Parents want me to commute

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>“Let me start with a little back story. I’m a high school senior applying to colleges, never been to a party, never had a girlfriend, or did any fun things in high school because of my overprotective parents, and it brings up a world of regret thinking about all the things I missed out on. I figured that I’d make it up in college, yet my parents have other plans.”
Lol they sound like my parents</p>

<p>“My mom is adamant on me living at home. She doesn’t believe in any college experience, mainly because she never had it, my parents are immigrants from the Soviet Union. To my mom its all about the money saved, while I agree that you do save money, those who commute lose much more out of their lives that you just can’t put a price on.”</p>

<p>Yeah like time, its not even close, you will have difficulty get good grades if you commutte 8-10 hours a week unless you want no life especially if your in a tougher program</p>

<p>“My parents think that I’m not ready to live on my own, I completely disagree. I mean honestly, how is living with them another four years going to change that? If according to my mom, after 18 years with them, I’m not ready to live on my own, what will 4 more do? Absolutely nothing, I’ll be a wreck. My home is not a good studying environment. Ive constantly got my parents nagging me, along with my little sister. I’ll be a mental wreck if I commute.”
Yes you will</p>

<p>“My biggest fear about commuting, in fact one of the biggest fears Ive had in my life is the fact that I won’t know anyone. All of my friends are moving away, and I feel that by commuting, I’ll be repeating high school sitting at home. I feel like I’ll never go to a party, have a girlfriend, etc.”
Still possible to have a life just more challenging, as opposed to what you may think 90% of people at any given time are not dating, 50% of girls are not even open to it, this changes after college and 90% of girls have either not found their dream man and will take whatever they can get</p>

<p>“I live in a suburb of Philly, my mom wants me to commute to Drexel, which would we about a one hour trip each way, so I’d be spending two hours each day just driving. I don’t know what to do, how can I prove to my mom that dorming is almost necessary, because up to this point she is ignoring everything I bring up”"
You can’t just do what you gonna do, these kind of over protective parents will never just say ok, live on your own you have to say I’m living on residence end of story. Your mom will never say ok go live on residence we don’t want you around anymore</p>

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<p>I actually have a friend who commutes similar distances at my university. It’s not worth it. If you need to study with someone, its fairly easy to find someone in your classes in your dorm/a close one…but it is really hard otherwise. You also waste more time. If you plan to take an easy schedule, this makes no difference, but if you plan to take hard courses or a hard schedule, commuting will destroy you. You will have friends if you commute, but you won’t have anywhere near the social life you would if you lived in the dorms.</p>

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<p>You’re right, you will miss out on the college experience if you commute. But don’t bring that up when you talk to your parents. They probably think missing the college experience would be a <em>good</em> thing if they’re overprotective.</p>

<p>Instead, talk about how much your studies will be affected if you have to waste 2 hours commuting every day.</p>

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<p>Do NOT commute 2 hours a day. Like other posters have stated, it will make your academic life very difficult (especially for a freshman, as you are not used to the work load yet), and will kill your social life. I did a 3 hr/day commute when I was an undergrad and I regret not moving closer to college or onto campus housing. The only real positive is saving money (quite substantial when you add up 4 years), and the home cooking.</p>

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<p>who was that one parent on this thread who implied that living on campus is for people who want to party and hook up? psh whatever. there’s a lot of personal growth that comes with campus culture. high school is not college. college is where you can potential meet people whom you could marry, be your lifelong support system, or co-founder of a garage business- relationships that are formed through late night study partnernships, etc.</p>

<p>don’t count on staying over at peoples places to party. it’s awkward and you will always be wondering if you are intruding or overstaying your welcome. campus party life starts whenever- usually at the moment of a text, whereas you would have to plan on what to bring to campus on your friday commutes. </p>

