@MotherOfDragons wrote:
What about dads? Is this ok for them?
*say yes, say yes, say yes, say yes
I, as a dad, might shed few tears externally or internally, not because I am sad that my son will be living away from home but because this change signals a passage of time, which means we are all getting old and heading inexorably towards inevitable death, and these times will never come again; and also, it means I have done my responsibility etc. All this bag of emotions will probably coalesce into few tear drops as I am driving home, I would guess. Or on the other hand, I might stop by In & Out and celebrate with a double double burger while sipping strawberry milkshake and contemplating what will I do with additional time?
YES, @websensation. And that for me, some part of the sadness is feeling we didn’t make the most of our time together that has passed. If he wanted to catch up on sleep over the 5 day Thanksgiving holiday and he actually did that, he’s happy. I, of course, think it’d have been nice if we could have done something more “meaningful”. Together. I seriously doubt that he’s feeling the same way!
@STEM2017 , are we married?
@gardenstategal As a parent or a child, you could always have done more meaningful stuff. However, as long as you feel you did enough, no need to feel guilty. It is what it is. We cannot all be perfect parents or perfect kids or perfect siblings or spouses etc. Anyway, I am glad to get out of this high school phase without any major problem occurring. As we get older, we have to also try to take care of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally etc. and just hope that our kid(s) have learned enough to create meaningful lives for themselves. When I think of Artificial Intelligence and other developments to come, I both envy and pity the next generation regarding how they will grapple with the problems facing them. I tend to think that all nations have to first unite under one Earth Nation before serious questions can be tackled.
@websensation , it’s not guilt, but regret. And an unreasonable wish at that – that each moment could exist twice, once in a way that was what kid wanted /needed, and once again purely for me. I so love the person DS has become - and I will probably always want more of him in my life!
Neither my wife nor I cried when we dropped our kids off to college. We knew it was time. We had achieved the primary objective that my wife’s grandma had set for us when our first child was born: “Most important thing you can do is just bring them up alive.” We’d done much more than that, but we were largely done with the parenting role, and the kids knew it: they had to begin making life on their own (even if we were the financiers).
For #1 it was an adventure. He was going to be challenged in most of his courses, something he looked forward to! He was going to live in a BIG city, and he planned to take advantage of it (never mind that his college – UChicago – had a reputation as a place “where fun goes to die”). And he did! While achieving his degree in economics, he made it a point of getting well off campus at least once a week. We had no concerns about his ability to negotiate this new stage in his life.
For #2 it was also an entrance into a very demanding program (RISD). We knew she could do it, and it was time to set her free! Once she figured out the most efficient way to get to NYC, she managed to make many weekend visits to high school friends – and still lifelong friends from home – who were attending NYU and Columbia. We didn’t worry about her adapting to the workload, but as it turned out she came down with mono her first semester, and that set her off-track as she had to drop a course. She worked past that, as well as a subsequent event to her best friend in her senior year, and she graduated with a special award in recognition of her devotion to environmental design.
I’m a crier. I cry at Lifetime movies. I cry over sad novels. I cry over Hallmark commercials. I cried the other day when my car died and left me without a way to get to work the same day my daughter realized someone had stolen a significant amount of money from her.
Some people drink, some punch walls. I cry as a reaction to stress.
So, yes, I cried last September when we dropped my son off at college, and I knew I would cry. I knew it was the right place for him to be, and that it would be a wonderful experience for him.
But I knew I would miss him. And that one chapter of our family history was coming to a close, a part I would cherish forever.
I’m at a point in my life where I don’t sweat the tears. It’s part of who I am, for better or worse.
When our dad died, one of my sisters got by by refusing to cry. I could see how desperately she needed some release But concentrating on NOT crying got her through. For her, that worked. By contrast, the tears I shed got me through.
Whatever works for you. There’s no right or wrong, simply what works for you.
@MotherOfDragons
With all my respect as well, I think you did not get her message. She is trying to make us see the bright side of the fact that our kids wont be with us as before, but will be ready to make their dreams come true. I do not think that she is criticizing the ones who cry at all. That is a very shallow way to see it.
^^I quoted her directly. Please try not to insult me by calling me shallow.
