Parents...

Parents Forum
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<p>bluealien speaking for myself, as I go through life I occasionally look back to where I've been and look ahead to where I'll be going. Sometimes these glances can be happy and exciting and sometimes anxiety producing. When I ask others questions about their life experiences I do so because I'm curious about their choices and also because I learn from them. It puts my own in perspective. Even though I haven't been your age for a veeery long time, I'm still learning from people your age and the choices they make. I also ask people who are older than I am.
andi </p>

<p>ps I hope this post doesn't annoy you ;)</p>

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<p>No, andi, your post doesn't annoy me. So, how do I tell people to shut up nicely though? That's the whole point of this post.</p>

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<p>Well you can come up with a humorous response, like the California story, you can tactifully change the subject or you can be truthful and just say that it's something that you're thinking over and you'd rather not talk about it right now.</p>

<p>My son had to learn this type of thing last year when he didn't get accepted anywhere and EVERYONE kept asking him where he was planning on going to college. He didn't want to explain for the umpteenth time so he just devised ways to head them off politely.</p>

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<p>you don't
you accept other peoples interest in you as part of your penance for getting your life and education paid for .</p>

<p><a href="http://www.usatoday.com/money/perfi/general/2006-02-22-student-loans-usat_x.htm%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.usatoday.com/money/perfi/general/2006-02-22-student-loans-usat_x.htm&lt;/a>
Most students don't have the opportunities that you have had- accept that you have had it easy- even with the questions</p>

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<p>How is questioning penance?? What??</p>

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<p>bluealien when you talk with others don't you ask them questions about their lives? It's human nature to take an interest in each other. Are you afraid that they're judging you by your answer?</p>

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<p>Andi,</p>

<p>I recall ever asking other students questions about what they are going to do in the future. If they want to tell me then thats fine, but I don't like putting people on the spot. Making people anxious, stressed, falling into some sort of depression over stuff or whatever its called isn't my thing. If I don't have an answer someone likes, I just don't have an answer someone likes. And yes, I think a lot people are very judgmental. And yes, they are making me have anxiety, panic, etc. I am very highly strung, emotional, etc. Because, other than what I have mentioned before about what I plan to do, I don't have any other plans.</p>

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<p>Oops. I meant I never recall. It won't let me edit my post. Sorry.</p>

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<p>Regrettably, there will always be people who act in a way that grates on you.</p>

<p>Mostly, they don't intend to grate on you. Nevertheless, intentional or not, they are annoying you. These people will always be around.</p>

<p>Your choices appear to be to rail endlessly against them, and allow yourself to get upset, or to develop a plan to address these recurring, annoying situations. My advice would be to take control of the problem, and resolve it, by having a plan in place.</p>

<p>Several plans have been proposed in this thread. Mostly, the plans involve having one or more prepared, civil, and possibly (if you feel like it) light responses. </p>

<p>So, when the 57th person today asks you what you are doing after college, my advice would be to laugh silently to yourself, and say silently to yourself, "Oh, well, here is another one..." and give (one of your) prepared responses.</p>

<p>Maybe you can even make it fun--say, if more than 10 people ask you over a weekend, and you use your prepared responses, you'll buy yourself a little treat or do something special.</p>

<p>When I was a few years out of college, I had a very hard time dealing with certain relatives who insisted that I should move back to the Midwest. They were very judgmental--according to them, it was bad of me to live outside of the Midwest, and away from my parents.</p>

<p>After one particularly unpleasant incident pertaining to this, I finally asked myself: why do I care if these people judge me? Why should I let their particular perspective determine how I feel? They are what they are, they can't be changed, but my reaction to them can be changed. </p>

<p>So I no longer took to heart what they said. </p>

<p>Which is what I would suggest to you: don't let what people say or imply about your future upset you. People are what they are, they won't change, but your reaction to them can change. </p>

<p>You seem to be a strong person, to be able to maintain your overall plan in the face of skepticism :). You are therefore strong enough to take control of your feelings in this matter, and not allow other people, perhaps well-meaningly, to upset you over and over again.</p>

