in a better place now but it really opened my eyes to the need to actively counter the narrative she’s going to get out in the world.

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Our schools allow seniors to take classes pass/fail second semester. My D21 opted to change her AP calc to this as she didn’t want to ruin her perfect streak of A’s as she is riding a B/B- all term. Honestly taking the pressure off has made her grade rise and her anxiety retreat. She has until the last week of school to decide if she wants the letter grade back. She also opted out of the AP test because she found out it will not count for anything at her college.
I’m thankful that she is fully vaccinated and finally out having some fun her senior year.
As for comforters vs duvet cover keep it simple and cheap. Bought all my kids the ‘bed in a bag’ at Bed Bath and Beyond. Got one extra bottom sheet. They do not use top sheets so yes to washing the comforter more frequently although the boys tend to do it only at end of term😂 I have had to replace bedding more then once when we went to pack up at end of year and realized that it wasn’t even worth bringing home due to damage/soil.
Sent everyone with an extra blanket to keep at end of bed. Found that temps in dorms can be all over the place so nice to have extra warmth.

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For the extra blanket, S21 is getting this as a birthday gift next month https://society6.com/product/blacksburg-virginia-collegiate-map-handrawn_throw-blanket?sku=s6-9665786p49a64v437

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I would see if you could find any programming happening at the college when making plans for departure after drop off. At Bowdoin, they do a convocation (which was lovely!) and then all of the freshmen have to report to the field house for the beginning of their outdoor trips. Parents are told it’s time to leave campus after you drop them there since they spend the night there and head out in the morning. That was around 4:00. We left S19 there and headed to the airport…and it was so weird!

Not sure what Colgate does. In general, I think most parents head home after drop off and maybe a meal. Depending on flight availability, we will leave Colgate either on the day we drop D or the next morning.

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For my D19 we were only allowed to stay on campus for around three hours. They got an hour to unload/unpack their rooms and then there was a family speech given and then they kicked us out. Ha. We stayed in the area (she went to college near our hometown) for about a week after, but completely separate from her. For my younger D we are planning to leave immediately after she’s settled into her room (I think there is a family service in the church but that’s not our thing), but will again stay in the area a week after to do some visiting- she’s moving back to our favorite place we’ve lived. I wouldn’t be surprised if this D ends up wanting dinner/ a shopping trip with us- she’s less a social butterfly than my D19. I’m hoping between the dance early start and orientation stuff she’ll forget we are there.

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My oldest daughter’s university had an orientation weekend that started on move-in day. They also had a parents’ orientation at the same time with events planned Friday evening through Sunday morning, ending with a Convocation Mass. Since we were in San Diego, we made a little mini-getaway out of it. We arrived on day or two early (can’t remember now) and stayed until Monday. Most of the weekend our D was doing orientation stuff, but there were a couple events that included parents, like a BBQ. We kissed her goodbye at the end of the Convocation then left. One of her roommates was also from East Coast and her parents also stayed an extra day - we ended up meeting them for drinks. It was a nice weekend.

S19 had a day long orientation in June. He also had to arrive early to move in because he plays a fall sport. 5 hour drive and IIRC, we arrived the night before, moved him in the next morning then headed home.

Like my oldest D, S21 has a four day orientation that starts on move in day. It doesn’t look like there is anything for parents, except for Convocation on the first day in the afternoon. Since it is an 8 hour drive, we will most likely say our goodbyes to him then, then either head home or stay another night in hotel (we will arrive day before move-in).

I would plan to say your goodbyes right after moving in or Convocation if there is one. It is better to let them immerse themselves in meeting people/planned activities rather than trying to see them again if you stay any extra time.

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That blanket is so cool! I might give that idea to the grandparents as a grad gift idea for S21.

And it sounds like we are traveling along similar paths with our S21s headed to the same school and having D23s who feel the perfection pressure. My D compares herself to her brother, a STEM kid who school comes pretty easily to, while she’s more of a “love of learning” humanities kid who has to work extra hard for good grades. So we had similar talks here a few months ago when choosing classes for next year. She finally realized that just because her brother and some of her friends rack up the math/science AP classes doesn’t mean she has to make herself miserable trying to do the same. She also found a few safety/match colleges that she could be interested in and that seems to have helped take the pressure off a bit.

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