<p>
</p>
<p>No, it’s not.</p>
<p>
I wondered about that, too. Also seemed like an infringement on others’ time. I think there must have been a way for the coach to get help for that girl without having to involve the whole team. </p>
<p>
A data point.</p>
<p>Several years ago, I taught a young woman who had suffered a traumatic brain injury in high school. It left her prone to violent seizures that could last more than 20 minutes each (much longer than a typical epileptic seizure).</p>
<p>The first time she had a seizure in class I considered it my responsibility to protect her until someone with training could arrive; even then, she and the emergency personnel stayed in the classroom until the student had recovered. That day’s class was over before it had barely begun, and it looked as if many more classes would go the same way. Additionally, the experience took a large emotional toll on me. I hadn’t been trained for that sort of thing, and it took me till the next day to come down off the adrenaline rush.</p>
<p>Needless to say, I was worried about the rest of the semester and FURIOUS that I had neither been warned nor given instructions.</p>
<p>I was subsequently told that the student had a right to privacy and no obligation to inform the college. Everyone involved agreed that the student’s decision (it was really her mom’s) was rude as heck, but there had been no legal way to anticipate the situation. Once the secret was out, ADA, campus security, the local police, and the local paramedics were able to make a plan, and they did give me instructions that would minimize my involvement and the class’s without putting the student at risk. (To clarify, the cops and security were involved because they were usually on the scene before the paramedics.)</p>
<p>Bottom line for this thread: I suspect that colleges cannot make the kind of requirements that OP asks about – but roommate who find themselves in a situation that goes beyond mere convenience should probably raise a stink until the situation gets resolved.</p>
<p>Spygirl had to not only fill out an in-depth questionnaire but then subsequently complete a 5 page form on how to talk with your roommate and handle disagreements. The school is doing everything it can reasonably do to match compatible students, but it’s not bomb proof as DD has discovered. </p>
<p>She is a morning person and was thrilled to discover that her roommate also goes to bed before midnight. However, the first night the roomie went to bed at 7 p.m! Along with some other behaviors, I’m wondering if this poor girl might suffer from depression. </p>
<p>I wish someone had made me and H fill out a roommate form. He is an insufferable morning person, while I like to read in bed with a table lamp until the wee hours. Also, he likes to snuggle - I can’t stand to have anyone touching me when I sleep. Oh, and I hog the blankets. And we have no RA to mediate. (Not making light of true mental health issues, but life is all about compromise). </p>
<p>LOL @megpmom. I know what you mean. Max pops out of bed the instant the sun peeks over the horizon. It’s so annoying. :)</p>
<p>Let’s not the confuse the issue with all these normal situations. Compromise with a non-phobic person may be tough to work out, but not impossible. As I understand it, a phobia is an irrational fear that paralyzes the individual or causes him to respond with extreme avoidance behavior, anxiety etc. that he is unable to control. If my DH leaves the toilet seat up or wants to leave his cell phone lit up all night on the nightstand, I may be irritated and unhappy, but I can handle the situation just fine. It won’t send me into some psychological downward spiral of fear or anxiety. Similarly, if I angrily insist DH turn off the phone or always lower the lid, he can comply without it causing him extreme distress. </p>
<p>But if a student turns off the room light and his roommate is legitimately terrified of the dark, I suspect the roommate won’t be capable of just dealing with the dark. I suspect she will cry, scream or exhibit some anxious response that will make it impossible for her and/or the other person to sleep. But maybe I’m wrong… </p>
<p>What I can’t figure out is how my dh who used to stay up with me switched into being a morning person. And LOL too much of a snuggler too!</p>
<p>“The suggestion was made that it would be reasonable for the phobic to settle for a night light instead of the room light. The point I raised is that some people are disturbed by artificial lighting in the room while they are trying to sleep and it’s not a no-brainer to simply use a night light. Like a few of the posters just mentioned, I also cover up the light from clocks because it does bother me.”</p>
<p>While having an overhead / room light on is too much and that person should have to deal with just a night light (or get a single), I have to be honest, it also seems really high maintenance to insist on total darkness. There’s a little too much hothouse flower going on when one is sharing a room. If it’s that problematic, both our overhead-light person and our total-darkness person need to get singles. </p>
<p>Still reading through the thread, and I am pleased with the understanding that some display but dismayed byt the apparent lack of compassion in some of the comments.
If a person has a phobia, they can’t just get over it, and trying to do so could make it worse.
Yes, the person who is requesting something specific needs to be willing to try to work out a compromise, or request accomodations if they can’t work it out…but in the case of one student wanting some light (perhaps just a night light of some sort) and another student wanting pitch dark…Which one is really requesting something unique? If a student requires complete darkness, that it as much of a special requirement (requirement being the key) as requiring a night light.