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<p>Hi ADad. Well my upset is to a) curse at someone, b) go sob uncontrollably, stop eating, stop sleeping decently, and give up on anything else. That's just the way I deal with things. I don't know what I am going to do about getting a job to pay for things, so I seriously wish these people would leave me alone. I do not want to think about it. I will think about it it whenever I want too! Until then, I need to worry more about field schools, research, learning another language, etc, etc. Working at Wal-fart or some other odd job doesn't get anyone into grad school--working with professors does......</p>

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<p>If you don't know what you are going to do, why not say that and ask for suggestions? You never know..you might come up with something of interest that way...at least if you don't come across as sullen as you do here. Sometimes, adults do hear about entry level positions or situations working as nannies abroad, etc. and let young people know about them. Instead of biting off the head of someone who is just trying to be nice, you might say something along the lines of "I haven't quite figured out yet what I want to do with my life and I'm open to suggestions." </p>

<p>While I think traveling for a while after finishing school can work well for some people, I think it's a bad option for you. (I know you've posted you've never had a job of any kind.) You need to do something that might look lead to a job. You're just putting off the inevitable. </p>

<p>You might check out Americorp. One of my young neighbors did this after finishing college. Ended up running a program for kids in Alaska! It was a good experience and something to put on the resume. </p>

<p>You should also hit the college career office and check out internships. Some that say they are for college juniors and seniors will also accept those fresh out of college. Again, it gives you experience. </p>

<p>Another option--temp work. NOT babysitting stuff. Office stuff. Getting into offices where you are at least exposed to different kinds of work, even if you're just doing office chores, can spark an interest in something. It often leads to an offer for a permanent job and some corporations give tuition assistance if you do want to pursue an advanced degree. </p>

<p>Go to the college career offices of colleges in your hometown. See if anyone will talk to you. I've got a really nice young neighbor who did this. The career counselor was really impressed by him. It turned out the admissions office was looking for a new college grad to travel around to different high schools. They couldn't fill it and contacted the career office for help doing so. He remembered that nice guy...Believe it or not, he got hired for the job! </p>

<p>He loves it ...and he is now going to the business school at night for a MBA, paying employee rates for tuition. All because when he was in your shoes, he went to all the local colleges in person and asked for help at the career office. </p>

<p>Volunteer--again, it puts something on your resume that's quasi-experience. Sometimes, it can spark an interest. Sometimes, you'll meet people who will think of you when they hear of an entry level job.</p>

<p>Maybe I'm wrong..but I get the impression from your posts that you are just planning on grad school in anthro because you don't know what else to do. That's the wrong reason. On average, a Ph.D. in anthro takes about 7 years to obtain and there's no guarantee you'll get a good job when you finish. (It's one of those areas in which there are fewer openings in college teaching than there are candidates.) I don't claim to be an expert, but I sincerely doubt that getting a master's degree alone is going to do much to improve your chances of getting a decent job. </p>

<p>Please don't misunderstand--if you are passionate about anthro and really want to pursue the Ph.D., I'm not trying to discourage you. I'm just saying you shouldn't decide to go to grad school because you don't like your current job prospects.</p>

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<p>Uhh...no. I want a PhD in anthropology to become a professor/researcher in anthropology. Ya kinda need the PhD for that....</p>

<p>The traveling is more for stress relieve and seeing the world than for anything else.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
The traveling is more for stress relieve

[/quote]
</p>

<p>There is no substitute for learning constructive ways to deal with stress. Traveling may alleviate it for awhile but you're going to fall into your old ways upon your return. </p>

<p>Many parents have made some good suggestions for your initial post but you don't seem to be tuning in to them. Most recently jonri and Adad gave you some good feedback. In particular I think the Americorp suggestion was a good one.</p>

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<p>Maybe I should ask people when they are going to have children, grandchildren, and retire. If they have already done all those things, I will just look at them and say: Well, when are you going to die?</p>

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<p>The problem with Americorps is I am doing something else in the Fall, and I need a field school for the summer. In other words, I am taking post-bac classes and working with a professor. Is there something else I can do that looks good to grad schools that I can use to kill 1 to 2 years time while doing what I actually want to do (stated above)?</p>

