Would anyone grade my ACT essay, please?

<p>The prompt is (summary): In your opinion, should schools ban soda and vending machines on school property?</p>

<p>Obesity levels in young adults and teenagers are rising at an alarming rate. Schools removing vending machines is certainly a step towards tackling these important issues, but it is not enough on its own.
Removing vending machines with high-calorie and low-nutritional value snacks is important as it removes an opportunity for school children to have unhealthy snacks. With this option taken away it would be significantly harder for children to have these snacks during the school day. Not only would it remove the temptation, but also the means to get these unhealthy snacks and drinks.
However, the removal of vending machines from schools is only a temporary solution, it would not solve the growing problem of obesity. For this other measures would be needed, such as increasing the physical education requirement and also helping children to understand why exercise is important for their well being. Just half an hour of aerobic exercise a day can make a huge difference, and if this could be incorporated into the school day it could be very beneficial.
Furthermore, introducing a program of education about nutrition and health could really help this situation. If a child really understands about nutrition and its importance it will help them to make healthy choices outside of school as well.
It could be argued that these vending machines are necessary in schools because they ensure that children do not get hungry, and therefore less able to concentrate. However, it has been proven that, while sugary snacks and drinks can give short bursts of energy, after this has worn off the person grows lethargic and is far less able to concentrate. Instead, cafeterias should provide more filling and nutritional meals that will keep students energized for the rest of the day.
Therefore, while removing soda and vending machines from schools is an important step in lowering childhood obesity rates, it will not completely solve the problem. There also needs to be an introduction of more physical education in schools, and also of more nutritional education in order to truly address the problem of obesity.</p>

<p>This is my first attempt at an ACT essay, so I would really appreciate any feedback and a rough idea of what sort of score this might get. Thank you!</p>

<p>5/6.</p>

<p>You address the argument, as well as the counterargument. You also stay on topic for the essay (something that a lot of students struggle with). The only thing preventing you from getting a top score is the simplicity of your writing.</p>

<p>I’m not saying you should go change your essay, but that if you want to get a 12 essay, you would greatly benefit from trying to varying word choice and syntax.</p>

<p>Thank you for your help! Do you have any specific examples in terms of sentence structure? I’ll definitely work on it.</p>

<p>Anyone else?</p>