<p>I tried to look through old threads to see if I could find some responses to this topic, but I didn't come across exactly what I was looking for. </p>
<p>Here's what is my mind: Those of us with Seniors in High School are experiencing some anxious and uncertain times. We cannot anticipate which school(s) our children will be accepted to, and we may find ourselves every bit as overwhelmed by this emotional migrane of an adventure as are our children.</p>
<p>We cannot advise our young people as to what to expect at the outcome of the admissions process, and the prolonged waiting brings a rollercoaster of emotions for both Parents and Children alike. As I think about this past year of my child's journey as well as that of many CCers children also awaiting admissions decisions, I am curious as to how many Parents thoroughly discuss the cost of a college education with their children before the acceptance notices start arriving in the mail box? I know very few families at my son's School have discussed the financial realities of the cost of college with their children. We are talking about current High School Seniors (four months from Graduation and 45 days from RD acceptance notices) still with little (if any) information as to what their families can afford towards tuition and fees. EFC discussions- ZERO. </p>
<p>I realize that all of us have so much on our plates in these difficult times. We cannot plan for every unexpected turn life delivers, nor anticipate double digit inflation, unemployment, or the expanding national deficit. However, I am still surprised that the "TALK" regarding the weight of the family college piggy bank is sometimes a tardy after thought that begins after our children have read the words "Congratulations". </p>
<p>For a period of 17-18 years we Parents KNEW the "TALK" would need to take place at some point in our chidrens lives. Why is it that you think some of us prolonged the inevitable? Is it that we're disappointed that we could not afford the Schools we'd hoped we could have, or it is that we're uncomfortable discussing the monies we know will be difficult to borrow? Are we afraid that our chidren will fault us for not being able to "deliver" on that top 10 USWNR tier school, or are our hearts broken because what we thought possible only a year ago is now no longer feasible? </p>
<p>Why have some of us postponed important EFC discussions until very recently? Some families have left students having applied to colleges (with the possibility of being accepted to those institutions) now realizing (in some cases) they cannot afford to attend schools for which they've been accepted.</p>
<p>I'm just curious to know what some of you Parents have to say about other Parents you know who've put themselves in this very awkward and emotionally charged situation? I don't even need to post further, I'd love to hear the rumblings among us Parent folk !</p>
<p>We have become increasingly open. First when checking out only schools that provide merit, then when showing the 4 year total costs, and recently when confirming the insanity of UG debt followed by grad debt.</p>
<p>I encourage parents to make children part of the process by 1) providing a budget of what parents will afford, 2) a “shopping list” with the child so you get agreement about what debt is reasonable FOR THEM by school and 3) show the impact of 10 YEARS of debt repayment in a way that makes sense for them. I showed my D the cost PER DAY since “number of Starbucks” per day deferred seems to make more sense than an annual cost.</p>
<p>Do this BEFORE the high priced schools answer on 4/1. We can’t stop the disappointment, but we can at least prepare our children for a most important lesson…how NOT to go into massive debt!</p>
<p>I’m not a parent; rather, a high school senior. Thought I’d still put in my two cents.</p>
<p>Most of my friends’ parents have already talked to them about it. A lot of them will pay for most/all of in-state college expenses and encourage their kids to get a job throughout college if they want to go out of state. As a student in an arts center, I have several friends who dream of getting into schools like NYU, but have ended up not applying because there’s no way their parents will be able to pay even near that much. Others let their kids dream, but in cases like that where schools aren’t that scholarship/aid friendly, it seems better to let them down early so it’s not as crushing. There are two friends in particular that I’m worried about, because they seem to be dead-set on certain programs and I can’t bear to see them unhappily trod off to anywhere else after a heartbreak like that. My parents are more financially well-off; however, they’ve still vaguely established that if I attend NYU for 4 years or either of the 5-year dual-degree programs I’ve applied for, I’m going to need to get a job and start saving up asap.</p>
<p>If I could give any advice to parents I’d tell them to make sure the kids know what they’re getting themselves into if they decide to use student loans. A friend of mine has been out of college for almost 4 years and just paid everything off; now he’s working three jobs and having to borrow grocery money. Not good.</p>
<p>We’ve had an ongoing dialogue since they started to look at schools, which was about tenth grade. Once they were Jrs and more seriously looking we’d talk about what they wanted and the schools that might fit in financially either via budget or possible merit that was readily published. When they applied to college it was only to schools we knew we could pay for, or they were seriously competitive for merit that would make it affordable. They did so knowing if the merit didn’t work out they had to choose another school. </p>
<p>I honestly do not understand not talking to your kids very early. I think it is unfair to allow them to fall in love with schools you won’t/can’t pay for. When a student shoots for their reach school academically, they have all the numbers in front of them. They have a good idea how competitive they should be. When you have information about where they can and can not go to school, and withhold that information until…when, April? How does that help your student? If they had the information they may have picked different schools, more matching your budget to give them more choices. Would they have been disappointed that you said $50k/year wasn’t going to work out? Sure, but then they would have gotten busy finding schools they could love for a lot less.</p>
<p>When our kids first entered HS, we made it clear that they needed significant merit awards if they wanted to attend OOS Us. We told them we have saved enough for each of them to have 4 years at in-state flagship U and that was all. We repeatedly asked the HS counselor what schools provided significant merit awards for kids like S & he made his college list heavily with schools recommended by the counselor. His financial safety was one that guaranteed NMFs 1/2 tuition & S was on track to become a NMF. He also applied to several other schools known for significant merit awards & a few reach/dream Us. </p>
<p>It has worked out well for us; S has graduated after 4 years & D is on track to graduate next spring from the same U.</p>
<p>We never talked specific #s with the kids but it has worked out OK for us. We were fortunate that H got a raise that helped us over these rough spots & my job has helped as well. :)</p>
<p>I’m a high school senior, and I don’t think my dad ever had a talk like that with me, though yesterday we did talk about how much would be appropriate to pay per year. I don’t think my father ever really needed to tell me about financial stuff, because I think I’ve always been somewhat aware of what the limitations would be. Most of my friends are in a similar position for that sort of thing. Some of us did apply to colleges with higher tuition costs, but I don’t think any of us ever completely set our hearts on going to one of those.
Recently I’ve had my own sort of let down about it, as filling out the financial aid forms revealed to me that I might not be getting very good financial aid offers from some schools that I’m more fond of, but it wasn’t like I had my heart broken or anything. It was nice to have a college that was, because of scholarships from them, already a financial safety.</p>
<p>We talked about the cost issue whenever the subject of college came up - which means that our youngest was still in elementary school when she heard us explain our financial limits to her oldest sister. Like many first-time parents, we had a lot of confusion and misinformation about how much college really costs, the finaid process, etc. But fortunately we’d never said “We’ll see how to (or whether we can) pay for it after your decisions are in.” </p>
<p>We gave them a number, which we later were able to stretch, and told them they’d have to make up any shortfall through loans or merit aid before they even came up with a list. Dh and I went to a no-name college and so were excited about the many schools we could afford - never had the mindset that the need-only schools were the only worthwhile ones out there.</p>
<p>CC was a huge help in understanding the finer points, seeking out affordable schools, etc. But I think our peasant suspicion of taking on a lot of debt served us best with us issue. :)</p>