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<p>Americorps was a great experience for my daughter ( she did CityYear between high school and college)
Along with her friends who are working or in grad school, a friend is working in the Freedom</a> Corps in another country- graduate school is extremely competitive in the social sciences- and something like that would look great on your resume.</p>

<p>( to illustrate- her cousin who recently graduated from Colgate Phi Beta Kappa/ Summa cum Laude- wasn't accepted to any of the graduate schools to which she applied- work experience counts for a lot)</p>

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<p>emerald, but working at wal-mart or babysitting....i mean that cannot possibly be something a grad school wants to see on an application...which is why working with a professor and doing lab work to volunteer is good....?</p>

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<p>"Travel--that's what grandparents are for. Are you telling me that most students do not travel a bit right after getting a degree?"</p>

<p>Is this a joke about what grandparents are for? Most students don't travel a bit after getting a degree. They either go into the work force or go to grad school.</p>

<p>If they do travel, most students work a job - any job including Walmart clerking -- in order to pay their expenses.</p>

<p>I traveled a bit (a 5 day trip to the Bahamas) after my first time in grad school (which I attended on my own dime and with a fellowship right after college). I got the travel money by working while in grad school.</p>

<p>My grandparents were nice enough to give me a few $100 checks for my birthday and Christmas when I was an undergrad. After I finished there, I thought it would be nice if since I was an adult, I did something for them.</p>

<p>I got a big kick out of doing things like giving my grandmom flowers or taking her to an occasional concert. I wasn't looking for any more from her. I was very grateful for what she and my granddad had done to help me. I felt after college was my turn.</p>

<p>"College seniors often feel pressure to be enthusiastic about the future, or to have a set plan that will hopefully satisfy others ""</p>

<p>Becoming a grown-up means figuring out what you want to do with your life and taking the responsibility to create and pay for those options.</p>

<p>"This is how I (and I am sure many other people feel). Which is why people shouldn't keep asking questions. Just leave people alone and let them figure it out by themselves.:</p>

<p>You don't have control over other people. You can, though, come up with a polite way of deflecting questions that you don't want to answer. That's what mature people do. They don't think that they can control the world or that other people somehow should read their minds to know about a sensitivity to very ordinary conversational questions.</p>

<p>"<em>shrugs</em> I don't pay for anything. Never had a job either. Oh well.</p>

<p>I am getting to the point where I will snap and cuss out the next person that asks me. What a pity for them."</p>

<p>Nope. They'll simply learn not to waste their time or energy on someone who's rude.</p>

<p>The person to feel sorry for is the adult college student who lacks basic conversational skills. No matter what that person decides to do -- travel, grad school, a job -- the lack of an ability to tactfully handle normal conversational gambits will hurt their options in terms of friendships, jobs, graduate programs and having a good time.</p>

<p>Heck, even college students ask others what their career plans are.</p>

<p>"Maybe I should ask people when they are going to have children, grandchildren, and retire."</p>

<p>You were being sarcastic, but while it's rude to ask about when a person plans to have kids/grandkids, asking about retirement is a good question to ask of a middle aged person. Asking about what a person plans to do in retirement also is a good question to get a conversation going with a middle aged person because one learns about a person's dreams and interests.</p>

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<p>Blue: You sound whiney, spoiled, cynical, uncivilized and selfish. </p>

<p>If you were my kid, I'd knock you upside the head with your diploma and pray for an attitude change. </p>

<p>I say we shut down this pity party. ;)</p>

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<p>emerald, but working at wal-mart or babysitting....i mean that cannot possibly be something a grad school wants to see on an application...which is why working with a professor and doing lab work to volunteer is good....?
The student I mentioned at Colgate- she worked all summer with a professor on a research project- wasn't enough to get her into grad school-
and while working with a prof is valuable- skills that you gain from being independent and responsible- even if that means working at Walmart will make you a more productive adult.
( although since most people who don't have options for work beside walmart have not even come close to a college degree- I would wonder why you haven't made your time in college more productive, if all you can think of is a job that may not even pay minimum wage)</p>