<p>Please grade the SAT essay I did for Princeton livegrader. The prompt was about how we sometimes need to break rules if they go against our conscience.</p>
<p>When I was growing up, my parents often impressed upon me the importance of following their laws, as well as those of their country and God. Though I agree in the essencial truth of their statement, I have learned that sometimes the laws of God and country and personal conscience do not always coincide. In these situations, one must decide what is the highest law. Two examples which prove the veracity of this statement are the people along the underground railroad and Bartleby the scrivener, from Melville's short story by the same name.</p>
<p>During the mid-ninteenth century, slave-holding was legalized at both the state and national levels. In fact, it was illegal to help slaves escape from the grasps of their masters. According to the fugitive slave laws, any escaped slave had to be immediately returned to the owner. However, many men and women did not agree with these laws. They saw slavery as inherently accorcing to God's law, and God's law was higher than man's law. In the years running up to the Civill War, thousands of slaves were able to escape to the north because of the aid offered by these brave men and woman. Looking back, we realize that what they did was just, not what the government did. They listened to their personal conscience and stood for what they believed in. We honor them.</p>
<p>"Bartelby the Scrivener," on the other hand, is a story of a legal copyist who hates his job, yet cannot seem to escape it. Bartleby lives day and night at the office and works hard, but he is always more than a robot than a man. He never talks or acts in a personal way. One can tell he detests his profession. As the story progresses, he begins to rebel in a measly, sickly manner. He cannot bring himself to leave his job, so he just refuses to do anything. As each day passes, he becomes more like a machine. His eyes glaze over; he stops moving. Finally he stops eating and dies. This man did not fllow his heart. Though he attempts to break the rules, he never does it in a conving way. He just stays at the office because he's supposed to. This is an example of what happens when one doesn't follow the rules of the heart.</p>
<p>In this essay, I have given an example of what happens when you follow your conscience and another of what happens if you do not follow whole-heartedly the callings of your heart. Isn't there an obvious choice? I'd rather work on the underground railroad anyday than be Bartleby the Scrivener.</p>
<p>Oops! Thanks for pointing that out. I don't usually do something like that in an essay, but I think the time limit switched me into speech prep event mode. When you write a persuade speech, you always say something on the lines of "in this essay" to start your conclusion.</p>
<p>Ok good start ...your first example about slavery is cliche. And "We honor them."- doesnt rerally work. Go for something higher level....my first example would be "Civil Disobedience" by Henry David Thoreau. He refused to pay taxes for the Mexican American War....etc etc. This is a specific historical piece of literature, which separates you from the rest of the essay writers. Try to do something different from everyone else!!! Also an other example of literature you could use would be Antigone by Sophocles. The themes are very similar to those of Civil Disobedience. I am not totally familliar with "Bartelby,' but from what I read in your essay I have a few ideas. Maybe list the author of the work! Maybe I am the only person in the world who hasnt heard of "Bartelby," but don't describe it as a "story"- call it an essay, play, tragedy, novel, or literary criticism, but story gives no indication of what kind of piece this really is. Read over the last body paragraph again make your point clear and ordered. You are all over the place. The phrase "because he's supposed to" is ineffective, and could be replaced with something better. Be careful using 1st person throughout your essay....unless it asks for your opinion or a personal story be VERY careful and try to avoid first person. Good essay, but it needs a little more work. Hope this helped!</p>
<p>You essay is overall very good and exhibits great insight. I will list a few minor problems:
First, do not use "I" in any SAT essay. It makes the essay seem too informal and gives an unsophisticated outline.
Second, you lack a thesis statement (which should probably be the last sentence of your first paragraph). You outline for the grader, who probably spends only 1-2 min. looking over your essay, what your essay is going to be about.
Third, you may want to provide more development to your examples. The essay as it stands seems a little discursive: try to include less unnecessary details about the underground railroad or plot summary of the novel, and instead connect your ideas to your main idea: Secular and religious doctorine often conflicts with individual moral ideology.
Finally, in the last paragraph of the essay, you had two examples instead of one.</p>
<p>These are just some minor tips for your essay, which is pretty good for only 25 min. I'm wondering what score you received for this essay?
By the way, I assume the spelling errors are just typo's.</p>