<p>Doesn’t everyone go home for Thanksgiving? I can’t imagine telling my freshman D that she should not come home for Thanksgiving. sniff, sniff</p>
<p>^ Not everyone goes home for T’Giving. DD2 has been through two alone so far (frosh and soph years). It’s a full day travel each way by plane (no direct flights either). We send a care package with turkey soup, gravy, stove top stuffing…</p>
<p>I find it hard to believe that most parents wouldnt welcome home a child for Thanksgiving if they get cheap airfare.</p>
<p>I went to college at a similar distance from home to the OP’s. I never went home for Thanksgiving. I’m not saying that I think the OP shouldn’t go home for Thanksgiving; I actually hope she can go. But I think it’s not uncommon for students who go a long way away for college to spend Thanksgiving with the families of friends who live closer.</p>
<p>(Note to self: expect the possibility that daughter may bring somebody from Texas home for Thanksgiving.)</p>
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<p>This is the saddest part of the story.</p>
<p>Don’t know all the details, but if it were me, I’d wait til Thanksgiving , pay the $60 and get confirmed flights for the longer holiday. A 3 day weekend will give you just enough time to reconnect/disconnect with friends and family. Might make it worse. There will probably be more friends home at Thanksgiving anyway to see. Give yourself a chance to settle into college life, and skype with your friends back home. I am not saying the mixed messages you got from your folks is right, but I do think you should give yourself some time to adjust.</p>
<p>I’m someone else who went to college far away from home, and not once in four years did I go home for Thanksgiving. Everybody definitely does NOT do this. And I was not unusual; many fellow students were in the same boat. </p>
<p>OP, I understand how you feel. But I think it’s good to tough out the separation. A quick trip home in the middle of the semester is exhausting and stressful. It won’t clarify anything important about your choices, and it will just throw you off your stride. The semester will pass very quickly and before you know it, you will be coming home for the semester break. It really will go very, very quickly. Do not fret about this. Stay busy and get involved on your campus. The time will fly.</p>
<p>My theory is that the OP’s dad is afraid to start on the wrong foot, and face a series of requests to come home. He is probably right that the desire to come home this early might mask a number of negative issues. The fact that there might be free tickets is actually not a good thing, if his daughter knows she can ask for such tickets on a whim. The danger is that a short trip might exacerbate the “problems” rather than solve them. </p>
<p>I’d say that there are two options: </p>
<ol>
<li><p>Talk to your dad at length and tell that you would love to come home, but understand his position … but ask him clearly why he would prefer you to stay in school. Share with him that this is worrisome to you.</p></li>
<li><p>Talk directly to your SM, and tell her you miss HER! Tell her there a few things you’d like to talk about. Appeal to her parental instincts. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>PS I can see why it could be hard for a Texan to be in Steelersville. :)</p>
<p>
No, my kids definitely did not come home for Thanksgiving (east to west coast for the trip). Way too costly, with winter break only 3 weeks away. And when I was in college I didn’t go home for Thanksgiving either (Calif. to Texas). On top of everything else, Thanksgiving is a messy time to travel — airfares are generally higher, winter weather has already set in making flight delays likely, etc. </p>
<p>This isn’t to comment on the OP. My kids were well aware that they wouldn’t be making frequent trips home when they opted for their respective, opposite-coast colleges. We don’t generally qualify for free airfare, so cost was a major consideration, as well as travel time.</p>
<p>I don’t have any additional suggestions, but I wish you luck. This is a hard thing you’re going through. There’s nothing wrong with enlisting the help of a sympathetic counselor or RA for advice on either adapting or convincing your Dad that it will be ok.</p>
<p>JMO, but maybe Dad knows OP is (or would be) homesick and is keeping her at school to try to work through it. They both need to have a discussion/conversation going forward.</p>
<p>There is no one right way to handle homesickness. I feel so badly for kids who are homesick. I remember being homesick at camp as a kid and the word “sick” is in the word for a reason. Some homesick kids do benefit from a quick trip home - it energizes them. For others, it may make matters worse. </p>
<p>OP, there is probably a counseling center on campus with folks who deal with homesickness every day. You may not feel that things are bad enough to reach out for help, but it may be really helpful to talk to someone who better understands the situation.</p>
<p>When my son was in Michigan and we were in California, I wouldn’t have encouraged him to come home for Thanksgiving even if tickets were free. (And he did not come home.) I love my son and want to see him, but I know what cross-country travel is like at Thanksgiving. The airports are like zoos, planes are always late, and in my view it’s far too much travel for too little visiting.</p>