All this is way too dramatic for me. They aren’t going to the moon or off to war, they are going to college. They don’t disappear from our lives suddenly, they come home, and for some, they come home a lot. Or they move back home when done. Regardless, don’t focus on the ending, be excited about the beginnings for everyone.
And for parents that want to make it less likely that their kids settle across the country and are just starting the process, don’t flaunt schools 2000 miles away as an option to begin with. Nothing wrong with encouraging family to remain close to each other. Or sending them far if you want to. But either way, it’s not all over when they go to college.
A little perspective also helps. The indeed go off to college. They do it vanish from your life. Your relationship evolves. You visit them they visit you. Make the make of the time together. Think of those who send their kids off to the military, not knowing whether or when they will return.
@blueskies2day Yes, you are right on some level. But I agree with other posters that it’s not just about our missing the child who is off to college, but it’s also about that period of our lives as full-time parents coming to an end.
Will our kids still need us? Absolutely! Heck, I still talk to my parents regularly. But it will be different. And some, like my D, will probably never live at home again, even for summers. My D got a research position this summer after her first year, so she is only spending three weeks at home. I anticipate it will be like this from now on. I am thrilled for her and would not want it any other way, but it still means that things have changed.
@blueskies2day I agree. Sure, I was sad when I first dropped my D off at school two years ago. I know she was crying but I gave her a hug and told her to turn around and walk into her dorm without looking back 
I cried a few tears on my drive home just reminiscing over her younger years more than anything. But I’m sadder now knowing that in two years time she’ll truly be leaving, most likely living many hours away from home and starting her new life. Right now we have lots of contact and she’s home in the summer and for the holidays and I can drive the 5 hours to visit her for a long weekend and vice versa. I keep thinking about how that will all end when she enters the working world and gets two weeks vacation a year and she isn’t within driving distance.
And I was really sad when I watched my son being sworn in for the USAF and left him in Boston just 8 weeks after high school graduation. Then there was boot camp graduation in San Antonio and talking to him on the phone before he was sent to Japan at 19 years old and the other conversation when he was sent to Iraq at 20 years old. Those were sad talks.
My kids never saw my sadness. I encourage them and tried to find the “exciting” in what they are doing, even Iraq. I never want them to feel guilty about leaving me and living their lives.
Our “kids” are 29 and 27 now. For some reason, my hardest transition was when the younger One started preschool and for the first time since the older one was born I didn’t have a little one (or two) by my side. I got through it but the transitions since then have all been easier for me.
H and I are not criers, nor are our kids. None of us cried about when we dropped them off or when we take them to the airport after visits. We are mightily relieved they are living pretty independent lives with the challenges they have overcome.
Yes, I think most parents do indeed want their kids to be independent and everyone seems to adjust over time to whatever becomes the new normal.
I’ve been “complaining” to my kids that I’ve worked so hard to raise them to be strong and independent and ready to take on the world. And you know how they’re rewarding me - by being strong, independent, and leaving me to take on the world! Totally not fair I say!
(Earlier this morning I put D19 on a plane by himself for the first time. D17 just scheduled an international trip with other recent grads and no chaperone. It’s hitting me hard how quickly they’ve grown up.)
I have a feeling that I will cry but I am also very happy that my son has the opportunity to go OOS to a college where he will be happy and have a good future. I am also more willing to accept this because my D has a severe mental disorder. She is trying one college class but I do not see her ever finishing college or being able to hold a job with any type of stress. Today she is sleeping after going in to work for an hour and will probably sleep all day until she has to go back in to work later today. She has homework but will put it off until late tonight and then get all stressed over it and may not even get it done.
Son on the other hand is of working with an alumni of his college all day probably doing manual labor but still happily doing it since it is with a veterinarian. I may cry when I drop him off but I am grateful he has the chance to do well!
As the gorgeous French poem goes : “Partir c’est mourir un peu.”
Well, mine might be going off to war (USMA). I’ll save my tears for then.
@SuburbanMom You must feel very very proud of yourself. The best is yet to come: visits, traveling together, family celebrations, more time for yourself, and less responsibilities and worries (at least, a different kind). Enjoy yours and their accomplishments!
Life is perfect the way it is. 
@choatiemom Thank you for you son’s and family’s service.