personal statement

College Essays
1

<p>ok so this is my first paragraph. Does this sound like bragging at all? My second paragraph is going to be why i want to perdure my major</p>

<p>My life has changed incredibly over the past four years due to sports and service; I have learned to persevere. Over the past 4 years, I have been a member different high school sports teams, but the one that has taught me the most was cross country. Cross country taught me how to push for goals that are hard to beat. It has taught me to keep going even when it becomes tough. I learned that giving up is not an option and you should always do your best. I have learned if you give up when it gets hard, you will not become successful. My first year of running cross country was excruciating, I wanted to quit in the first month. About month into cross country it was time for our first big meet. During the second mile of the race I became tired and sore. I wanted to start walking, but I pushed through it and kept running. I placed in the top 25 of my race that day because I did not give up, I kept going . That feeling I got when I accomplished the race was the best feeling. Since I did not give up at cross country I was able to obtain a varsity letter that year, and I was able to become captain my senior year. I also was won varsity letters my 3 years of swimming and during summer swim, I won most improved and dedicated because I did not quit. Having the feeling of accomplishment is an amazing feeling. It tells me that if I can accomplish something so difficult, then I can accomplish anything as long as I put effort into it and do not quit. </p>

2

<p>Yes its bragging. Also, all tell, no show. Try to find some good templates to help you understand a better approach.</p>

3

<p>Agree that you do too much telling. There is only one instance that you “show”(finishing a race). There rest is just a list of achievements and telling the reader what you’ve learned or gained from the experiences that you list.</p>

<p>The essay also feels like you try to paint yourself as a hero for finishing a race. Reads overly boastful for a somewhat trivial accomplishment.</p>

4

<p>If you list achievements, accomplishments, or experience you can never win.</p>

<p>First it does not come off endearing enough.
Second because the admin officer could always imagine someone else with even more qualifications. </p>

5

<p>Do you think writing about me being tall would be better ( I’m 6’3). Could I write about that and how it’s impacted me</p>