Expecting that someone would put college on hold because their needs may inconvenience someone doesn’t seem reasonable. Providing solutions seems better. Anxieties are things that may be under control at times and then exacerbated at other times…perhaps times of stress like going away to college. The phobias may change over time, with something that used to be a problem going away and something that was never an issue before becoming a problem…again…perhaps due to the new surroundings.</p>
<p>“but in the case of one student wanting some light (perhaps just a night light of some sort) and another student wanting pitch dark…Which one is really requesting something unique? If a student requires complete darkness, that it as much of a special requirement (requirement being the key) as requiring a night light.”</p>
<p>When you’re sharing a room with someone, you have to meet in the middle. A generally dark room with a nightlight or similar is reasonable. If someone wants to put in room darkening curtains, fine, but throwing a hissy fit because someone’s alarm clock or cell phone glows is just as unreasonable as demanding the overhead light stay on. </p>
<p>Middle? There are 4 scenarios being discussed. 1. Room lights on 2. Nighlight 3. Normal curtains/blinds 4. Blackout </p>
<p>Room lights and blackout are the extremes. Of the few people following this thread, I’m not the only one who finds a nightlight disturbing. You want to place middle on the side that suits you, but apparently there are plenty of normal, not super-super sensitive people who consider nightlight to be disturbing. </p>
<p>Well @Agentninetynine, at least your D can leave the room without being followed if the roomie goes to bed at 7 pm 
</p>
<p>“Expecting that someone would put college on hold because their needs may inconvenience someone doesn’t seem reasonable.”</p>
<p>Expecting a roommate to cope with needs that can’t be compromised isn’t reasonable. Roommates need to be able to negotiate. Needs that are beyond the pale (like keeping the overhead light on all night, or needing a chaperone for the shower) and that are not subject to negotiation mean you’re not ready for double-room dorm life. You can go to college, but you need some other living situation.</p>
<p>“he suggestion was made that it would be reasonable for the phobic to settle for a night light instead of the room light. The point I raised is that some people are disturbed by artificial lighting in the room while they are trying to sleep and it’s not a no-brainer to simply use a night light. Like a few of the posters just mentioned, I also cover up the light from clocks because it does bother me.”</p>
<p>Yeah, well, if you were my roommate, feel free to go ahead and cover up the light from your clock, but you’d be out of line to tell me I needed to cover up the lights on my clock. You can wear a sleep mask or put your head under the pillow. </p>
<p>@2016BarnardMom - That does resolve the evening hours anyway. :)</p>
<p>@Pizzagirl, I see, so compromise is only for the other guy. You have a compelling need to see your clock in the middle of the night? For? I’ve actually tried sleep masks and the elastic just ends up in my eye. Can’t sleep with that. Head under the pillow? Are you trying to asphyxiate your roommate?</p>
<p>Let’s take a poll:<br>
How many posters on this thread use a night light in their bedroom because it helps them to feel better or sleep better? Please don’t include yourself if you use a light for the sole purpose of caring for a small child in the middle of the night or for frequent nocturnal bathroom visits that may be common in middle age but aren’t typical for college students.</p>
<p>How many do not, because they find the light disturbing? </p>
<p>How many are neutral on the light and don’t care one way or the other?</p>
<p>I don’t like light if I can help it. When I was in college I don’t think anything glowed in the dark, not even my alarm clock, though I suspect there were alarm clocks that did. As I said upthread dh puts the phone face down. I don’t like facemasks and I don’t think I’d be able to breathe with a pillow over my head, if the roommate wanted a nightlight we could probably compromise so that it wasn’t directly in my line of vision. The only year I had a double room I slept on the top bunk, so most small lights wouldn’t have bothered me much.</p>
<p>" I see, so compromise is only for the other guy. You have a compelling need to see your clock in the middle of the night? For? I’ve actually tried sleep masks and the elastic just ends up in my eye. Can’t sleep with that. Head under the pillow? Are you trying to asphyxiate your roommate?"</p>
<p>Because if I wake up I want to know what time it is, duh, without waking myself up more by digging around for a clock or watch or smartphone.</p>
<p>Mathyone, I’m married to an ob-gyn who by the nature of his job takes frequent middle of the night calls, and may turn on the light and get dressed and run out in a hurry. He’s not inconsiderate about it, but it’s just the nature of his job that he can’t whisper and needs to talk in a regular voice, and if he needs to leave quickly, he doesn’t have time to get dressed in the other room or tiptoe around.</p>
<p>If I can handle this, I think you can handle the horror of the light from an alarm clock in an otherwise dark and quiet room. At one point, you have to take responsibility for being high maintenance and not demand that other people conform to it. If you can’t handle the teeny amount of light from an alarm clock, how would you handle a little bit of sun peeking in around the curtains, or light that might come in from underneath a door? </p>
<p>
I like to have a night light in the bathroom which sheds enough light in the bedroom so I don’t fall over the dog when I have to get up at night, which I have done pretty much since HS, btw. Weak bladder and all that. Our digital clock is on the headboard shelf and red, so it doesn’t really disturb me. In general, I wouldn’t want the clock to be something I could stare at when I have insomnia, so I would probably hope Pizzagirl would turn her clock to face away from me ;).</p>