Peer Review for Why Chicago?

<p>Hey everyone,</p>

<p>I was wondering someone could take a look at my Why Chicago essay and give me some feedback on it. Thanks a lot! </p>

<p>I consider myself to be an avid learner. From my earliest days in elementary school, I have been like a sponge for information. I have fond memories of visiting the school library and checking out books on everything from dinosaurs to head lice to the solar system. I did not read these books because I had to; rather, I read them because I felt an urge, even then, to expand my view of the world. </p>

<p>As I have grown older, the targets of my learning have changed, but the burning desire to expand and broaden my mind has not. In fact, this desire is one of the major reasons why I am going to college in the first place. Of course, I am going to prepare myself for my intended career in government. Of course I am going to meet new people and forge lifelong relationships. But perhaps most importantly, I am going to college in order to learn more. The University of Chicago seems like it would be an ideal place for that.</p>

<p>Crescat scientia; vita excolatur. “Let knowledge grow from more to more; and so be human life enriched.” This Latin motto is the perfect illustration of why the University of Chicago is such an alluring choice for me. I want to attend university in order to improve myself as a person, as well as a scholar; I want to expose myself to a variety of different perspectives and enrich my outlook on life through intellectual improvement. I believe that the University of Chicago will provide me with the opportunity to do this just this. The Common Core will be a major help. By forcing me to study a diverse range of topics, the Common Core will push me out of my comfort zone and broaden my intellectual horizons. By studying such a thorough liberal-arts curriculum, I will truly emerge from my undergraduate studies a more well-rounded individual.</p>

<p>I also believe that the relatively small class sizes at the University will provide a learning environment in which I will be able to thrive. The high school that I attended was a very small international school in Shanghai, China, in which most classes did not exceed 15 students. I believe that this small-class setting was truly beneficial for me, as it allowed for more one-on-one time between my instructor and I, which in turn allowed me to gain a better understanding of the course material. Thus, the fact that most Core classes at the University do not exceed 25 students is particularly comforting for me. </p>

<p>Perhaps most importantly, however, the entire culture at the University of Chicago seems to be geared towards intellectualism, something that I find particularly intriguing. I have read that the University of Chicago is considered by some to be a place where “fun comes to die.” I take that not as a negative, but as a positive. I take it as a commitment by the University to providing the most rigorous and intellectually stimulating experience that it possibly can. Maybe it won't be “fun,” in the sense that popcorn movies and gore-filled video games are “fun.” However, I believe that in the pursuit of knowledge lies another type of fun, one of intellectual improvement and personal betterment. For a devoted learner such as myself, this is why the University of Chicago is so appealing.</p>

<p>Informative and well-written, but I’d probably shorten sentences and try to use phrases like “a devoted learner such as myself” less frequently; it could come off sounding slightly arrogant.
Good luck!</p>

<p>Hmmm, should it be that long? They only ask for 1-2 paragraphs :O!</p>

<p>My “Why Chicago” essay was over a page double-spaced, bordering on 1.5 pages, and I got in EA.</p>

<p>@CC Lurker
I don’t recall anywhere they say 1-2 paragraphs?
Mine was over two pages and I got in also.</p>

<p>OP, I read it and I liked your essay. I don’t feel it is pretentious at all, as Philosopher-King stated. I think it’s honest, straightforward, and reveals you enjoy learning. Good luck.</p>

<p>A few minor points:</p>

<p>-It’s inconsistent to use a comma after the first ‘Of course’ and not the second, and consistency would be important here because you’re (presumably) repeating the phrase for effect.</p>

<p>-When you include the motto (and its translation), you might want to put it on a separate line before the rest of the paragraph or, perhaps, address the entire essay to it. The way it’s included now strikes me as a little clumsy.</p>

<p>-‘push me out of my…intellectual horizons’ sounds like something you copy-pasted off some website :P.</p>

<p>Other than that, I think it’s fairly good (it’s along the lines of what I’d expect from a good Why UChic? essay). Sorry if I was too picky =P.</p>

<p>Ugh…and to think I have nothing better to do than stay up and read essays XD. Anyway, good luck.</p>

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<p>From the Chicago supplement. I suppose it’s not a problem to write more, but mine were both three-fourths of a page and I got in EA.</p>

<p>^^^hmmm I must have missed that, because my essay definitely was not a paragraph or two haha.
More like…13 paragraphs. XD Evidently it worked./</p>

<p>I would recommend taking out the paragraph of how you like the U of C’s class size so that it makes the transition from the ‘Latin Phrase’ paragraph to the Intellectual hub paragraph better.</p>

<p>I don’t see how this is a good Why Chicago essay. I imagine thousands of other essays sounding EXACTLY like this one. Generic topics include: small class size, the core, “unique,” and intellectualism. Now these themes can be made into good essays if you have something special in your background to compare that to: for instance a captivating little story or small tid bit about yourself that is actually different from anyone else who comments on these topics. But seriously,I think this essay would just blend into the mix of all the others just like it. I prefer another route…</p>