Please Comment on my UC Personal Statement!!!!!!!!!!!

<p>Prompt 1</p>

<p>Occasionally, I grab my Grandmother’s old album full of pictures and I take a quick glance at it. That album contains pictures from when my family traveled to Disneyland, Universal Studios, Yosemite, Six Flags and pretty much any experience I have shared with my family within the last five years. There are also old pictures of when I lived in El Salvador when I was a little kid. I noticed the obvious differences in my physical appearance. I was had grown a lot, had a different hairstyle and had put on some weight. There was also something else that struck me immediately about the difference in both pictures; it was that in the El Salvador pictures I wasn’t smiling.
Change has indeed played a big role in my life. I was born and raised in the small country of El Salvador, until I was eight years old. In those first 8 years of my life, I lived in a country filled with poverty, extreme violence and worst of all, no real future for my generation. In El Salvador gangs ruled the country and the authorities were merely puppets starring helplessly at all the corruption in the country. From what I recall growing up there was no easy thing. Due to economic difficulties, my family was forced to live in a very bad neighborhood. It was a neighborhood where it was common to hear gunshots, witness gang fights and see police persecutions on foot or car. I remember when I was five years old, my Dad told me that very soon we would get “papers” through my Grandmother who at the time lived in the United States and we would be able to live there with her. At that time, I was neglectful of that news for I had no knowledge of how the United States was, and I wasn’t sure if it was going to be just as violent as El Salvador. For the time being, I continued to experience the hardships of living in hostile conditions. When I was seven years old, my Dad finally obtained a permanent residency through my Grandmother. I was thrilled because my family would obtain permanent residency through my father. Sadly, this was not the case, for my mother would not be receiving a permanent residency due to the fact that my parents were not yet and would never be married. As much as it hurt me at that time, I already had an understanding that if I ever wanted to be reunited with my Mom, I would have to take advantage of this opportunity and make the best out of it.
Having lived in El Salvador for 8 years, having left my mother over there and having to grow up without her has had a positive impact in my dreams and aspirations. I don’t want to live a miserable life. I want to succeed in life so that I can make my entire family proud. I was given a chance that thousands of kids never get in El Salvador and that millions here in the United States don’t take advantage of. I want to be the first one in my family to obtain a 4 year degree and graduate from University.</p>

<p>I know you want a quick response, but i suggest that you dont post your essay like this since it is open for anyone to copy.
Also, please do not listen to the above comment, they have been advertising these three services all over the essay forums and they might be scams.</p>

<p>You really have to focus more on this section of the prompt:tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations
they basically want to know who do you want to be when you grow up and why
it would be good to talk about your major and the career you would like to pursue, and why you would like to do this as a living.
your background might be the answer to “why” you want to pursue a certain career
you have a few grammatical errors as well
hopefully this helps</p>

<p>PM it to someone on this list:
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-essays/552302-consolidated-list-essay-readers-cc.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-essays/552302-consolidated-list-essay-readers-cc.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Tip: uncapitalize Grandmother, Dad, Mom and University.</p>

<p>Great topic though!</p>