Please grade my ACT essay.

Test Preparation
1

<p>Prompt: "Fast-food franchises are installing outlets in some high schools, selling hamburgers, fried chicken, tacos, fries, and sodas. Many soda companies already pay a great deal of money to be allowed to install soda machines in high schools. The money from these commercial ventures helps pay for athletic equipment, field trips, and audio-visual equipment. On the other hand, fast food is greatly contributing to the epidemic of obesity among America’s youth. Placing fast-food outlets in schools encourages students to eat food that is high in salt, fat, and empty calories. In your opinion, should fast-food franchises be allowed in high schools?"</p>

<p>In your essay, take a position on this question. You may write about either one of the two points of view given or you may present a different point of view on this question. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position."</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>I agree fast-food franchises should be allowed in high schools. Indeed, these franchises do contribute to America’s epidemic of obesity, however, you cannot blame these franchises for the bad eating habits of Americans. If the diets of these students outside of school is poor, it will not make a difference if these restaurants are on campus. These schools are not forcing these students to eat from these places, they are just giving their students a larger variety in the cafeteria. In result, having more options at school will lead to less students leaving campus on lunch breaks.
A person’s diet is based on what is practiced at home and elsewhere. If a student has a healthy diet, these franchises are not what they desire. As for the students that like fast food, they will buy from these franchises greatly. The normal cafeteria food will still be available. The school is not saying to these students, that because the fast food franchises are now on campus they must purchase food. No, they are saying, here are more options in which you all can choose.
Most students after reaching their junior and senior years are granted permission to leave campus if approved by their parents. The sole purpose for leaving campus is to obtain lunch outside of school. It is valid to conclude that most students leaving campus go to these franchises to eat.If you bring these franchises to these students, they will have no reason to leave. There will be no worries about whether or not a student will be back in time for classes.
Some argue, placing fast-food outlets in schools encourages students to eat food that is high in salt, fat, and empty calories. I disagree. Those that are concerned about their child becoming a statistic in the obesity epidemic; remind them that their child is not going to be forced to eat anything. The only thing these schools will be encouraging is students to stay on campus. It is not the franchises’ nor the school’s problem why this country is so fat consuming.
These are not children they are young adults. They can make their own decisions what is consumed at lunch. There is nothing wrong with having these franchises on campus. The reason being that, having these franchises does not revoke the approval to leave campus and it does not create rules against bringing in lunch. This will only serve as a convenience for both staff and students.</p>

2

<p>Harshly speaking, I’m going to say a 4 out of 6 (8 out of 12). It’s great that you took a stance and made it very clear what you were going to argue. However, I think the grammatical errors (especially in the sentence structures) are really hurting you. There are portions of the essay where a comma is not needed or could be replaced with a semicolon to avoid a run-on sentence. Also, I think using an absolute statement such as “The sole purpose for leaving campus is to obtain lunch outside of school.” is a bit risky since it’s not necessarily true. </p>

<p>I’d recommend increasing your sentence structure variation and bringing in more concrete evidence to help your essay stand out. Try to use specific examples too.</p>

<p>Best of luck!</p>

3

<p>I took the ACT 3 times and got 11s every time…I am no expert but this is what I suggest</p>

<h1>1 6 paragraphs</h1>

<p>intro
point 1
point 2
point 3
digression
conclusion acknowledging digression but reaffirming main point as most important</p>

<h1>2</h1>

<p>incorporate random studies you pull out of you ass</p>

<p>Johns Hopkins University said soda consumption is a contributing factor in X cases stomach cancer
at Harvard they determined 35% of people …
time magazine categorizes this as …</p>

<p>just show you can incorporate info fluidly</p>

<h1>3</h1>

<p>pick 5 “vocab” words to use before test…use them and others.
I have a pretty good vocabulary so I didn’t really need to prep this but using highly specific words like modicum, abate, subsequently, pragmatic etc. makes a huge difference. </p>

<h1>4</h1>

<p>get on the last page of writing.</p>

<p>You should only prep enough to make a rudimentary intro and then make up the rest as you go. It’s a time test. Pick a position that’s easy to defend and then use the harder points on the digression. Nobody cares if you defend big businesses and don’t care about child obesity.</p>

<p>You also never hit on the main point that they argued, franchises bring in money. </p>

<p>I’d say this is a 7or 8 out of 12.</p>