Parents' Viewpoint--Deciding Between 2 Schools?

Parents Forum
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<p>Hi! I'm very new to this whole website, so I'm not even sure that students are welcome to post on the parents' forum. I hope this is alright though! Since I'm the oldest child in my family, my parents and I are pretty new to the whole college thing, so I was hoping to get some more experienced opinions. </p>

<p>I've narrowed down my options to two schools--in terms of size, "prestige" and cost, they are almost exactly the same. School A (I won't do names, just for privacy's sake) is around 2 hours away from my town, but basically in the middle of nowhere, which I'm not sure I like, since I grew up near a big city. It's also got the same tough winters that I've grown up with, which is a big concern for me. (I know weather and location aren't the best reasons to choose a school, but I really, really hate cold!) I've visited twice and stayed overnight with a current student, and I don't love it. But everyone I've talked to about it keeps bringing up all the "connections" that going to School A will bring me, which would pay off in the long run, even though it's not as well-known for my major.</p>

<p>School B is around 7 hours away, and in another big city, with gorgeous weather. I've visited, but I haven't stayed over night, and I like it much more than I liked School A. It's consistently in the top listed schools for my major as well. But it's very focused on Greek life, which I'm not sure I really want to get involved in, and is pretty well known to be a party school. I know I could work around that, though, and that definitely isn't a deal breaker. </p>

<p>The main issue here is that my parents, my grandparents, and basically the rest of my entire family is pulling for School A, when I like School B better. If I choose to go to School B, I will be the first person in my family ever to move so far away, which is a big concern for them (not so much for me). But the more I think about School A, the more I genuinely don't want to go (for reasons other than the fact that my parents don't want me to, of course!) </p>

<p>I guess my question here for people with more experience dealing with college is, is this really going to matter in 4 years when I graduate? Both schools are great, and on paper, it shouldn't matter which one I choose, but is it worth getting into fights with my parents and potentially disappointing my family just to go to a school I like better? </p>

<p>Thank you so much for reading this hideously long rant! I really appreciate it!</p>

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<p>If finances are a non-issue, follow your heart and go with School B. Many years ago when dinosaurs roamed the earth, I went to a college 2,500 miles from home (Boston to Tucson) and never regretted it. Well, I might have some regrets about choosing U of A (wish I had gone to California), but I don’t have regrets about going far from home. College is a time for personal growth and adventure. Sounds like you are ready. On the other hand, if your parents are footing the bill and are going to disown you if you choose School B, then that’s another story.</p>

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<p>Which school has the better programs in your areas of academic interest? It sounds like School B does.</p>

<p>Why is your family “pulling for school A”? Are their reasons based on quality or environment, or geographic proximity to them? Why would they be “disappointed” with school B if it is academically on par or better than school A? Seven hours is not that far away, honestly. A day’s drive is not the ends of the earth.</p>

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<p>It sounds like you are worried about disappointing your parents, but won’t you disappoint yourself if you choose school A even though your heart is with school B? You are in charge of your life now. As long as there isn’t some good reason you haven’t mentioned that explains why it might be important to stay close to home, go with your heart. It’s time to make decisions based on what’s best for you rather than trying to meet everyone’s expectations.</p>

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<p>booksn, I know you are giving us the facts as you see them, but if you name the schools and your area of interest we might be able to give you more insight.</p>

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<p>Why is 7 hours away a concern for them? Are they afraid they couldn’t drop in as easily to check on you, or are they afraid you might grow attached to the warmer weather and never return? I grew up in a cold climate and attended a warmer climate school - though weather wasn’t the deciding factor. That said, I had always wondered what life would be like in warmer climes. Ironically, once I’d satisfied that curiosity it increased the odds that post-graduation I would settle permanently back in a cooler climate because I no longer wondered about it. </p>

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<p>School B is in another big city, with gorgeous weather. I’ve visited, but I haven’t stayed over night, and I like it much more than I liked School A. It’s consistently in the top listed schools for my major as well. But it’s very focused on Greek life, which I’m not sure I really want to get involved in, and is pretty well known to be a party school. I know I could work around that, though, and that definitely isn’t a deal breaker.</p>

<p>You have listed 3 REALLY good reasons why school B would be both a better academic as well as overall overall “happiness” fit for you- its in a city where there is lots to do if the Greek life holds no interest, the weather is great and it has the stronger major. The idea of being isolated at a college in the middle of nowhere during the winter should be enough of a reason to say “no” by itself, but since school B has a better reputation in your major, this should be a no brainer. </p>

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<p>Another ‘vote’ for School B. When my D went away to college, she followed her heart and went to the school far away, a school that she had to fly to. Her second choice school was about four hours away by car. She would have done well at either school, but she will always be glad she chose the way she did. It was a perfect match. </p>

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<p>I’m wondering why parents want school A so much. I’m thinking maybe that point isn’t reflected.</p>

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<p>I sounds like your heart is with B and there is no reason not to choose it. It will be a bigger adventure which I think is a huge positive. It won’t be hard to get home on breaks, and really you wouldn’t likely have time to get home any sooner at the 3 hour school. Why would it come down to fights? Is there an issue you aren’t mentioning, like cost?</p>

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<p>My son chose Carnegie Mellon (six hour drive- tops in his major) over Harvard. This parent had some pangs about it, though I have to say, accepted students weekend completely sold me, the parent, on CMU which I only knew was supposed to be tops in computer science. (And I’d had a friend in grad school who’d gone to architecture school there.) If you are pretty confident about your major it sounds like School B is the better choice. I suggest you make a list of pros and cons for your parents, but emphasize how it’s strong in your prospective major. (Number of professors, what they’ve published etc.) Show that you’ve really done your homework about why this is the better school for you, even though it might not be the best school for everyone. Cost could be a factor in your parent’s eyes. We had to stay in a hotel overnight every time we took our son to Pittsburgh and airplane flights were always pricey at holiday times.</p>

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<p>This is a lot easier with school names…odds of anyone knowing who you are from just the school info and maybe your proposed major would be really slim. And you might find that the parents know things you don’t about these schools – things you might want to know before you enroll.</p>

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<p>Thanks for appealing to my obsessive nature by giving that small amount of information and making me try and figure out the schools!!!</p>

<p>I really think though you have to stay positive and say this is why school B is best for you. But also acknowledge their feelings and assure them you have considered their point of view. As for the Greek system, even at the largest Greek school, the number of non-Greeks is still greater. In regards to the party school reputation, leave that alone. Unless you are going to a place like BYU, Liberty, or Oral Roberts, all schools are pretty much party schools.</p>

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<p>There are a few schools like DePauw and Dartmouth where the students in fraternities and sororities outnumber those not in fraternities and sororities.</p>

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<p>^^Agree. I was also going to ask about size of school B. If it is large 20,000 student school then probably a “large” greek community will mean 30% - still lots of non-Greek. But as some small, 1600 LACs, large greek may mean 75-85% (oldest goes to one of these) of students participate in greek life and then I would say it will be much tougher to be that non-Greek student.</p>