<p>don’t listen to people talking about how commuting can be great. maybe if this were a 20-30 min commute. But a 2 hour PER DAY commute? That’s a lot of ******** time…plus count the time you’d have to wake up early and get ready. When i was in college, i could maximize my sleep time by being able to walk only 5-10 minutes back into my dorm and fall asleep until 15 minutes until class. When i’m at the library at midnight, i run into other kids in my classes…on impromtu we share notes, bond over our hopes and dreams when we we’re procrastinating…then procrastinate even more with a qaesadilla run. </p>

<p>And you know what? Now that i’ve graduated, i’ll admit i don’t keep up with a lot of those people. i didnt end up marrying anyone. (i’m only a recent grad) i didn’t end up starting an internet business with anyone. but you know what? if i hadn’t done any of that debauchery, i would have lived with the REGRET that i didn’t do any of those “time wasting” ********. </p>

<p>and i’m not one to say that college was the best time of my life, i hate when ppl say that. i fully believe that your life begins when you want it to, but there is no life in a 2 hour commute. you need to beg, fake-threaten to commit suicide, be very visibly depressed. i’m not *<strong><em>ting around with you that i want you to be a total *</em></strong>ing drama queen. this is important, fight for it, or ****ing choose a school far enough away for you to HAVE to live there. i have overprotective immigrant parents too- ASIAN ONES TOO- and i’m a first-born girl. i’ve had to fight for so much growing up- first dance, subsequent dances…late night outings during homecoming and jv gymnastic meet nights…didn’t need much help with the boyfriend part there was no hope for me… i understand your parents are very overprotective and strict, but you have to pull out the satanic psycho ungrateful part of you that will make your mother cry. tell your parents you will never be happy. SOMETHING. have them talk to your friends’ parents.</p>

<p>anyway i’m truly sorry if i have offended you or any of you on this thread with this post. i just really feel for you. ive made friends in college who were commuters and it was sad for them. a lot of my professors assigned group projects, and people DO NOT want the guy who commutes because that guy has a strict schedule in the day time when other people are busy with intramural sports or napping or feminists united or whatever. everyone likes to meet in their jammies with a 6pack of beer at night in the dorm basement someones comfy house int he college neighborhood. </p>

<p>you can be focused and responsible your ENTIRE LIFE. what if you could stall the real world with a 4 year pajama party, and get to study what you want, and share your hopes and dreams with people old enough to talk about real **** but not old enough or jaded enough? you wont make real friends in the real world at work. everyone will have their guard up, and corporate culture makes people two-sided. i’m there honey, and the people i have to ***** about life with are my college friends, i can’t talk about that kind of **** with work people bc its not professional.</p>

<p>sorry i rambled enough.</p>

<p>good luck.</p>

46

<p>I had about an hour and a half commute over the summer and it was academic death. Try going home to study after you’ve been in the car for 2-3 hours. Maybe it’s just me, but I am ready to drop after that much driving.</p>

47

<p>sorry that was melodramatic. i read over this thread and some people have made great suggestions.</p>

<p>if your parents are like mine, don’t mention the “college experience” and emphasize that the 8-10 hours of commute time you spend per week could be 8-10 hours of extra study time. </p>

<p>print out those articles with the statistics on how students who live on campus are more likely to shell out higher grades. </p>

<p>if your parents still disagree, tell them you have decided not to start college the year you intended. say you would rather spend the year working to save up for that first year. my hope here is that they would rather you start school “on time” on campus than work at a diary queen before college. i don’t know, they’re your parents, you know where they tick and please, use that card.</p>

<p>and to commuters on this thread, you don’t know what your missing. i didn’t enjoy half of the crap i went through living with “messy,” “disrespectful” people in the dorms or in large college houses, but it’s not about enjoying it. it’s the experience itself. all the crappy encounters you meet made me wiser about human interactions, people’s feelings, overall my personal growth benefited from that. and that’s another thing you learn- that sometimes life isn’t all about what you’ve accomplished, or if something you did advanced something in your life or in the world, it’s the experience of going through something. you can drive or sit on a train your entire life, but you can’t duplicate this unique experience.</p>

