<p>We never went to Parents Weekend for either of our sons. They didn’t want us to. Parents weekend always coincides with a home football game. Both of our S’s played h.s. football.
Both went to big state u’s. where football is a big deal…an all day event. They knew they would be tailgating and hanging out w/friends all day and into the night.<br>
It was fine with us. They were at instate schools and we had opportunities to see them fairly often. It didn’t have to be on a special weekend.</p>
<p>We went to every Parents Weekend, and loved it. Sometimes we didn’t see much of our daughter, but that was fine with us.</p>
<p>My daughter has graduated, but just today I had a conversation with a college student whose home is 3000 miles from her school. I asked if her parents were coming to parents weekend and she said no, they never came and never will. She told me it’s really hard on her when she sees all the other parents on campus and hers aren’t there. And that she really appreciates it when her friends invite her to dinner with their parents that weekend. </p>
<p>Since your kid is a freshmen, I’ll bet he has no idea what the campus is like during Parents Weekend. Obviously this varies school by school, but at many schools there are a lot of parents around and kids spend time with them. So since you’ve already made plans to go, just go, have low expectations and enjoy whatever time you have with him.</p>
<p>We found Parents Weekend always coincided with midterms, midterm papers and major projects. Two different kids, two colleges, the youngest now a senior. Neither kid wanted us coming other than that one time, were under enough pressure from work loads (STEM majors) and felt having us fly in book hotels, etc. and therefore the inherent expectation that they spend hunks of time with us was just piling on the stress.<br>
We have been to the school non Parents Weekend times and that was very different. Easy to take kids shopping, get into a restaurant, see more of the daily life instead of a dog and pony show.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for your input and perspective.
Just to be clear, I think he’s really at least OK with us coming, may even be looking forward to it just a little, even though he said we shouldn’t come. When I asked him if he wanted me to bring homemade cookies or brownies, he answered, and he’s asked me to bring other things also. If I thought it was really going to bother him, I wouldn’t be going. I put this out just looking to see how other people handled parents weekend, whether most people spent lots of time with their kids vs seeing the surroundings, etc. I did not sign up for any of the official activities, except the honors ceremony, because he indicated he didn’t want to go. We booked a room he can sleep in if he’d like (I read somewhere that sometimes the students like to get away for a night or two themselves), I booked reservations for dinner and told him I’m hoping he will join us, and I indicated he could invite a friend or two to a meal if he’d like. I told him we’d take him to one of his favorite restaurants after the ceremony if he’s up for it, and that if he needs a store run or to do some shopping for clothes or whatever, we could do those things. We will let him set the pace and are not expecting him to spend the entire weekend with us (but I am hoping for at least 15 minutes and a hug).</p>
<p>I can’t imagine going to a parents weekend and sitting in a classrom or lecture hall and learning about academics, study abroad etc. It would be like going to my husbands job and learning about window sealant.</p>
<p>We haven’t gone to the family weekend, it’s a very expensive flight, my daughters were fine, a bit ah rats, they aren’t here, but they had friends with parents, and I always paid for them to to the breakfasts, games, shows etc. They would find their friends and join in with their families. Worked out just fine. There were lots of kids whose parents never made it, and the school didn’t making it all family all the time anyway.</p>
<p>As for the daughter and the sports, maybe the girl played better without mom, etc. </p>
<p>I never understood parents who went every weekend to cheer their offspring on. My girls did all kinds of Ecs that didn’t require rahrahrah from mommy and daddy.</p>
<p>
Aren’t all of those attributes things that should be learned BEFORE the student makes the decision to attend the college? I’ve been to some info sessions that covered the above topics but they were sessions held before the college decision was made.</p>
<p>We did not go to our son’s first parent’s weekend. That was his choice, although we ended up in town that Friday night for an activity for his younger brother and took he and several friends out to dinner anyway. We went on a couple of alternate weekends for football games, took him out for a meal with friends and got out of his way. This year we are going as friends from out of state who also have a student at the university will be there. We’ll take our son out for a couple of meals, as well as meet our friends for a drink and visit for a bit. There are a lot of activities for new parents, receptions at various departments, third year honors, etc. I did read about a lecture about the architectural history about the university that I am really interested in. We’ll obviously go without our son. We actually see him more then most parents probably see their kids due to prolixity, so we are very relaxed about time with him when we are there and have no problem entertaining ourselves. If we don’t see him much that’s fine, chances are we’ll see him within a month anyway.</p>
<p>Also wanted to tell the OP that sometimes my fall visits coincide with PW, but sometimes not. DS#1 was at a LAC so it didn’t matter so much, but DS#2 is at a mid-size university in a pretty small town, so PW is <em>crazy</em>. So far I’ve managed to avoid it. ;)</p>
<p>(And I can tell you’re going to go and have a great time. As a heads up, at the beginning of my very <em>first</em> visit to my oldest at college, it became clear within a few minutes that there was no way he was going to sleep at the hotel. And that Saturday he’d gotten up early to meet with a professor and I knew he was tired so offered to come have a nap at the hotel. “No thanks. I’ll sleep better in my own bed.” Had to bite my lip not to yell, “NOOOO!! YOUR BED IS IN _______ (our town)!!!”)</p>
<p>The problem is that we as parents think it’s a weekend “of the parents with your child” when it’s really a weekend “by the university for the parents.” In the second one your child doesn’t have to be too involved. Whenever we visited, whether on Parent’s Weekend or not, we always felt like we needed to make an appointment (basically we did) to see S1 two or three times a day from a few minutes to enough time to go to dinner.</p>
<p>Hahaha MyLB! The first time I heard S2 refer to his dorm/school as ‘home’ my heart sunk. He saw my face just fall and said “well aren’t you glad I’m happy there, isn’t this what you wanted” while hugging me. I agreed yes, it was, but could we just agree that he could have two homes? He humored me and agreed that two homes was best. :)</p>
<p>I guess this is the advantage to having DS 1400 miles away; we didn’t travel for parents weekend and it isn’t really an issue. We moved him in, spent a few days and we might not go back till graduation. However, I will have to think this through for DD13, who would probably enjoy us visiting, or perhaps feel bad if we didn’t show up to parent’s weekend. Yet another reason for DD to go to school closer to home! 
Not sure she will see it that way. :(</p>
<p>I think it depends totally on the school and what is offered, along with your s or d and what is going on with them. We went to older d’s freshman parent’s weekend but got there late on Friday night because of younger d’s rehearsal for school play and older d was really excited for us to be there, had a late dinner. We walked around campus the next day, saw some of the academic buildings, went shopping and out to dinner, toured the art museum on campus,and I seem to remember older d helping younger d with her chemistry homework for a good part of Sunday after we had brunch. We generally went for at least one weekend a year after that, sometimes to see older d’s work in art shows or to visit museum shows we were interested in. Younger d is a singer/actress so many more visits to see her performances although on Parent’s Weekend, she would usually need to spend time in rehersal. Her university had more exciting Parent’s program and we took more advantage to go to continental breakfast with the college leadership-always learned a lot, especially in the q & a, as well as college services fair-good chance to meet Study Abroad chair. Both of my d’s did study abroad and each college had very specific requirements that need to be met and completed before even considering study abroad, helpful to get that information in advance.</p>