please evaluate my essay

<p>i strongly approach any help:D</p>

<p>Prompt: “
Both in society and in our own lives, today's problems are serious and require serious solutions. Increasingly, however, people are taught to laugh at things that aren't usually funny and to cope with difficult situations by using humor. They are even advised to surround themselves with funny people. There is strong evidence that laughter can actually improve health and help fight disease.”
- Adapted from Marshall Brain, "How Laughter Works"</p>

<p>Is using humor the best way to approach difficult situations and problems? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>My essay:
I’ve always known that laughing is a good way to improve my health, but what I really didn’t know is the effect of laughter in solving big problems. After trying several ways to deal with problems, I can say that using humor is the best way to approach a problem.
Three years ago, I believed that it is important to prevent the interference between important stuff and humor. As a team leader of a group of young researchers, I used to get angry when someone uses humor during an important meeting in which we were trying to solve a big problem; and I believed that this would make us more productive, but soon I realized I was wrong.
My point of view started to change when I read an article by the National Behavior Research Center (NBRC) which says that approaching problem from a funny approach is more likely to help people to come out with creative solutions soon after reading this article I read another one in a history magazine which was discussing the rule of humor in old Rome. The article said that in the best times of Rome when it was in its strongest positions, decision makers used to make fun of problems they faced. There was even a team of actors responsible for making shows in which made fun of problems Rome faced. The effect of these shows, according to the article, was amazing; it helped the decision makers to come out with the best solutions.
When I started to apply this in my own life, I discovered that humor is the best way to deal with my problems. Then suggested that we do so in the research team; for surprise, this didn’t only help us to come with better solutions, but also reduced the stress and made the work funnier. Even those members who used to complain from the long working hours stopped complaining!
Therefore, from my own experience, from the NBRC research and from the experience of old Rome, I can confidently say that making fun of problems is crucial and will, for sure, help everyone reach a better solution. When people stop dealing with problems as catastrophes, this is when we will have a better world. </p>

<p>Here’s my take:</p>

<p>Thesis: 5/6. It’s there, it’s clear, but it could be more specific (list out your examples following, or explain a bit why (just a bit)</p>

<p>Choice of examples: 5.5/6 I liked your choice of sticking to your anecdote and not trying to fit other non-related examples. Perhaps you could try linking this with a literary allusion in a similar fashion like you did “Ancient Rome”. </p>

<p>Diction: 3. Overall not too bad, but could be better. Try not to use colloquialisms like “important stuff”. Also, you could definitely use “big words” - there were some at the end but you could definitely use more and try to impress your reader! :)</p>

<p>Grammar: 3. A couple obvious errors, for example: “Three years ago, I believed that it [[is]] …” or “I used to get angry when someone [[uses]] humor …”. Also, at one point you had a conjunction (and) after a semicolon; if you are going to use either, pick one and stick with it. Overall, in my opinion, your mistakes are pretty easy fixes, but be wary of them. </p>

<p>Sentence Variety/Readability: 4. Grammar issues and diction knocked the score down, but the different types of sentences were nice.</p>

<p>Overall: 8/12. Decent essay. I’d say you want to brush up on your choice of words and grammar, but it is clear you understand the prompt and you answer it with a good example.</p>

<p>the way you organized ur feedback (thesis, examples, diction… etc) was very helpful. i mean, i now know that i need to work harder with grammar and vocab.
but i didn’t understand ur advise for the examples.
also, may u tell me some fancy words that i may use. i’m not a native speaker and this issue of using fancy words is like a headache for me. may be u can tell me fancy synonyms for words i’ll probably use a lot (important, good and whatever u think will be helpful)
for the sentence variety, may u as well suggest some forms of sentences to use… or give me an essay that has high variety in sentences.
i strongly appreciate the effort u did this, so … ThnaQ @ashgabat :smiley: </p>

<p>the way you organized ur feedback (thesis, examples, diction… etc) was very helpful. i mean, i now know that i need to work harder with grammar and vocab.
but i didn’t understand ur advise for the examples.
also, may u tell me some fancy words that i may use. i’m not a native speaker and this issue of using fancy words is like a headache for me. may be u can tell me fancy synonyms for words i’ll probably use a lot (important, good and whatever u think will be helpful)
for the sentence variety, may u as well suggest some forms of sentences to use… or give me an essay that has high variety in sentences.
i strongly appreciate the effort u did this, so … ThnaQ :smiley: </p>