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<p>Summer commuting a distance is worse because the classes are already so concentrated. Despite being a parent, I know this from recent experience when I took a 5 week summer class that was a 2 hr commute each way. Sometimes you just do what you have to do.</p>

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<p>Can’t imagine why I would send my kid to college, especially an expensive one, for a four year pajama party (sorry Whintern). Community colleges are a great value; perhaps you could find a school not so far away and rent a place with other students so that your folks can see for themselves that you manage well without have a constant case of blood shot eyes and you aren’t living on twinkies and orange juice. Is your conversation full of career and scholastic ambition? I am missing that from your post and although my family came over generations ago, I can only justify the expense (and fears - good grief look at Va Tech) of sending my kids off to school because I know they have goals and I can trust them to not go crazy when they get their “freedom.” If you must sow your wild oats, do it on your own dime. Don’t ask your parents to pay for it.<br>
A 2 hour round trip commute sounds ghastly. I did the very thing in grad school one semester and my grades went so south…</p>

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<p>My 32 years as a college administrator attest to this as well. What you get out of any experience is strongly correlated with what you put into it. Drive-in class attendance is not the same thing as being a fully-engaged member of a community.</p>

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<p>Consider as an analogy the value of a marriage. If you’re looking to be part of a relationship that enhances both parties, that provides personal growth, emotional attachment, and the foundation for maximizing the potential of your future, then marriage is a great asset. So is being a member of a residential campus community. But if all you’re looking for is someone to cook for you and clean your house, then just go hire a cook and a housekeeper. And if all you want is 120 credits and a piece of paper that assists you in finding an entry-level job, drive to class and back and drop in and out of school at your convenience.</p>

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<p>I was not aware that his commute would be 2 hours long. In that case, I’d definitely try to live on campus, because driving for 2 hours really really sucks.</p>

<p>However, the idea that college is your only chance to make friends for life is utter ********. My stepmom has made a fair few friends at her office, good friends at that.</p>

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<p>As an immigrant (who got my education in this country over 25 years ago) and a parent, I understand exactly the predicament of the OP. From the perspective of a parent, I understand their concerns. It may not be merely one of financial. Putting kids in a position of earning his/her way out is a great way to teach him/her how to stand on his/her own feet. Warren Buffett did not give everything Peter needed when he was young. Peter hated his dad at the time. Now, Peter made it on his own, he now get to talk to his dad on his own terms. Yes, college life is important. Yes, making friend is important. But more important is to learn how to stand on your own feet and grow up to be a responsible citizen. At the end, you will be a parent someday, and face you son and daughter with exactly the same predicament. You parent did this to you not because they don’t love you. On the contrary, they do this to you is for your own good. The medicine may be bitter. But it helps longer term. Good luck and fight your way through your life like a real grown-up. Someday, you might be glad that your parent did this to you.</p>

<p>Cheers!</p>

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<p>My S is a college freshman at a school an hour away, and the question of commuting never came up. He’s majoring in sports journalism. Academically, it’s not a difficult program but there are a lot of broadcasting activities connected with it that aren’t official requirements, but help a lot in moving ahead in the program. He’s really enjoying it and would never be able to particiate if he were traveling two hours a day. Some of our relatives questioned the wisdom of spending “all that money” to live on campus, but hey, gas, insurance and car repairs cost money too. I figured it up based upon the IRS mileage reimbursement rate and the costs are about the same. </p>

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<p>Well, I did commute in college, and yes, it was the worst thing ever at that point in my life. Commuters are the stepchildren of most college communities. The vast majority of commuters at my school went to class, then left for home or work and hung out with their high-school friends, making no connections on campus whatsoever. There are ways around it -I went Greek (which I know is not for everybody) and that enabled me to get involved on campus, but commuting makes everything harder. My advice to anyone is to live on campus whenever humanly possible. If it turns out not to be for you, at least you’re making an informed choice to commute.</p>