<p>MedSch… I haven’t followed this whole story, but I do want to let you know something. The transition in freshman year is hard. It’s especially hard when it feels as if you’re missing all your buddies and they all see each other. It’s hard to put that in perspective. My son also went too far away as a freshman, and we regret that our decision was driven by factors like scholarships when we should have been thinking the “best fit”. It would have been a great experience for him, but he just wasn’t ready. He also really missed his friends. </p>
<p>What I regret the most is that our son didn’t talk about this. We thought he was coping just fine and instead, but he was miserable and slept most of the day. I’m suggesting you speak to your dad about your homesickness at a very personable level. Don’t ask him to do anything about it, don’t jump on the next plane, but at least start the conversation. </p>
<p>Then, let’s see how that goes. Think about what else you can do to make yourself start to acclimate to the school. Stay busy is probably best. Join clubs. Speak to kids down your hall and in your classes. (If nothing else, speak to them about feeling homesick and you’ll discover many others share that same emotion.) Go to special activities that your school hosts. Once you’ve made one friend, that’s just the beginning. It does get easier, but you have to be open to it.</p>
<p>Tell your dad or your step mom that kids need roots and wings. You can’t fly off and explore the world if you aren’t sure home is waiting for you. i have an aunt who was a world travler until her parents sold the family home. Suddenly she stopped globe trotting, got married and had babies. She needed a home, even if she wasn’t in it. she just needed to know it was there. Tell your dad that you need to know that they are there for you and that this bait and switch is a very upsetting distraction from your adjustment period. Tell him if you have a set date and tickets in hand you will be much more able to focus than if you feel he is stringing you along. And tell him you are a big enough girl to know the truth if there is something else going on he needs to tell you about. And do see a counselor for guidance and support.</p>
<p>Oh my, this is tough. Lots of logical advice about flying times and cost of flights. Sure, it is possible to live through the semester without a visit home.</p>
<p>But it is really about a homesick student who feels tricked by her parent(s).
OP, you have graciously accepted many viewpoints and patiently explained your viewpoint.
Sometimes parents think that kids will get over stuff (attachment to home community) faster than they do. Unfortunately, this dad misjudged his daughter’s connectedness to family and friends. Social media may make it harder to move on from established social connections.
Not meaning to judge, but to describe what I perceive.
What is most at risk here is the trust between a father and daughter.</p>
<p>I made suggestion to my daughter not to go home that often Freshman year. It turned out to be a pretty good suggestion. She stayed in the dorm and joined with some activities there and started making friends. Some of them turned out to be best D1’s friends till today. I think it could be your dad’s intention. Cost was not involved as her college is only 1 hour away.</p>
<p>A friend of mine is a professor at a local university. The first week of school, she came out of her office to find a young man sobbing in the hallway. She asked him what was wrong and he told her he was just so homesick. I swear, I almost cried when she told me that. I wanted to go over to the school and find this kid and bring him home. He said he had talked to his parents but that it seemed that everyone came to school with friends already and he didn’t know how to fit in. She brought him into her office and made sure he got an appointment the next day with the counseling office, but I thought about how desperate he had to feel to sit and cry in the hallway outside faculty offices. I guess it was a better place than in front of the other students.</p>
<p>I remember I told my DDs that if they went to school locally I didn’t want to see them more often than monthly. College is a time to stretch your wings and move into some more adult relationships.</p>
<p>My S just moved to TX and has booked flights to MI twice since he’s moved (not to see us, silly thought but to see a girl lol). They have been nightmare flights each time. Every single flight has been delayed, he’s missed his connections and it’s been a disaster. I need to talk to him about coming home for Thanksgiving. I want him to come but with the price of flights and his bad luck, I’m not sure what to do. My kids have had terrible luck getting a stand by flight lately, most flights are full and it’s even worse when you have a connection.</p>
<p>Ok, my thoughts about coming home for Thanksgiving. My D has come home 2 of the 3 years she has been in school. She didn’t come home Freshman year, she had plans with a family friend but they cancelled out a week before Tday and left her high and dry. Since then, I’ve flown her home. I found that at a school that cost $50,000+/year, $300 to fly home is chump change and most of her classmates go home. It was an awaking for us, we being frugal midwestern people. Most of her classmates if they don’t have parents with tons of frequent flyer miles, just don’t even think about flying their kids home. </p>
<p>I don’t think my D is going to come home for Thanksgiving this year. Plane fares are so much more expensive this year. I’ve been shocked at the increase from her other 3 years. Since she’s a senior this year, she has more friends and can go to her boyfriends or roommates house.</p>