It is very important to be supportive even when rejections come in. I was not a picture perfect student in high school by any means, and my parents had often warned me to get my act together. I never fully heeded their warnings until it was too late. I got many rejections from my “dream schools” in the Ivy League et al., and that was tough. What still haunts me to this day is how parents reacted to the rejections. They let me know again that they were disappointed in me and that I had failed to live up to their dreams and expectations. They even would not talk to me for a day or two. Was it my fault? Certainly. However, those reactions put me in a very dark place and I really felt like I had no one to go to. I ended up at the University of Michigan, and I am a very happy junior. My family has come to terms with it, and is rather supportive now (we seem to be bleeding Blue!). However, I would not want any other child to go through that, no matter the mistakes they may have made in high school. Those rejections are hard to take in, and the last thing they need is more from their family.
Wow, @yikesyikesyikes , I’m so sorry your family wasn’t more supportive. But it’s not your “fault” you didn’t get into your reach schools. With the stats to get into UMich, you were certainly qualified for the other top schools. It was just a matter of luck. Your advice to parents is good, but don’t go through life assuming that if you’d gotten more As or done more activities, you would have been accepted to Princeton. That is very likely not the case.
It hurts my heart so much that a post like this even needs to be made.
((hugs)) OP. I’m so sorry for what your parents did. But I’m glad you’re enjoying where you’ve ended up and I’m glad your parents have come around.
I am sorry that your parents were not supportive of you in HS. I can’t imagine how difficult that was for you. Do your parents understand that the majority of “perfect” applicants get rejected by Ivy League schools?
If you are currently a student at the University of Michigan, it means you were an excellent student in HS. Congratulations on your accomplishments … and I am glad your parents have come around.
I totally understand. I still remember after being rejected from Dartmouth amidst many others, I was sat down and told that I had wasted my parents’ time and effort taking me to school and paying for sports, music lessons, etc. It really did hurt back then, but after a year at Berkeley, they’ve accepted that things happen and it’s better to look forward than harp on the past.
Many students don’t get their act together until college. Parents and students should keep in mind that if they have an outcome they are disappointed in, it’s not the end of the world. There will always be another opportunity to reach your goals. It just may be along a different path.
I’m glad you’ve come to terms with what you might have improved upon, but there are many seniors who have done everything they could have done, and will still get rejected from their top choices. Hopefully they will be able to find happiness, as you did, in what ever university they ultimately end up at.
@yikesyikesyikes I’m sorry to say that your parents are way beyond “not supportive.”
You could have done everything right and still not gotten an offer from an ivy. Plenty of teens are still teens and make mistakes while maturing. That’s normal and as old as time. Ivy league schools are all well and good but you can get a high quality education at many schools. Sorry for that experience for you. Glad you are Happy at Michigan.
Your story sounds like my son, in his 2nd year a UMich. I always thought it was the best place for him, as I am midwestern and could picture him there. It was hard to imagine his disappointment. I would not ever add to it. He’s happy as a clam at Michigan.
I’m sorry your parents weren’t more understanding.
Unfortunately, not all parents are understanding and some can be downright jerks or worse about it and it’s not a new phenomenon.
A friend who was one of my first supervisors recounted a colleague from an early engineering job whose father threatened to disown him and declare him persona-non-grata to the entire family back in the late '60s if he failed to gain admission to or opted to attend any other college than Princeton because the family had sent their male scions to that Ivy for generations.
While he never tested that aspect as he was admitted and attended Princeton, he later experienced his father expressing extreme disappointment and another threat to disown him because he stood his ground on declaring a major in engineering which the father felt was “too blue-collar” and “unsuitable” for those of their “refined” upper-class WASP background.
End result was as soon as that son received full control of his trust fund and inheritances due him, he refused to have anything further to do with the father and the father still inexplicably wonders why his son refuses to visit or correspond with him.
UMich is a fantastic school and many students’ dream school! Hope you’re loving it there and glad to hear your parents have come around. If you’re at UMich, you definitely did well for yourself and your parents should be proud!
In our house, Michigan is the M in HYPSM and the best of those five. Hold your head high. I’m so sorry your parents don’t understand this and sorrier still that they treated you with anything but support and pride in your accomplishment. You get big hugs and high fives from me, @yikesyikesyikes. Go Blue!
There are lots of things parents can say when a kid gets rejected from a college, but I think what they should say is, “Well, it’s their loss. They were crazy to reject a great kid like you.” Then forget about that school, forever. This is what you should say even if you know your kid could have worked harder, could have done the applications sooner, could have dressed appropriately for the interviews, could have made a better list, etc., etc. But there’s no value at this stage in pointing out any of those things.
Thanks for the good wishes everyone - I hope this post is seen by the right eyes.