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<p>Two things come to this parent’s mind:</p>

<p>1) Commuting is Not college.<br>
My brother, an MD, worked his entire time at Dartmouth Medical, and I mean worked 40 hours a week, as a waiter at a high-end restaurant (even though my parents paid tuition). Now, at age 48, he says that he made a big mistake not experiencing college life and meeting people/future contacts.</p>

<p>2) Sometimes Parents think they are protecting, when they insist children live at home during college, and it turns out to be more dangerous.
A very nice girl I went to high school with, in a small New England town, came from a traditional Italian family, was the oldest, and the first to go to college. Her parents did not want her attending the large state university 1 1/2 hours away (to study nursing) and living in a dorm, away from their protection. And so she commuted 45 minutes each way to a smaller college, and lived at home. Two months after she started college that fall, she fell asleep at the wheel coming home and died in a very bad crash. I attended the wake and will forever remember her three sisters crying, and then standing in the condolence line to speak to her mother, and the mother looked at me with such deep grief, tears streaming down her face, as she said to always be careful driving. But it is not what she said that I remember as much as seeing that devastated family at the wake of their promising 18 year old daughter.
A parent may think it is safer for their daughter, or son, to live at home, but I disagree. Driving is more risky than any behavior that they may engage in at college (yes, even sex). It is when you have to let them go. My son and daughter Will live at college all four years, no car.</p>

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<p>@Footballmom I’m sorry your commuting experience was so bad. For me it’s been pretty good, although I do recognize the benefits of on campus life and in fact I’m considering applying for housing next year. I don’t mind commuting, but I do admit that it would be much easier to go to club meetings if I lived on campus.</p>

<p>I sure would miss having a big room for myself, a clean bathroom for myself, fresh tasty dinners and living two minutes from a supermarket, an excellent cafe and some good cheap restaurants though.</p>

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<p>WHINTERNhopeful,
Very passionate posts! Love it for marketing values…Please save the post on a CD and lock it in a safe place. When you are facing your children 20-30 years from now, you may consider giving this post to them. Please keep us posted on what your offspring would say. I personally would like to buy a ticket to see that show.
Have a great life!</p>

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<p>Haha my parents are from the Motherland too! I’m not going to tell you what to do, but if I were in your situation I would probably make some quip about how I thought they left Stalin behind or something and make the situation worse. Don’t do that lol!</p>

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<p>Tell them that you’re 18, fully grown and they need to let you make your own decisions from now on.</p>

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<p>@DCHurricane - I did move into my sorority house as a sophomore. Know what I missed about living at home? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Not my big room that my parents were always nagging me to clean, not my mom’s cooking (my mom cooked for my dad’s diabetes and high blood pressure and it was very bland), not even privacy, of which I had much more at the house, thanks to my stalker dad.
Which leads me to another point …
@1bie792 - a lot of times parents’ insisting on their children living at home isn’t so much about safety as control. They have issues with letting go and manipulate their kids with guilt trips and money. Now that I’m a parent myself, I can almost understand it, but not to the point where I’m raising my own Ss that way. In fact, I’ve probably been more leniant than I should be in some ways, just as a reaction.</p>

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<p>You could try making a deal with your parents:</p>

<ol>
<li>Have some sort of GPA level that you have to obtain in order to stay on campus</li>
<li>You’ll come home every other weekend or something like that</li>
<li>Housing is around $8000, right? Well, I think it is completely possible to make this much from a part-time job if you have a job the entire year and work summers - you can offer to shell the cost of housing.</li>
</ol>

<p>Remember, you have a little over 6 months to convince them. Ask them what THEY WANT TO SEE for you to prove that you’re mature and you can live independently. </p>

<p>Either way…good luck. I completely understand where you’re coming from.</p>